Weight Loss Challenge

I'm pretty sure that in a previous blog I mentioned Brian's weight loss challenge to me. Just for kicks, let's re-cap:

I was preggo and the belly was really poking out. I was WAY past the point of even thinking about buying any clothes because nothing fit over the belly anymore. I was looking at the window displays with the pictures of all of the skinny models and honestly I got a little depressed. I mean, I was a little overweight before I got pregnant but no where near the whale version that I got to in the pregnancy. I told Brian that I couldn't wait until I could go shopping again and actually have clothes that fit me. I couldn't wait to feel pretty again. Just to clarify before people freak out- I felt pretty as far as being a mommy-to-be with a beautiful miracle growing in me, but as a wife for my husband and woman I did not feel pretty most days. So my loving husband issued a challenge to me. Oh how I love challenges...especially those involving me winning money!!! He said that after I heal a bit and am ready to start working out, we will take my initial weight. Then every week we will re-weigh me. If I don't lose anything, I don't get any money. If I gain, I lose money. And for EVERY pound I lose he will give me $20. I almost choked when he said it! So let's see....10 pounds = $200, 20 pounds = $400, 30 pounds = $600...yep! SIX HUNDRED DELICIOUS DOLLARS. I mean for real, if I lose 0 pounds I'm going to need $600 to buy a whole new wardrobe anyway right?? So, yes, he has lost his mind, but it is to my advantage so it doesn't bother me much. : )

So it was my goal to lose 30 pounds. Well....here is a picture of me the morning that I went to be induced

Well since having her, and then 4 weeks later having gall bladder surgery that majorly effected my diet, here I am 42 pounds later. Yes, I said 42 pounds lost!!

I would have made $840 but we hadn't started the challenge yet. So now I have a new goal of another 30 pounds and we are starting today! So I will have to keep you updated on how much money I'm winning....

With that being said....my lovely family and I are going for a walk!

Later Gators!

Kayla Jo

Gallbladder Diet

I know I already blogged today...but I have to get this out.

Lately, everything I eat has been hurting my stomach. I went to the doctor for my gallbladder surgery follow up and he said that I had a stomach ulcer. He prescribed me meds and the pain got a little better, but not much. He also said that I am probably not eating the right foods either. He couldn't give me a list of foods not to eat but he could tell me that I was eating wrong...I thought that was weird. Anyways, I did a little research about the diet that I'm supposed to have/not have and to be honest I'm quite devastated.

Here is a list of the things it says I should avoid:
(The first couple items in bold are the ones I'm going to have the MOST trouble with. I mean Seriously? How can I live without chocolate? For those of you who really know me I have stated numerous times that chocolate is God's gift to mankind)

Chocolate
Oranges
Grapefruits
Spicy Foods
Chicken
Red Meats
Coffee
Ice Cream
Pork
Onions
Dairy
Eggs
Turkey
Gluten
Corn
Nuts
Trans Fats
Margarine
Saturated Fats
Fried Foods
Tap Water
Carbonated Water
Black Tea
Cabbage
Cauliflower
Oats
Artificial Sugar
Alcohol (Beer, Wine, Liquer)


My friend Nancy, who is a nurse by the way, said that she has seen patients that have over time been able to eat whatever they want. Maybe this is what will happen to me. Maybe I can start incorporating, little by little, the yummy things like chocolate and oranges back into my diet. Maybe I won't be able to eat them every again. All I know is that I am going to start following this list for the next couple weeks because I am willing to try ANYTHING to get my stomach to stop hurting like this. Plus....no greasy foods or fried foods? I think I can deal with that. And it will help with my weight loss goals. : )


So now I am going to part with my blog to go look up some recipes for my new crazy diet!

Heart to Head Disconnect

Sometimes I have a heart to head disconnect.....for example.

My heart says my house is a wreck.
My head says that I am learning a schedule balancing working, being a good wife, cleaning, laundry, taking care of the puppy, and taking care of my new little angel, Ryot.

My heart says that I'm a bad mom when I can't get Ryot to go to sleep in her crib.
My head says that both of us are learning new things. I'm learning how to be a mom and she is learning what life is like outside of the womb. And that it's going to be a process throughout my whole life of learning new things.

My heart says I'm stupid for admitting my worries and stresses out loud or on facebook. That I'm weak for voicing my frustrations.
My head says that I am brave for asking for advice and expressing those feelings. That it is unhealthy to keep all those feelings bent up inside and that if people want to judge me for how I'm feeling then they really don't need to be in my life in the first place.

My heart says that I'm self conscious and embarrassed about my body and my weight.
My head says that I just had a baby AND gall bladder surgery and that I have to take care of myself and the baby and heal before I even worry about those things.

I KNOW in my head all of the right and rational things but I have this disconnect somewhere in my heart. I have this piece of me that says "You're a bad wife. Look at that basket of laundry that hasn't been put away." "You're a terrible mom. You can't get your own daughter to sleep in her crib." "Your so weak and messed up. You are the only one who is having any of these frustrations or problems." "You are fat and ugly. None of your clothes fit you and they never will." But then I have this other piece that tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And that is the piece I have to listen to....or I will go INSANE!

So as I sit here my laundry is not done, Ryot is wide awake, I just let out some of my worries and frustrations, and I'm eating chocolate chip cookies...BUT I have a smile on my face and I am the happiest woman alive. And that is what matters.

Enough already!

As you all already know, 4 weeks ago today I had a C section to bring my beautiful baby girl into the world. She is growing up so fast I can't believe it! I could rant and rave about how adorable and amazing she is, but this blog is dedicated to a little bit of venting and self expression on my part instead. Selfish? maybe...but I would rather let it out then let it build up and explode at random. So here goes it....

I'm just tired. I'm tired of pain. The c section incision is healing up nicely and my stomach muscles were returning to normal until Thursday night. At 11pm, I was woken up by some of the most intense pain I have ever felt. It literally took me to the floor and had me rolling and rocking back in forth. I am an emotional person. I cry in sad movies. I cry when I'm really happy. I cry when I think about how incredibly blessed and in love I am. I have always been an emotional person. But I also have a pretty high pain tolerance. I don't usually cry with pain. When I was having my contractions, I internalized the pain and breathed through it. Not this time. I was in so much pain I was just sobbing. It was terrible! So Brian loaded the baby and me up and we went off to Urgent Care. They ran some blood tests and gave me morphine for the pain. The pain was finally under control and I could relax a little. The doctor said that because of the location and severity of the pain, it was probably my gall bladder. He wanted me to go home and come back in the morning when the ultrasound techs were there. I went home at 3:30am with a prescription of Zofran for nausea and Hydrocodone with Tylenol for the pain. I was wide awake from the meds and so I told Brian to lie down to get some sleep while I fed the baby. After I fed her, she was WIDE awake and the pain started to come back. I took the hydrocodone and waited for it to kick in. I waited and waited and waited and nothing happened. Ryot was getting fussy because I couldn't hold her. She was fighting sleep and was gassy so she was upset, but I couldn't hold her. It hurt my stomach too bad to put any pressure on it. So I took her in to Brian and had to wake him up suddenly so that I could go to the restroom to throw up from the pain. It was terrible. Brian woke up and got ready so that we could go to the Urgent Care again. We got back to the Urgent Care around 700am and the ultrasound tech wasn't there yet. I was in so much pain at this point that I couldn't think straight. I was just lying on the table bawling. I don't know how to describe the pain any other way then it feels like someone is constantly stabbing you in the ribs and stomach over and over. It's like a constricting pain that takes your breath away. It's constant and it's unbearable. Finally the morphine kicked in and I was at peace again. I think Brian took a video of me. I know that he took a bunch of pictures and he says that I was really out of it. lol. All I know is that the pain was gone finally! They took me to get the ultrasound and sure enough there were tons of little gall bladder stones lining the bottom of my gall bladder. When I met with the doctor again, he said that he was able to set me up with a General Surgeon and we could have the surgery at 12:30 that day. We were so relieved that this was going to be taken care of so easily. And then we were smacked in the face with big fat rejection! See here is the problem. When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately got insurance through my work so that I could go see the OBGYN.  I immediately went to see him about the baby and like I said before just had the c section 4 weeks ago. I haven't seen a primary care physician and haven't even picked one out! Well, when my insurance was established, they just picked a random primary care physician to have on file for me (that I have never talked to or even heard of) just to have one on file. So the General Surgeon that was going to do my gall bladder surgery said that he couldn't do the surgery without a referral from my primary care physician. Since it was the holiday weekend, I wouldn't be able to see the primary care physician until Tuesday at the earliest. Then the primary care physician would run all the blood tests (that I have already done twice at this point) just to get me a referral to the general surgeon. Then the general surgeon would have a consultation with me, THEN we would schedule the surgery. I mean, we are talking I would have to wait in pain for like 2 weeks. The pain wasn't controlled with hydrocodone, so what was I supposed to do? Go to Urgent care every 4 hours to get a shot of morphine? I couldn't live in that pain, and I couldn't live constantly drugged for 2 weeks. I have to work and I have a beautiful baby to take care of. Needless to say, I was pretty stressed out at this point. So we were at a loss and getting pretty frustrated at the Urgent Care Dr. Finally he told me that I should just go to the emergency room and tell they would do the emergency surgery there. Instead of 1 day in the hospital it would mean 4 days in the hospital with a way longer recovery but I couldn't go another day in that massive amount of pain. So we headed to the emergency room at around 2pm.

At this point my father in law came and got the baby so that she wasn't in the emergency room with all the sick people. Before we headed over to the ER, the Urgent Care Dr gave me a half shot of morphine so that I wouldn't be in pain in the waiting room of the ER. When we arrived, we filled out all the paperwork and talked to the doctor. The first doctor we talked to was a real jerk. He was saying that they had to do the blood tests over again (even though I had done them twice) and that if they came back normal with no infection, they wouldn't do the surgery. I asked him what that meant for me and he just said pain management. I told him that the pain wasn't managed with hydrocodone and that my blood tests that I had just done at midnight and at 9am had come back normal and healthy. So basically he wasn't going to do the surgery. I called the Urgent Care place and asked them to please fax over all information that they had to the ER so that they could see that I was already recommended to get my gall bladder out. By the time they faxed everything over, there was another doctor that I got to talk to. I explained the whole situation to him and he was a lot nicer. I just explained that I already had an appointment set up to have the surgery but the only problem was with the insurance and primary care doctor situation. He was a lot more understanding and called the surgeon on staff that day. He said that he would speak with the surgeon and that he couldn't make any promises because it would ultimately be the surgeon's call but that he would give him all the info. Finally after waiting for a couple hours, they said that the surgeon wanted to talk to me. We talked for a little bit and he asked me about my pain. I told him I had morphine in my system and it didn't hurt as long as no one touched it. He laid me back on the table and found out very quickly by my scream that that was true when he pressed down below my ribs. He said that he was comfortable with doing the surgery and that they had a room open already and everything. So I got ready and was in the OR surgery room at 5/6ish. I don't really remember the time. They did the surgery and I was in my recovery room at 730pm. I remember Brian walking in and I was so relieved. I stayed the night and was discharged the following day around lunch time. I came home and immediately went to sleep. So I am at the point now where I can be up for a little bit but then I have to lie down and take a good size nap. So as if the c section didn't take away my stomach muscles, now I really don't have any. lol

The hardest thing about all of this was not being able to take care of Ryot. She is still so helpless and depends on Brian and I for everything. It was so hard for me not to be able to hold her and take care of her. Even now, I have to be really careful because if she moves in the wrong direction and hits one of the incision sites, then I am in a crap load of pain. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband who has worked wonders in taking care of me and Ryot. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful man in our lives! So now, it's just hydrocodone, zofran, saltine crackers, and a lot of sleep.

I just can't wait until I am finally back to my old self. I want to be able to eat normal food again. I want to be able to clean my house without being in pain or having to take a nap after 10 minutes. I want to be able to fully take care of my daughter without being in pain. I want to be able to sleep on my stomach again. Or just to sleep lying completely flat even would be nice! But for this time in my life, God has chosen to make me completely helpless to have to depend on Him and other peoples help...which I'm not very good at doing. So any and all prayers for rest, recovery, and patience would be greatly appreciated!!!

Love and kisses from a ranting mom and wife...

Kayla Jo

Wait on the Lord

Today did not start out as planned. I wanted to get up and eat breakfast. I wanted to take a shower. I wanted to relax a little before the chaos of the day started. But the chaos had different plans. Ryot is on such a weird schedule right now that, well, it can't even really be called a schedule. It's random feedings with growth spirts and tummy issues. I'm still learning her different cries...like the difference between "I'm hungry" and "I just want comfort". So it is 11:30am and I still have not showered and I still have not eaten. So I guess it will be right to lunch then huh?

As I sat down at the computer early early this morning to try to get some work done, I thought about my Granny and the tradition that she instilled in me of reading the Psalms and Proverbs every morning. So I took a small break this morning before I started working to read His word. Since today is the 27th, I read Psalms 27. As I was reading, Psalms 27: 7-8 stuck out to me.

"7Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud;
   be gracious to me and answer me!
8You have said, "Seek my face."My heart says to you,
   "Your face, LORD, do I seek."

I realized after reading these two verses that I was not seeking the Lord today. I did not wake up and think about doing everything to the glory of the God that created me. I woke up and thought about all the things I wanted to do today. I let myself get overwhelmed with things that, on the big scale of things, don't matter at all. Like laundry, dishes, cooking dinner, working, feeding Ryot...etc. Yes, feeding and changing Ryot's diaper is important...dont call child services on me or anything....I'm just saying that in even the little things like feeding Ryot I need to be seeking the Lord. Seeking Him to calm my new mommy worries about every little noise that she makes. I need to trust that she is a gift from God and that He has His hands in protection over her.

The next verse stuck out to me for a whole different reason, but oddly enough the same type of worries. Yesterday I got to visit with wonderful family. It was so good to see Darrell and Sandy again. I miss them soooo much. We went to eat, and just got to visit with them for a couple hours. It really was a blessing. We talked about how things are now and how they used to be. We talked about fun happy subjects and we talked about tougher subjects that tug at my heart. One of those subjects being my Mom and Dad. Stuff that happened in the past and how my relationship is with my Dad today. After Brian and I left from hanging out with them, I still had my Mom and Dad on my mind. Last night I dreamt about them. This morning, I am still thinking about them. And the thinking often times turns into pain and anger, but God reminded me this morning of his faithfulness in with Psalms 27:9-14 that says

"9Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger,
   O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
    O God of my salvation!
¹⁰For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
   but the LORD will take me in. ¹¹ Teach me your way, O LORD,
   and lead me on a level path
   because of my enemies.
¹² Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
   for false witnesses have risen against me,
   and they breathe out violence.
 ¹³I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD
   in the land of the living!
¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;
    be strong, and let your heart take courage;
   wait for the LORD!

Even when I feel so disconnected, I need to wait for the Lord.
When I feel sad or mad or hurt or angry or betrayed or abandoned or confused, I need to wait for the Lord.

I get this bittersweet emotion sometimes when I'm holding Ryot. Usually it's when she is drifting off to sleep making all sorts of sweet noises and facial expressions. I look at her and get this mix of pure joy for having such a blessing and a sadness to think that my mom gave it all away. I get so confused because I try to imagine my life without Ryot in it and I am devastated. I have no regrets about how my life has turned out. I am married to a wonderful man that I love with all my heart. We have Izzy, Vini and Ryot who light up our lives everyday. We are blessed beyond measure. There are just days like today when I need a little reminder that God is in control and that he will not forsake me. So today, I will be strong and let my heart take courage. I will wait for the Lord because He will take me in.

Happy Birthday!

I write this post today to celebrate two birthdays. My mom's birthday was today and the birth of my perfect little girl a week ago. My mom was only in my life for a short 8 years. I have both good an bad memories, but I wouldn't change a thing about the past. I have no regrets because I wouldn't be who I am today if things were differenet. I have a wonderful husband who makes me smile and feel loved everday, and now a BEAUTIFUL little angel who is the light of my life. I have only had the pleasure of knowing her for 11 days, and I am already head over heels in love with her. So without further ado, I would like to introduce my little button......

Ryot Brody Taylor

5 lbs 11 oz
17 1/2 inches long
Born at 7:50pm on June 6th, 2011

Here's the story.....I will try to keep it short.

Thursday, June 2nd I went in for a normal doctor's appointment. My blood pressure was way too high and so I was put on bed rest for the weekend. My next appointment was Monday June 6th. My blood pressure was still way too high. My doctor checked me and I was already 3 cm dialated and 50% effaced. Since I had preeclampsia and my blood pressure wasn't going down he decided to induce my labor. I headed to the hospital and started the pitocin at 930am. I don't remember what time it started kicking in but the contractions started getting a lot stronger and I progressed really really fast. I went from 4cm to 6 cm in 1 hour and by then the contractions were so bad that I got the epidural. After I got the epidural, they turned my pitocin up and I went from 6cm to 8cm in 1 more hour. Then things got a little crazy. I went from 8cm to 9cm in 20 minutes and then from 9 cm to completely dialated to 10 cm in another 20 minutes. I had 6 contractions back to back and my oxygen level was dropping. They gave me the oxygen mask and everyone was running around the room all nervous and freaking out because everything was happening so fast. I felt so terrible! I couldn't breathe and was in a lot of pain. At this point they decided to have me push. Everytime I pushed, her heart rate kept dropping and was not raising back up. So after 2 hours of steady pushing, my doctor ordered the emergency csection. At this point, everything gets a lot hazy. They rushed me to the surgery room and I only remember a few things. I remember that the room was really cold. I remember that I was shaking so bad that my arms wouldn't stay on the ledges of the table. I remember being really nervous about Ryot and just praying that everything was ok. Brian got to come sit by me and he held my hand and talked to me a little bit. I remember tugging and pulling and a lot of pressure. Then I heard her beautiful cry! This girl has some lungs! Brian got up and got to go see her and they took the picture above. Then after they cleaned her off, they brought her over to me so that I could give her kisses. After I kissed her forehead, she frowned and stuck her tongue out at me. haha She was so tiny and so cute. I went to the recovery/triage room for about 1 1/2 hrs. They asked me if I wanted to hold her to feed her but I was shaking so bad and could barely keep my eyes open so Brian fed her. Then I was in the hospital recovering until the following Thursday.

Recovery at home has been interesting. I'm not very good at just sitting still and not moving but spending time with my little girl has been so amazing. She is so good! She is laid back and calm and perfect. I just want to hold her and kiss her all the time! I couldn't ask for a better baby girl. She looks exactly like Brian and I wouldn't change her a bit!

Love my sweet baby girl!

Almost together....

Brian went to visit the kiddos this past weekend. He left on Friday, picked the kids up from their last day of school, and came home on Tuesday. He was supposed to come home on Monday night but his flights were delayed, so Tuesday he was finally home! It was my birthday so it was a WONDERFUL birthday present!

Every time I talked to Brian on the phone it was the usual- "How are you? Tell the kids I say hi. Take LOTS of pictures!" haha So now I have some pictures to share with you!

So this is my almost complete family. Brian- my handsome husband. He is so charming and so funny. Instantly lovable. Izzy- My beautiful, strong-willed, talented step daughter. She is gonna be a great leader one day. And Vini- My mischievous, handsome, smart step son. He is probably gonna be a millionaire one day. lol I just can't wait until we are all together again. The next planned trip is September. The baby will be 3 months old, and we can have everyone together. I am planning on getting pictures of all the kids and of our whole family.

Being apart is challenging. Being a step mom is challenging. But it is also rewarding and I wouldn't have it any other way. All I can do is try to live my life in a manner that gives a good example to the kids, and that provides a happy home to all that enter.

I can't wait to meet my sweet baby girl. I can't wait to see the kiddos again. I can't wait for my family to be together again.

no plans

Woke up extra early this morning so that I could help Brian pack and get him to the airport. He is visiting the kiddos this weekend. He was gone all day today, will be gone all day Saturday, Sunday, AND Monday. I will pick him up around 10pm on Monday night. So this weekend I have plans to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! : ) Actually I plan to buy a few things that I still need for the baby, clean a little and relax a lot. I had a couple Braxton Hicks contractions this week so I am just going to rest, relax and put my feet up. Hopefully go to the pool and get a little sun?? We shall see...

As soon as Brian picked the kids up he said they asked for me. : ) You have no idea how happy that makes me. I miss them so much and really wish that I was there to take pictures and share in the fun. Their laughter is so contagious. While talking to Brian on the phone I heard their screams and laughter as they played with their cousins and it made my heart ache. I can't wait to see them. I can't wait to hold them and give them hugs and kisses. I can't wait to get a complete family picture. Hopefully we will be taking another trip to visit the kiddos in September. This way, we can see them and they can meet their little sister in person! I can't wait. I wish we lived in Colorado so that we could be closer to them all the time. Hopefully this will be a possibility in the future. HOPEFULLY!

Well, I have had a REALLY long day and am going to go home and relax. : ) peace out!

It just clicked...

Ever had that feeling you get when something that you have heard over and over just....clicks? You know, like just smacks you in the face to make you say, "Holy crap, I get it now." Well, today I posted on my facebook the following status:

I can't continue to do the same things and expect different results.

Yesterday, it just clicked for me. I can't even tell you how many times I have heard this phrase, or even told myself this phrase without it ever really clicking for me. I have been going over goals and ideas and things I want to do but I haven't been DOING anything about them. Dr. Phil actually said - and yes, I'm really quoting Dr. Phil haha - "Winners do what losers don't have the commitment or energy to do". Example 1- I look around my house that still has a little unpacking that needs to be done and I tell myself that I'm going to work on it. BUT I don't get up and unpack anything. THEN the next day I am disappointed that it still looks the same. Example 2- I want to strengthen my relationship with God and create a good support system. I was going to a church, but after a few weeks of trying to connect and get to know the people there, it wasn't the place that I needed to be. So instead of trying to go to another church, I just haven't gone. And yet I am disappointed that I don't have a strong group of friends or a "home" church. I strongly desire to have that fellowship and to be surrounded by people who will encourage me. I strongly desire to be involved and help serve God in any way I can. I strongly desire to start my little girl from the very beginning going to church and being introduced to God not only at home, but from the body of Christ as well. BUT I haven't DONE anything about it. So it just clicked....I am a loser. haha I don't REALLY think I'm a loser, but according to Dr. Phil's quote, I am currently a a loser. Well, I WAS a loser. I refuse to be a loser anymore. I will get my house ready. I will visit a new church. I will do all the things that I have wanted. With God's strength, I will not be overcome by stress, lack of energy or any doubts that may crowd my mind.

It just clicked....If I want different results, I have to DO something about it.

Keeping up with the Jones'

 ^{Proverbs 31:10-31}

¹⁰ An excellent wife who can find?
   She is far more precious than jewels.
¹¹The heart of her husband trusts in her,
   and he will have no lack of gain.
¹²She does him good, and not harm,
   all the days of her life.
¹³She seeks wool and flax,
   and works with willing hands.
¹⁴She is like the ships of the merchant;
   she brings her food from afar.
¹⁵She rises while it is yet night
   and provides food for her household
   and portions for her maidens.
¹⁶She considers a field and buys it;
   with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷She dresses herself with strength
   and makes her arms strong.
¹⁸She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
   Her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹She puts her hands to the distaff,
   and her hands hold the spindle.
²⁰She opens her hand to the poor
   and reaches out her hands to the needy.
²¹She is not afraid of snow for her household,
   for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
²²She makes bed coverings for herself;
   her clothing is fine linen and purple.
²³Her husband is known in the gates
   when he sits among the elders of the land.
²⁴She makes linen garments and sells them;
   she delivers sashes to the merchant.
²⁵Strength and dignity are her clothing,
   and she laughs at the time to come.
²⁶She opens her mouth with wisdom,
   and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
²⁷She looks well to the ways of her household
   and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸Her children rise up and call her blessed;
   her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹"Many women have done excellently,
   but you surpass them all."
³⁰Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹Give her of the fruit of her hands,
   and let her works praise her in the gates.


I have been reading a lot lately. A lot of maternity books, a lot of online articles about babies, marriage, health, fitness, decorating, etc. I love to read. I love to learn new things. But this morning, I didn't learn anything new, but was refreshingly reminded of why I do the things I do as a wife and soon to be mother. It's easy to get caught up in the aches and pains of pregnancy. It's easy to dread housework and responsibility. Lately it has been a struggle for me to find the joy in my responsibility. Ask anyone- I love being married. I love my husband. I love our little growing family. But lately I am finding myself quite overwhelmed. I read this passage in Proverbs and the first thing I think of is superwoman. She excels at all of these things and doesn't complain and it all seems so easy. When I examine my life, it's not easy. If I'm being honest, when I come home from my full day of work and take my dog outside and cook dinner, I REALLY don't want to stay in the kitchen and do dishes. Part of me feels guilty...like I'm not good enough. Like I'm a bad wife. Pair that with pregnancy hormones, and I'm not exactly the woman that her husband praises and her children rise up and call her blessed. I'm more like one of the trolls that sits under the bridge. Now, I still get up and do my dishes...don't worry, my home is not like an episode of Hoarders. There is no intervention needed as far as that goes, but I guess when I read this passage this morning, it was an intervention in and of itself. It was an intervention of reassurance from my heavenly father. I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be. I'm going to disappoint. I'm going to be tired. I'm going to fail. But my God created me in his image and is not worried about whether I do my dishes or not. He wants my attention. He wants my relationship. He wants my desires to be pleasing him and not trying to keep up with the Better Homes and Gardens Magazine. So today, May 3rd, 2011 that is exactly what I am going to try to do. It is not about me. It is not about having a perfect home. It is not about reading all the books or knowing all the answers. Life is about living to love and serving a wonderful Creator who wants a relationship with me. Love God - Love People. That simple.