Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Coffee Lovins
One of my first jobs was as a barista/cook at Emerald Coast Coffee...when it was still there. I'm actually surprised I even got the job. During my interview my soon to be boss told me that the employees were allowed 1 free drink per shift because the coffee was for the customers. Before I could close my trap I told her, "I don't even like coffee". My heart dropped at that moment. How could I expect her to give me a job to sell delicious, wonderfully smelling coffee to thirsty customers if I had nothing good to say about it? I spent the next 20 minutes of the interview convincing her that I was a good saleswoman and that she wouldn't be sorry for hiring me. Somehow I got the job and started right away. At first I just drank non-coffee frappes.....basically a milk shake. Then I slowly started adding coffee flavored powder in....Then I added a shot because the early mornings were getting to me....then I added two shots....then three....by then I LOVED the smell of coffee and could sell it to a coffee bean itself. (I'm sure I could if one had ever walked into the shop) BUT I was not an official coffee lover yet. Really, the frappes don't get you hyped up from the espresso...its all the SUGAR. I didn't really know the love and addiction of coffee until I started working at Seattle Drip with my bestie, Vanessa. The coffee just smelled so good and was so warm. When you are sticking half of you body outside of a drive thru window while someone looks for exact change of 68 cents you think twice about making yourself a cold frappe. You hold on to Mrs. Too Much Markeup's non-fat sugar free vanilla latter a little longer to warm your hands before the cold slaps you in the face when the window opens. Seattle Drip is where the real love of coffee began....I do enjoy Starbucks here in Vegas, but every now and then I have to close my eyes and pretend that it is a Mt. Rainier perfectly made with love from my best friend.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Rest in Peace my dearest
No matter how many times you experience loss, it still hurts just as bad as the very first time. This morning December 2, 2011, we lost an amazing friend and really someone I considered part of my family, Carl Bos. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't breathe and wanted to throw up all at the same time. But all in all, I know that everything happens for a reason. I don't know what God's reason is, but I don't have to. I have to have faith that He won't give me anything more than I can handle so I will press on and lean on his strength as I am running very thin on my own.
To Carl - "my honey bunny"
I know that you are in a better place. I know that you aren't in any more pain. But I will miss your humor, our terms of endearment, the little thoughtful gifts and most of all our morning talks. You always started my day out at work with a smile. Rest in peace my good friend. We love you and miss you already, honey.
To Carl - "my honey bunny"
I know that you are in a better place. I know that you aren't in any more pain. But I will miss your humor, our terms of endearment, the little thoughtful gifts and most of all our morning talks. You always started my day out at work with a smile. Rest in peace my good friend. We love you and miss you already, honey.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Mr. Crankypants
It is a morning ritual that I go outside with Brian in the morning when he smokes. (I don't approve of his smoking FYI) I do, however, enjoy spending this couple of minutes with him in the morning. It is a wonderful way to get the day going if I may say so myself. This morning was quite different than the others. As we are outside talking about our days and about Brian's last poker adventure, this old man (who I am calling Mr Crankypants) walked up the sidewalk. When people walk by I usually say hello and they say it back and keep walking...but he stopped. Then he randomly started talking about some people that lived in an apartment by us and how they left the place a mess. He said there were always roaches and the place was trashed. Then he started talking about how the maintenance people at the apartments never fix anything. He was bragging about how he called the office to cuss them out. Then his conversation moved on to talking about kids. (I say HIS conversation because he didn't stop talking long enough for Brian and I to respond lol) His take on kids was quite shocking to me. He said that they are messy and demanding and destructive. (which I believe are all true for kids at some point) He talked about how there was a family who had 6 fat "rugrats" who lived near him who were terrible. Supposedly they were so fat that they climbed up a tree and broke the branches. Normally I am so annoyed by people like this. I am generally a positive person. I see the glass half full 99% of the time, and I enjoy life being like that. But I wasn't annoyed at Mr. Crankypants. I was laughing so hard. I guess it's just the way he was saying things. It was like he was that old cranky man in the movies who is sitting on his front lawn yelling at the "rugrats" to GET OFF MY LAWN! lol But the next thing he said really disturbed me. In his rant about hating kids, he said that he has 2 daughters that he hasn't seen or spoken to in 30 years. He said that he doesn't even care to see them and he wouldn't take them back even if they were homeless. He said he wouldn't even pay a dime for them. And it just broke my heart. I can't imagine ever thinking that about Ryot. I mean, I don't have a relationship with my dad, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't talk about me like that. I mean, golly Mr. Crankypants! I'm sure with feelings this strong you knew you didn't want to have kids, so why have 2?!?! It just doesn't make sense. He talked about how he loves his cats and almost teared up telling us about how he had to put 2 of them down because they had cancer. I just don't understand how anyone can love their cats more than their own kids? It just made me feel sorry for him. It made me wonder about his story. I believe that every person is born likeable and it is the growing up that does the tainting of that personality. People react differently to every curve that life throws at him. Every person has the choice to which path they take. Everyone has a story...even Mr. Crankypants.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Losing my marbles
I don't have very many memories with my dad but the other day as I was looking for my keys for the 17th time that day I was reminded of a very good one. I used to visit my dad for a week at a time. Sometimes in the summer, sometimes for winter. One morning I woke up early...as usual...and he was up already. He asked me if I wanted to go with him to get breakfast from McDonalds. Adoring anything I got to do with my Dad, I said yes. I remember the whole way there we were laughing and listening to country music, having so much fun. We got to McDonalds, ordered food, paid for the food, and drove away. On the way back we were laughing again, listening to music and talking about anything and everything until it hit me. I interrupted him, "Wait Dad, Where's our food?!" He instantly did a very illegal u-turn, and we headed back to McDonalds to get the food we had ordered and paid for. I remember that was the hardest I had laughed in a long time. We waited through the drive-thru again and when we got back to the window, they had it waiting for us. Yep, definitely a good memory.
Lately I feel the same feeling. When I'm leaving the house I don 't even have the "I'm forgetting something" thought. I leave, drive away, and don't even realize that I have forgotten my wallet or the baby wipes, or whatever else until I am halfway or all the way to my destination. When I was pregnant, I could blame pregnancy brain. And now that I had her, I can say she took some of my brain cells? I don't know. Either way I feel like I'm losing my marbles!!!
Lately I feel the same feeling. When I'm leaving the house I don 't even have the "I'm forgetting something" thought. I leave, drive away, and don't even realize that I have forgotten my wallet or the baby wipes, or whatever else until I am halfway or all the way to my destination. When I was pregnant, I could blame pregnancy brain. And now that I had her, I can say she took some of my brain cells? I don't know. Either way I feel like I'm losing my marbles!!!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
just rambling on...
Lately I have been going to the gym when Brian gets home from work. I have been able to sweat some stress out and get some mommy alone time. I love my little girl, but it is nice to have some time to gather my wits. I haven't lost any more weight, but I am positive that things will improve. I have a wedding to prepare for! Not my own, but my friends. I'm a bridesmaid so I have a beautiful dress to fit in. The dress that she picked out is AMAZING so I want my body to be better so I look just as amazing as the dress. : )
I am a list maker. I make lists of everything. I make lists of the lists that I need to make. OCD much? yes, sometimes. I just like the feeling of crossing something off my list. It motivates me to get things done faster. I have already started my list for this weekend. So far, it includes items such as cleaning, organizing,cleaning out my car, re-doing my budget, going to the pool, working out, and print out pictures to scrapbook. If I could convince my husband to go to the park with me I would. BUT it has been over 100 everyday and my poor Colorado man can't stand the heat. Maybe I will take Emma to the park myself.
I am so excited to go to Colorado in September. When I see them, it will have been 11 months since the last time. That is way too long. Brian, of course, got to take trips to see them, but I was pregnant so I couldn't travel. I wish that I could say I had a great relationship with their mom and everything is easy...but that is definitely not the case. It is more along the lines of....she hates me...and the baby. But such is life for me. It's not easy, but I wouldn't have it ant other way. Izzy and Vini are amazing. They are smart and strong and beautiful. Their laughter is contagious and my life wouldn't be as wonderful without them. I can't wait for Ryot to meet her big sister and brother. I can't wait for them to have a relationship. I can't wait until Ryot gets a little bit older so she understands when we talk about them...but all in due time.
Well, I will conclude my ramblings for today.....
Later gator...
Kayla Jo
I am a list maker. I make lists of everything. I make lists of the lists that I need to make. OCD much? yes, sometimes. I just like the feeling of crossing something off my list. It motivates me to get things done faster. I have already started my list for this weekend. So far, it includes items such as cleaning, organizing,cleaning out my car, re-doing my budget, going to the pool, working out, and print out pictures to scrapbook. If I could convince my husband to go to the park with me I would. BUT it has been over 100 everyday and my poor Colorado man can't stand the heat. Maybe I will take Emma to the park myself.
I am so excited to go to Colorado in September. When I see them, it will have been 11 months since the last time. That is way too long. Brian, of course, got to take trips to see them, but I was pregnant so I couldn't travel. I wish that I could say I had a great relationship with their mom and everything is easy...but that is definitely not the case. It is more along the lines of....she hates me...and the baby. But such is life for me. It's not easy, but I wouldn't have it ant other way. Izzy and Vini are amazing. They are smart and strong and beautiful. Their laughter is contagious and my life wouldn't be as wonderful without them. I can't wait for Ryot to meet her big sister and brother. I can't wait for them to have a relationship. I can't wait until Ryot gets a little bit older so she understands when we talk about them...but all in due time.
Well, I will conclude my ramblings for today.....
Later gator...
Kayla Jo
Sunday, August 7, 2011
no decisions?
I'm trying a new church tomorrow. I like the church I've been going to. I have no complaints about the people or the place itself. Everyone is really nice and laid back. I feel like everyone that I have met that goes there has a genuine love for God and their fellow believers. Why the change then? There isn't a decision time. I know this sounds small...but I think it's really big. I mean, when you walk in the music is blaring. So loud that I wont sit in the main room because if it hurts my ears I KNOW that it isn't good for Ryot. The songs are current and there are huge screens to see the words. Then there is a time for the offering usually while there is a video about some topic pertaining to current events at the church or what the topic of the sermon is. Then there is the sermon. I haven't heard the senior pastor speak yet because he is out of town but all of the guest speakers have been great. I feel like they are knowledgeable and that they have a passion about what they are talking about. My only issue with the church is that there is no decision time. There is no time for those who want to join the church or make a profession of their faith. There is no time to challenge the people. The sermon ends, and everyone gets up and leaves. Maybe I'm old fashioned. Maybe I'm just used to the Rocky Bayou way of doing things...but i think that time is so important. What if there is a person who wants to talk more about salvation? the sermon ends and that person goes home instead of being urged to pray and talk to someone more. Now, I know that if God has called someone, that they don't have to be in church, but I think that that is part of the reason for the church. It is a gathering of people - a fellowship of like minded people who should be there to support each other and encourage each other in the word. Maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about. Maybe I'm honing on in this because I haven't found that church family yet. But there is a part of me that is really bothered by this. I just think that there are so many missed opportunities by cutting that portion of the service out. I don't think that a church needs to badger people into coming forward...but giving them the opportunity, encouragement, and support to ask questions is an important part!
I don't think this would weigh so heavy on my mind if it wasn't important. So tomorrow, Warm Springs Baptist Church here I come!
I don't think this would weigh so heavy on my mind if it wasn't important. So tomorrow, Warm Springs Baptist Church here I come!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Weight Loss Challenge
I'm pretty sure that in a previous blog I mentioned Brian's weight loss challenge to me. Just for kicks, let's re-cap:
I was preggo and the belly was really poking out. I was WAY past the point of even thinking about buying any clothes because nothing fit over the belly anymore. I was looking at the window displays with the pictures of all of the skinny models and honestly I got a little depressed. I mean, I was a little overweight before I got pregnant but no where near the whale version that I got to in the pregnancy. I told Brian that I couldn't wait until I could go shopping again and actually have clothes that fit me. I couldn't wait to feel pretty again. Just to clarify before people freak out- I felt pretty as far as being a mommy-to-be with a beautiful miracle growing in me, but as a wife for my husband and woman I did not feel pretty most days. So my loving husband issued a challenge to me. Oh how I love challenges...especially those involving me winning money!!! He said that after I heal a bit and am ready to start working out, we will take my initial weight. Then every week we will re-weigh me. If I don't lose anything, I don't get any money. If I gain, I lose money. And for EVERY pound I lose he will give me $20. I almost choked when he said it! So let's see....10 pounds = $200, 20 pounds = $400, 30 pounds = $600...yep! SIX HUNDRED DELICIOUS DOLLARS. I mean for real, if I lose 0 pounds I'm going to need $600 to buy a whole new wardrobe anyway right?? So, yes, he has lost his mind, but it is to my advantage so it doesn't bother me much. : )
So it was my goal to lose 30 pounds. Well....here is a picture of me the morning that I went to be induced
Well since having her, and then 4 weeks later having gall bladder surgery that majorly effected my diet, here I am 42 pounds later. Yes, I said 42 pounds lost!!
I would have made $840 but we hadn't started the challenge yet. So now I have a new goal of another 30 pounds and we are starting today! So I will have to keep you updated on how much money I'm winning....
With that being said....my lovely family and I are going for a walk!
Later Gators!
Kayla Jo
I was preggo and the belly was really poking out. I was WAY past the point of even thinking about buying any clothes because nothing fit over the belly anymore. I was looking at the window displays with the pictures of all of the skinny models and honestly I got a little depressed. I mean, I was a little overweight before I got pregnant but no where near the whale version that I got to in the pregnancy. I told Brian that I couldn't wait until I could go shopping again and actually have clothes that fit me. I couldn't wait to feel pretty again. Just to clarify before people freak out- I felt pretty as far as being a mommy-to-be with a beautiful miracle growing in me, but as a wife for my husband and woman I did not feel pretty most days. So my loving husband issued a challenge to me. Oh how I love challenges...especially those involving me winning money!!! He said that after I heal a bit and am ready to start working out, we will take my initial weight. Then every week we will re-weigh me. If I don't lose anything, I don't get any money. If I gain, I lose money. And for EVERY pound I lose he will give me $20. I almost choked when he said it! So let's see....10 pounds = $200, 20 pounds = $400, 30 pounds = $600...yep! SIX HUNDRED DELICIOUS DOLLARS. I mean for real, if I lose 0 pounds I'm going to need $600 to buy a whole new wardrobe anyway right?? So, yes, he has lost his mind, but it is to my advantage so it doesn't bother me much. : )
So it was my goal to lose 30 pounds. Well....here is a picture of me the morning that I went to be induced
With that being said....my lovely family and I are going for a walk!
Later Gators!
Kayla Jo
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Gallbladder Diet
I know I already blogged today...but I have to get this out.
Lately, everything I eat has been hurting my stomach. I went to the doctor for my gallbladder surgery follow up and he said that I had a stomach ulcer. He prescribed me meds and the pain got a little better, but not much. He also said that I am probably not eating the right foods either. He couldn't give me a list of foods not to eat but he could tell me that I was eating wrong...I thought that was weird. Anyways, I did a little research about the diet that I'm supposed to have/not have and to be honest I'm quite devastated.
Here is a list of the things it says I should avoid:
(The first couple items in bold are the ones I'm going to have the MOST trouble with. I mean Seriously? How can I live without chocolate? For those of you who really know me I have stated numerous times that chocolate is God's gift to mankind)
Chocolate
Oranges
Grapefruits
Spicy Foods
Chicken
Red Meats
Coffee
Ice Cream
Pork
Onions
Dairy
Eggs
Turkey
Gluten
Corn
Nuts
Trans Fats
Margarine
Saturated Fats
Fried Foods
Tap Water
Carbonated Water
Black Tea
Cabbage
Cauliflower
Oats
Artificial Sugar
Alcohol (Beer, Wine, Liquer)
My friend Nancy, who is a nurse by the way, said that she has seen patients that have over time been able to eat whatever they want. Maybe this is what will happen to me. Maybe I can start incorporating, little by little, the yummy things like chocolate and oranges back into my diet. Maybe I won't be able to eat them every again. All I know is that I am going to start following this list for the next couple weeks because I am willing to try ANYTHING to get my stomach to stop hurting like this. Plus....no greasy foods or fried foods? I think I can deal with that. And it will help with my weight loss goals. : )
So now I am going to part with my blog to go look up some recipes for my new crazy diet!
Lately, everything I eat has been hurting my stomach. I went to the doctor for my gallbladder surgery follow up and he said that I had a stomach ulcer. He prescribed me meds and the pain got a little better, but not much. He also said that I am probably not eating the right foods either. He couldn't give me a list of foods not to eat but he could tell me that I was eating wrong...I thought that was weird. Anyways, I did a little research about the diet that I'm supposed to have/not have and to be honest I'm quite devastated.
Here is a list of the things it says I should avoid:
(The first couple items in bold are the ones I'm going to have the MOST trouble with. I mean Seriously? How can I live without chocolate? For those of you who really know me I have stated numerous times that chocolate is God's gift to mankind)
Chocolate
Oranges
Grapefruits
Spicy Foods
Chicken
Red Meats
Coffee
Ice Cream
Pork
Onions
Dairy
Eggs
Turkey
Gluten
Corn
Nuts
Trans Fats
Margarine
Saturated Fats
Fried Foods
Tap Water
Carbonated Water
Black Tea
Cabbage
Cauliflower
Oats
Artificial Sugar
Alcohol (Beer, Wine, Liquer)
My friend Nancy, who is a nurse by the way, said that she has seen patients that have over time been able to eat whatever they want. Maybe this is what will happen to me. Maybe I can start incorporating, little by little, the yummy things like chocolate and oranges back into my diet. Maybe I won't be able to eat them every again. All I know is that I am going to start following this list for the next couple weeks because I am willing to try ANYTHING to get my stomach to stop hurting like this. Plus....no greasy foods or fried foods? I think I can deal with that. And it will help with my weight loss goals. : )
So now I am going to part with my blog to go look up some recipes for my new crazy diet!
Heart to Head Disconnect
Sometimes I have a heart to head disconnect.....for example.
My heart says my house is a wreck.
My head says that I am learning a schedule balancing working, being a good wife, cleaning, laundry, taking care of the puppy, and taking care of my new little angel, Ryot.
My heart says that I'm a bad mom when I can't get Ryot to go to sleep in her crib.
My head says that both of us are learning new things. I'm learning how to be a mom and she is learning what life is like outside of the womb. And that it's going to be a process throughout my whole life of learning new things.
My heart says I'm stupid for admitting my worries and stresses out loud or on facebook. That I'm weak for voicing my frustrations.
My head says that I am brave for asking for advice and expressing those feelings. That it is unhealthy to keep all those feelings bent up inside and that if people want to judge me for how I'm feeling then they really don't need to be in my life in the first place.
My heart says that I'm self conscious and embarrassed about my body and my weight.
My head says that I just had a baby AND gall bladder surgery and that I have to take care of myself and the baby and heal before I even worry about those things.
I KNOW in my head all of the right and rational things but I have this disconnect somewhere in my heart. I have this piece of me that says "You're a bad wife. Look at that basket of laundry that hasn't been put away." "You're a terrible mom. You can't get your own daughter to sleep in her crib." "Your so weak and messed up. You are the only one who is having any of these frustrations or problems." "You are fat and ugly. None of your clothes fit you and they never will." But then I have this other piece that tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And that is the piece I have to listen to....or I will go INSANE!
So as I sit here my laundry is not done, Ryot is wide awake, I just let out some of my worries and frustrations, and I'm eating chocolate chip cookies...BUT I have a smile on my face and I am the happiest woman alive. And that is what matters.
My heart says my house is a wreck.
My head says that I am learning a schedule balancing working, being a good wife, cleaning, laundry, taking care of the puppy, and taking care of my new little angel, Ryot.
My heart says that I'm a bad mom when I can't get Ryot to go to sleep in her crib.
My head says that both of us are learning new things. I'm learning how to be a mom and she is learning what life is like outside of the womb. And that it's going to be a process throughout my whole life of learning new things.
My heart says I'm stupid for admitting my worries and stresses out loud or on facebook. That I'm weak for voicing my frustrations.
My head says that I am brave for asking for advice and expressing those feelings. That it is unhealthy to keep all those feelings bent up inside and that if people want to judge me for how I'm feeling then they really don't need to be in my life in the first place.
My heart says that I'm self conscious and embarrassed about my body and my weight.
My head says that I just had a baby AND gall bladder surgery and that I have to take care of myself and the baby and heal before I even worry about those things.
I KNOW in my head all of the right and rational things but I have this disconnect somewhere in my heart. I have this piece of me that says "You're a bad wife. Look at that basket of laundry that hasn't been put away." "You're a terrible mom. You can't get your own daughter to sleep in her crib." "Your so weak and messed up. You are the only one who is having any of these frustrations or problems." "You are fat and ugly. None of your clothes fit you and they never will." But then I have this other piece that tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And that is the piece I have to listen to....or I will go INSANE!
So as I sit here my laundry is not done, Ryot is wide awake, I just let out some of my worries and frustrations, and I'm eating chocolate chip cookies...BUT I have a smile on my face and I am the happiest woman alive. And that is what matters.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Enough already!
As you all already know, 4 weeks ago today I had a C section to bring my beautiful baby girl into the world. She is growing up so fast I can't believe it! I could rant and rave about how adorable and amazing she is, but this blog is dedicated to a little bit of venting and self expression on my part instead. Selfish? maybe...but I would rather let it out then let it build up and explode at random. So here goes it....
I'm just tired. I'm tired of pain. The c section incision is healing up nicely and my stomach muscles were returning to normal until Thursday night. At 11pm, I was woken up by some of the most intense pain I have ever felt. It literally took me to the floor and had me rolling and rocking back in forth. I am an emotional person. I cry in sad movies. I cry when I'm really happy. I cry when I think about how incredibly blessed and in love I am. I have always been an emotional person. But I also have a pretty high pain tolerance. I don't usually cry with pain. When I was having my contractions, I internalized the pain and breathed through it. Not this time. I was in so much pain I was just sobbing. It was terrible! So Brian loaded the baby and me up and we went off to Urgent Care. They ran some blood tests and gave me morphine for the pain. The pain was finally under control and I could relax a little. The doctor said that because of the location and severity of the pain, it was probably my gall bladder. He wanted me to go home and come back in the morning when the ultrasound techs were there. I went home at 3:30am with a prescription of Zofran for nausea and Hydrocodone with Tylenol for the pain. I was wide awake from the meds and so I told Brian to lie down to get some sleep while I fed the baby. After I fed her, she was WIDE awake and the pain started to come back. I took the hydrocodone and waited for it to kick in. I waited and waited and waited and nothing happened. Ryot was getting fussy because I couldn't hold her. She was fighting sleep and was gassy so she was upset, but I couldn't hold her. It hurt my stomach too bad to put any pressure on it. So I took her in to Brian and had to wake him up suddenly so that I could go to the restroom to throw up from the pain. It was terrible. Brian woke up and got ready so that we could go to the Urgent Care again. We got back to the Urgent Care around 700am and the ultrasound tech wasn't there yet. I was in so much pain at this point that I couldn't think straight. I was just lying on the table bawling. I don't know how to describe the pain any other way then it feels like someone is constantly stabbing you in the ribs and stomach over and over. It's like a constricting pain that takes your breath away. It's constant and it's unbearable. Finally the morphine kicked in and I was at peace again. I think Brian took a video of me. I know that he took a bunch of pictures and he says that I was really out of it. lol. All I know is that the pain was gone finally! They took me to get the ultrasound and sure enough there were tons of little gall bladder stones lining the bottom of my gall bladder. When I met with the doctor again, he said that he was able to set me up with a General Surgeon and we could have the surgery at 12:30 that day. We were so relieved that this was going to be taken care of so easily. And then we were smacked in the face with big fat rejection! See here is the problem. When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately got insurance through my work so that I could go see the OBGYN. I immediately went to see him about the baby and like I said before just had the c section 4 weeks ago. I haven't seen a primary care physician and haven't even picked one out! Well, when my insurance was established, they just picked a random primary care physician to have on file for me (that I have never talked to or even heard of) just to have one on file. So the General Surgeon that was going to do my gall bladder surgery said that he couldn't do the surgery without a referral from my primary care physician. Since it was the holiday weekend, I wouldn't be able to see the primary care physician until Tuesday at the earliest. Then the primary care physician would run all the blood tests (that I have already done twice at this point) just to get me a referral to the general surgeon. Then the general surgeon would have a consultation with me, THEN we would schedule the surgery. I mean, we are talking I would have to wait in pain for like 2 weeks. The pain wasn't controlled with hydrocodone, so what was I supposed to do? Go to Urgent care every 4 hours to get a shot of morphine? I couldn't live in that pain, and I couldn't live constantly drugged for 2 weeks. I have to work and I have a beautiful baby to take care of. Needless to say, I was pretty stressed out at this point. So we were at a loss and getting pretty frustrated at the Urgent Care Dr. Finally he told me that I should just go to the emergency room and tell they would do the emergency surgery there. Instead of 1 day in the hospital it would mean 4 days in the hospital with a way longer recovery but I couldn't go another day in that massive amount of pain. So we headed to the emergency room at around 2pm.
At this point my father in law came and got the baby so that she wasn't in the emergency room with all the sick people. Before we headed over to the ER, the Urgent Care Dr gave me a half shot of morphine so that I wouldn't be in pain in the waiting room of the ER. When we arrived, we filled out all the paperwork and talked to the doctor. The first doctor we talked to was a real jerk. He was saying that they had to do the blood tests over again (even though I had done them twice) and that if they came back normal with no infection, they wouldn't do the surgery. I asked him what that meant for me and he just said pain management. I told him that the pain wasn't managed with hydrocodone and that my blood tests that I had just done at midnight and at 9am had come back normal and healthy. So basically he wasn't going to do the surgery. I called the Urgent Care place and asked them to please fax over all information that they had to the ER so that they could see that I was already recommended to get my gall bladder out. By the time they faxed everything over, there was another doctor that I got to talk to. I explained the whole situation to him and he was a lot nicer. I just explained that I already had an appointment set up to have the surgery but the only problem was with the insurance and primary care doctor situation. He was a lot more understanding and called the surgeon on staff that day. He said that he would speak with the surgeon and that he couldn't make any promises because it would ultimately be the surgeon's call but that he would give him all the info. Finally after waiting for a couple hours, they said that the surgeon wanted to talk to me. We talked for a little bit and he asked me about my pain. I told him I had morphine in my system and it didn't hurt as long as no one touched it. He laid me back on the table and found out very quickly by my scream that that was true when he pressed down below my ribs. He said that he was comfortable with doing the surgery and that they had a room open already and everything. So I got ready and was in the OR surgery room at 5/6ish. I don't really remember the time. They did the surgery and I was in my recovery room at 730pm. I remember Brian walking in and I was so relieved. I stayed the night and was discharged the following day around lunch time. I came home and immediately went to sleep. So I am at the point now where I can be up for a little bit but then I have to lie down and take a good size nap. So as if the c section didn't take away my stomach muscles, now I really don't have any. lol
The hardest thing about all of this was not being able to take care of Ryot. She is still so helpless and depends on Brian and I for everything. It was so hard for me not to be able to hold her and take care of her. Even now, I have to be really careful because if she moves in the wrong direction and hits one of the incision sites, then I am in a crap load of pain. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband who has worked wonders in taking care of me and Ryot. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful man in our lives! So now, it's just hydrocodone, zofran, saltine crackers, and a lot of sleep.
I just can't wait until I am finally back to my old self. I want to be able to eat normal food again. I want to be able to clean my house without being in pain or having to take a nap after 10 minutes. I want to be able to fully take care of my daughter without being in pain. I want to be able to sleep on my stomach again. Or just to sleep lying completely flat even would be nice! But for this time in my life, God has chosen to make me completely helpless to have to depend on Him and other peoples help...which I'm not very good at doing. So any and all prayers for rest, recovery, and patience would be greatly appreciated!!!
Love and kisses from a ranting mom and wife...
Kayla Jo
I'm just tired. I'm tired of pain. The c section incision is healing up nicely and my stomach muscles were returning to normal until Thursday night. At 11pm, I was woken up by some of the most intense pain I have ever felt. It literally took me to the floor and had me rolling and rocking back in forth. I am an emotional person. I cry in sad movies. I cry when I'm really happy. I cry when I think about how incredibly blessed and in love I am. I have always been an emotional person. But I also have a pretty high pain tolerance. I don't usually cry with pain. When I was having my contractions, I internalized the pain and breathed through it. Not this time. I was in so much pain I was just sobbing. It was terrible! So Brian loaded the baby and me up and we went off to Urgent Care. They ran some blood tests and gave me morphine for the pain. The pain was finally under control and I could relax a little. The doctor said that because of the location and severity of the pain, it was probably my gall bladder. He wanted me to go home and come back in the morning when the ultrasound techs were there. I went home at 3:30am with a prescription of Zofran for nausea and Hydrocodone with Tylenol for the pain. I was wide awake from the meds and so I told Brian to lie down to get some sleep while I fed the baby. After I fed her, she was WIDE awake and the pain started to come back. I took the hydrocodone and waited for it to kick in. I waited and waited and waited and nothing happened. Ryot was getting fussy because I couldn't hold her. She was fighting sleep and was gassy so she was upset, but I couldn't hold her. It hurt my stomach too bad to put any pressure on it. So I took her in to Brian and had to wake him up suddenly so that I could go to the restroom to throw up from the pain. It was terrible. Brian woke up and got ready so that we could go to the Urgent Care again. We got back to the Urgent Care around 700am and the ultrasound tech wasn't there yet. I was in so much pain at this point that I couldn't think straight. I was just lying on the table bawling. I don't know how to describe the pain any other way then it feels like someone is constantly stabbing you in the ribs and stomach over and over. It's like a constricting pain that takes your breath away. It's constant and it's unbearable. Finally the morphine kicked in and I was at peace again. I think Brian took a video of me. I know that he took a bunch of pictures and he says that I was really out of it. lol. All I know is that the pain was gone finally! They took me to get the ultrasound and sure enough there were tons of little gall bladder stones lining the bottom of my gall bladder. When I met with the doctor again, he said that he was able to set me up with a General Surgeon and we could have the surgery at 12:30 that day. We were so relieved that this was going to be taken care of so easily. And then we were smacked in the face with big fat rejection! See here is the problem. When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately got insurance through my work so that I could go see the OBGYN. I immediately went to see him about the baby and like I said before just had the c section 4 weeks ago. I haven't seen a primary care physician and haven't even picked one out! Well, when my insurance was established, they just picked a random primary care physician to have on file for me (that I have never talked to or even heard of) just to have one on file. So the General Surgeon that was going to do my gall bladder surgery said that he couldn't do the surgery without a referral from my primary care physician. Since it was the holiday weekend, I wouldn't be able to see the primary care physician until Tuesday at the earliest. Then the primary care physician would run all the blood tests (that I have already done twice at this point) just to get me a referral to the general surgeon. Then the general surgeon would have a consultation with me, THEN we would schedule the surgery. I mean, we are talking I would have to wait in pain for like 2 weeks. The pain wasn't controlled with hydrocodone, so what was I supposed to do? Go to Urgent care every 4 hours to get a shot of morphine? I couldn't live in that pain, and I couldn't live constantly drugged for 2 weeks. I have to work and I have a beautiful baby to take care of. Needless to say, I was pretty stressed out at this point. So we were at a loss and getting pretty frustrated at the Urgent Care Dr. Finally he told me that I should just go to the emergency room and tell they would do the emergency surgery there. Instead of 1 day in the hospital it would mean 4 days in the hospital with a way longer recovery but I couldn't go another day in that massive amount of pain. So we headed to the emergency room at around 2pm.
At this point my father in law came and got the baby so that she wasn't in the emergency room with all the sick people. Before we headed over to the ER, the Urgent Care Dr gave me a half shot of morphine so that I wouldn't be in pain in the waiting room of the ER. When we arrived, we filled out all the paperwork and talked to the doctor. The first doctor we talked to was a real jerk. He was saying that they had to do the blood tests over again (even though I had done them twice) and that if they came back normal with no infection, they wouldn't do the surgery. I asked him what that meant for me and he just said pain management. I told him that the pain wasn't managed with hydrocodone and that my blood tests that I had just done at midnight and at 9am had come back normal and healthy. So basically he wasn't going to do the surgery. I called the Urgent Care place and asked them to please fax over all information that they had to the ER so that they could see that I was already recommended to get my gall bladder out. By the time they faxed everything over, there was another doctor that I got to talk to. I explained the whole situation to him and he was a lot nicer. I just explained that I already had an appointment set up to have the surgery but the only problem was with the insurance and primary care doctor situation. He was a lot more understanding and called the surgeon on staff that day. He said that he would speak with the surgeon and that he couldn't make any promises because it would ultimately be the surgeon's call but that he would give him all the info. Finally after waiting for a couple hours, they said that the surgeon wanted to talk to me. We talked for a little bit and he asked me about my pain. I told him I had morphine in my system and it didn't hurt as long as no one touched it. He laid me back on the table and found out very quickly by my scream that that was true when he pressed down below my ribs. He said that he was comfortable with doing the surgery and that they had a room open already and everything. So I got ready and was in the OR surgery room at 5/6ish. I don't really remember the time. They did the surgery and I was in my recovery room at 730pm. I remember Brian walking in and I was so relieved. I stayed the night and was discharged the following day around lunch time. I came home and immediately went to sleep. So I am at the point now where I can be up for a little bit but then I have to lie down and take a good size nap. So as if the c section didn't take away my stomach muscles, now I really don't have any. lol
The hardest thing about all of this was not being able to take care of Ryot. She is still so helpless and depends on Brian and I for everything. It was so hard for me not to be able to hold her and take care of her. Even now, I have to be really careful because if she moves in the wrong direction and hits one of the incision sites, then I am in a crap load of pain. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband who has worked wonders in taking care of me and Ryot. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful man in our lives! So now, it's just hydrocodone, zofran, saltine crackers, and a lot of sleep.
I just can't wait until I am finally back to my old self. I want to be able to eat normal food again. I want to be able to clean my house without being in pain or having to take a nap after 10 minutes. I want to be able to fully take care of my daughter without being in pain. I want to be able to sleep on my stomach again. Or just to sleep lying completely flat even would be nice! But for this time in my life, God has chosen to make me completely helpless to have to depend on Him and other peoples help...which I'm not very good at doing. So any and all prayers for rest, recovery, and patience would be greatly appreciated!!!
Love and kisses from a ranting mom and wife...
Kayla Jo
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