Receivers or Reproducers?

I am just overwhelmed by truth right now. Thank you Lord for revealing yourself to me!

I just read two more chapters in this book called Radical by David Platt. (amazing! Go read it!) The question that this part of the book proposes is simple. Are we receivers or reproducers? We are all called to be teachers. We are called to spread the gospel to the world. We were not saved for our sake, but for the sake of God's glory. It is our responsibility as God's children to take His grace and His glory to all the world. This means the people around us, the people in neighboring states and the people in neighboring countries. This calling is not reserved for a select few. This calling is yours from the moment that you relinquish control of your life and let God live through you. This is a calling to teach and to disciple. The book speaks about how we often times think about that meaning that we have to have big productions and big performances. But Jesus took 12 men and invested 3 years into them. He spent all of His time showing them how to live, how to speak and how to spread the gospel.


David Platt explains it so well like this:

"For example, imagine "going" and leading someone to faith in Christ and then seeing her "baptized" in identification with Christ and his church. Now what? How is she going to learn to walk with Christ daily? If teaching is limited to a select few in the church who are equipped for that then we will immediately tell this new Christians she needs to sit in a classroom and learn from a teacher. Thus we get the common approach to "discipleship" today - a far cry from the disciple making of Jesus. It's not that sitting in lecture-style settings is not beneficial, but what if Christ has actually set us up to be the teachers? Think about it. What would be the most effective way for this new follower of Christ to learn to pray? To sign her up for a one-hour-a-week class on prayer? Or to invite her personally into your quiet time with God to teach her how to pray? Similarly, what would be the most effective was for this new follower of Christ to learn to study the Bible? To register her in the next available course on Bible study? Or to sit down with her and walk her through the steps of how you have learned to study the Bible?"

He goes on to talk about how this "raises the bar in our Christianity". We have to study the Word in order to be able to share what we have learned. We have to actually pray in order to teach someone how to pray. This should create a challenge for us to know God so that we can teach Him to others. Do I believe that people are given different spiritual gifts? Yes. But do I believe that I am relieved from my obligation to spread the gospel just because God hasn't given me the desire to go to school for a teaching degree? Absolutely not.

We have been raised in a society where life revolves around us. We have to pay attention in school so that we can go to college to make a good career to make a lot of money to provide a good life for a good family. There is nothing wrong with going to college and having a good career and providing for your family. But we are called to use those gifts and blessings that God gives us for HIS glory. This just puts everything in perspective. Yes, I have questions and stresses and whatnot about my life and the circumstances I am in. But I am called to be a teacher. So I need to turn my circumstances over to God and ask how I can use them in my life to teach the gospel to others. The question should not be what I can gain or how I can overcome the circumstance but how can I let God speak through this circumstance in my life?

These obstacles in my life are not about me overcoming them but about God being glorified through them.

Conditional Forgiveness????????

I have been talking about forgiveness a lot lately...because that is kinda my world right now. As I'm reading through the word and growing in Christ, the same concept has been popping up over and over. I dont know if its because it is God asking me a question or if it is me obsessing over this thought so any feedback is much appreciated!! I have been reading this book called Radical by David Platt. Today I read a chapter about the American Dream. It drew the difference between how we think life is supposed to be lived and how God intended life to be lived. Striving for the American Dream states that if we are determined and set our mind to it, we can do anything and accomplish anything so acheive that "white-picket fence" or high-rise condo or mansion in Spain or multi-billion dollar company or whatever lifestyle that we want. The Bible time and time again tells stories of the opposite. God causes things to happen in our lives that bring us to complete desperation in Him so that He reecives the glory...the glory that He solely deserves. If I work really hard on a project, then when it is completed I am proud and satisfied with my dedication. I receive the glory because I worked hard. What I forget is that God gave me the opportunity, focus, drive, talents, etc that I needed to complete the project in the first place. Unfortunately, often times with things are going good, we forget about thanking God completely. In the book, David mentions the story of Jericho. He displays this picture of Joshua preparing for battle. He is thinking about all the strategies and tactics for war as he should be being the leader of the army. But God has a different plan. This battle was not about Joshua being a good leader or a strong warrior. This story is about God revealing His power and strength. So he tells Joshua to march around the walls and on the last day, march around playing trumpets and have the people shout. That must have sounded ridiculous. But this is the plan that God designed that would show his faithfulness the best. I say all of this to draw a comparison to how we think things should be done vs how God inteds them to be...I promise my question will come soon... hang tight. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Colossians 1:13-14 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Psalm 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us Now to the question part of this rant....I obviously struggle with insecurity because of the infidelity in my marriage. It goes back to that same head-to-heart struggle that I have described before. I remind myself of who I am in Christ and that I am a daughter of the God who created me exactly as I am and loves me unconditionally. But just as easily in the back of my mind I have the picture of being replaced...of someone else holding his hand and laughing at his jokes. Everyone says trust is not just given, it is earned. I know there are consequences for actions but here is where I'm getting a little confused. In the verses that I listed above, none of them say "If you confess your sins, He will forgive you but He will have to wait and see over time if you really are going to change." And they also dont say "For he rescued us from the dominion of darkness and put us on probation to make us jump through a ton of hoops before being really reconnected and forgiven and given a clean slate." Part of me is very convicted about this. I sin EVERY DAY and I know I will sin EVERY DAY for the rest of my life but yet I want God to trust me to carry His will out. I want to be used by Him and for Him to trust me to be a good and faithful servant. So how does that connect with my human emotions? God gave me a very big heart and feels everything. I love and hurt very easily because I love with my everything. I love with my everything because that is how I feel that God has called His children to be. So I guess my question is two-fold and all boils down to this: When God forgives us, he doesn't put conditions on his forgiveness. He forgives and says you are wiped clean and your sin is as far as the East is from the West. If we are called to be like Jesus, doesn't that mean we are called to forgive without conditions? And how the HECK do I do that when all of those insecurities and thoughts keep popping up in my mind?

Fear No Evil

I remember spending the night at my Granny's when i was little. Every morning when we would wake up we would cuddle on the couch and read our Psalm and Proverb for the day. There are 31 days in month and 31 Proverbs for those days....overlapping in some months of course, but you catch my drift. :) So remembering that past time, I opened my Bible this morning and thought, hmm April 23rd- Psalm 23! I have read these verses plenty of times. Some people even have them memorized because it is a "popular" segment of scripture. But today as I read them I saw something different. (Isn't God awesome that way?) Psalm 23:3-4 "He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Disclaimer: Now I don't know if this is what it means exactly, but I feel like this is what I saw and understood today and is worth looking into further.... First David says "He leads me in paths of righteousness" then directly after that refers to that path as "the valley of the shadow of death". Now I don't know if he is directly referring to it that way but it got me thinking...I wonder if David is referring to them as one in the same? The path that God calls us on may not always be the easiest one. But it is the path that is right in order for us to glorify Him. I know that I refer everything back to my divorce right now, but that it what I am going through so that's all I got. My divorce isn't easy but maybe it is necessary. Actually, I can't even say "maybe". I know its necessary because my relationship with my husband was more important to me than my relationship with God. God has a plan and my life too the necessary turn to get back on track. How crazy different would our lives be lived if we realized that ITS NOT ABOUT US? Does that mean my whole marriage was a mistake? I don't think so. I think it served it's purpose. I really loved him and got to experience good, fun happy times. And out of that love, I got a beautiful little girl. And on top of that, it really showed me what trying to live life on your own will is like. It's powerless. If you ask my friend what they think of me and how they would describe me of course I would love to hear words like loving, caring, kind and strong. But I also know that my honest friends would say that I'm a bit of a worry wart....ok a LOT of a worry wart. I'm very analytical and I like to have things a certain way. I like to figure things out on my own. I feel like that is one of the lessons, the many lessons, that I am learning and will be learning from my past. This about those words: "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me." You apply that to any situation... Even though I am going through the divorce, I will fear no guilt and shame for You are with me. Even though I don't know what the heck I'm doing, I will fear no uncertainty, for You are with me. Even though Social Security savings are depleting, I will fear no worries, for You are with me. Even though I'm sick Even though my child/family member/teacher/friend is sick Even though the economy is bad Even though I/my husband/my friend doesn't have a job Even though I am alone Even though I have obstacles WHATEVER the case may be, it is always followed by "I will fear no evil, for you are with me." Not, I fear only some evil...but I will fear NO evil. That is suck an awesome truth. This life is not about me. This life is about bringing glory to the risen King. And if I believe that truth, don't I think that He would guide me to get over the obstacles and make the necessary decisions to bring Him glory? I am not in control. THANK YOU, LORD. I just have to submit and follow His guidance. Even though the path is uncertain, I will fear NO evil, for You are with me, God.

Seeking God

I have heard, been taught my whole life, read in scripture and believe that the Holy Spirit lives in believers. I know that He is part of the trinity and guides, comforts, convicts and loves me every moment of every day. Today however, was the first time (that i can remember) hearing God as the Holy Spirit being referred to as the "in-dwelling of Christ". Now, those sound like the same thing...because they are. But just that small change of wording stood out to me today:

The Holy Spirit lives in me.

The Holy Spirit is the in-dwelling of Christ.

The Holy Spirit should be an active source of energy in my actions. The Holy Spirit is the IN-DWELLING of Christ. A constant guide. A forever Father.

I asked this question earlier on my facebook:

"If the disciples who lived and talked and walked with Jesus were told to wait on the Holy Spirit, how much more do I need the Holy Spirit to lead my life?" My Pastor today was speaking on how much of a necessity it is for believers to consult and take direction from the Holy Spirit. I mean, think about it. What is my purpose on this earth. My sole purpose. GLORIFY GOD. My purpose is not to be a good mom, wife, employee, sister or friend. It is not to be the fastest, smartest or prettiest. It is to glorify God in every breath, every action, every thought that passes my brain that God gave me to think with in the first place. So, if I believe whole-heartedly that my purpose is to glorify God in everything I do, Pastor Sonny asked the question why would we dare not give the Holy Spirit at least a small thought in the morning? Why would we not be on our knees praying for guidance and discernment and love for the people in our lives? Why would we not be consulting the Holy Spirit before facing a world that is full of obstacles to distract us?

I'm guilty. I don't read my Bible in the morning. And I have PLENTY of excuses. I'm tired or the baby is awake and needs my attention or I am running late or I am whatever. But then think about this....if you know that you have to be up early for a fishing trip or you are going to have a busy day with the kids, what do you typically do. "I gotta go to bed early because I have a busy day tomorrow." "I gotta go to bed early because I have to get up super early." Why do we not have the passion for reading the scripture. My friend and sunday school teacher repeatedly says, Christ is all. If I truly believe that Christ is all, why is it more important to get an extra 30 min of sleep than it is for me to dive into the Word?

If we believe that we are placed on this earth to glorify God, should we not be seeking Him on how to do that in our daily lives?

The Silly Looking Jungle - A Story of Friendship

Once upon a time, a purple snake who's name was Pink (Caedi) was sssssslithering through the silly looking jungle when he got stuck in the slimy muddy rainbow pond (Caedi). The pink Gorilla, who's name was The Muddy Sock(Avery), came to rescue the slithering snake. Then The Muddy Sock said, "I'm going to eat you up after I rescue you." "Oh no!" Said the snake! "I dont like this at all! I don't want to get stuck!I want someone else to rescue me.(Caedi and Charlotte)" So the Gorilla went away. So, next the Snake King who's name was Giant Snake (Charlotte) came to rescue the purple snake named Pink. Giant Snake king said, "I will rescue you, Pink(Caedi)". So the Giant Snake King used his tail (Sean) to pull Pink out of the mud. After Pink got out of the mud, he apologized to the mud for getting stuck. (Sean) Then gorilla named The Muddy Sock came back to the snake named Pink and the Giant Snake King and said "I'm sorry" (Caedi) (for not rescuing the snake and saying he would eat him) Then the gorilla gave the snake named Pink a hug (Sean) and a sorry card (Caedi). Then they were all friends. They decided to have a party. They ate cupcakes (Avery), a beautiful princess cupcake (Charlotte), cakes (Sean), spaghetti (Sean), sticks (Gabe) and they drank soda (Caedi). Then they danced music (Gabe) from the Fresh Beat Band(Caedi). And they lived happily ever after. The End.(Caedi)


This story was written by Caedi, Sean and Gabe Mortell and Charlotte and Avery Griffin. Background screaming credit goes to Baby Ryot.

Lightbulb Moment

I have read 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 a hundred times....ok I dont know if I can actually say one hundred times, but a lot anyways....Well, it doesn't matter how much I read the Bible or have it taught to me, God reveals different things to me every time. So in my sunday school class my teacher, Jason, was talking about how we are called to love the poor and listen, encourage and reach out to those around us. So we start reading this passage, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or RESENTFUL" BRAKE! This is where I came to a screeching halt. It smacked me in the face. I have to forgive Brian. I have to forgive him. I have to forgive him. over and over and over it rang in my head. I think it is sNow when my world crashed a month ago, I knew that I would have to forgive him eventually. I kept hearing people say, "It's going to take time, but you'll move on" and "Only time will heal this wound". Well today, God told me that that time was up. I even tried arguing with him. That didn't go over so well...

No, God, Jason is talking about patience. We aren't learning about resentment today.
No, God, I'm focusing on patience right now. We are supposed to be talking about patience.
God, Brian doesn't deserve forgiveness. He tore my world apart.

BUT...I didn't deserve forgiveness. I don't deserve God's love, but it is given to me daily. God just kept saying, You have to forgive him. So immediately my brain kicks into overdrive.

But what does that mean, God? How is that going to work?
You don't have to know how it is going to work. I am in control.

But how does that work with our future? And visitations? and communication?
You are my child and I have great plans for you. I am in control.

But I dont want anything to do with him.I can't do this. I'm scared.
You're right, you cant do this. But I can do it through you. I have provided for you and forgiven you. You have to show my love to Him.

But, but, but...at this point I know Gods truth. I know that he has great plans for me. I know that I am a child of God and my purpose on this earth is to glorify Him. My life is not about my marriage. My life is not about my child. My life is about glorifying God.

So the only thing I can say is.....Ok, God.

I dont know all the answers. I dont know how it is all going to work out. But the great thing about it is, I dont have to know. God is in control. And that takes SOO much pressure off of me so that I can just listen to what God has for me and obey. I can sit here and be bitter and be sad because that is easier but that is just a waste of time. I have been called to share God's love. It makes my stomach turn thinking about having to interact with Brian and talk to him. Honestly, having to share my daughter with him scares the living daylights out of me and makes me sick! But I have to do it. And I have to rejoice in sharing God's love with Brian because it is what I have been called to do. I have to be an example of Christ's love to Brian.

I guess you could call it a lightbulb moment. He spoke and now I have to be obedient and follow Him.

Ok, God. What now?

Worrying...

Last week, my brother in law was talking to me about Philippians. He was encouraging me to read through it as he had gained so much insight and encouragement from his own devotionals. This Sunday, my Sunday school teacher was talking about the enemies of Unity in the church. The 1st enemy is the world, the 2nd enemy is the devil and the 3rd enemy was myself. He spoke about how the Bible calls us to be anxious in nothing and to trust that God is in control. He said that worrying takes your time and energy away from what you should be doing and really takes away from God's sovereignty. One thing that i added to my thoughts was that not only does it take away from my fellowship with God but it takes away from my witness and testimony to others. Now bear with me because these two things do coincide at some point... :)

Well this morning I didn't quite know where to start in my quiet time with God...so I defaulted to Biblegateway.com. The verse of the day was Philippians 1:29 "For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him". I just said, Ok God I will read Philippians today. So I started out in the beginning because I know it is a letter so I wanted to read it in context. Memorizing scripture is great and I think necessary, but when you get a letter do you just pick a sentence out in the middle? No, you read the whole thing. So I decided to read the whole thing...well at least the 1st chapter. But when I got done with the first chapter the last verse of Philippians is 1:30 "since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have." I couldn't just stop there! It says, now hear what I still have and I'm not a big fan of cliff hangers so I read through chapter 2:1-4 and stopped. Then it kinda connected for me. The first chapter he is greeting the people of the church of Philippi. He is explaining his situation of being in jail. He isn't complaining about being in chains or begging anyone to come and save him. He is still encouraging them from captivity! He tells them that what has happened to him is actually serving to advance the gospel. He is telling the people that the guards are hearing that he is in chains because of his belief in Christ and that others are now preaching because of his example. He says that some people are preaching out of selfish ambition to try to cause trouble for him but he says that he rejoices because Christ is still being preached. When I read that I kinda laughed. I mean, seriously, how awesome is that? He is in chains, away from his friends and family and the church that he loves. I'm sure that the church of Philippi is worried sick about him. I would be worried if my Pastor was in jail, who wouldn't be, right? Paul wasn't. Paul wasn't worried at all. He saw it as another path that God was leading him down to spread the gospel.

This brings me back to the subject of worrying. I like to be in control. I like to know that all my ducks are in a row, everything is organized and I know what is going to happen next. I am a planner. I make lists. I make lists of my lists. It's ridiculous. Right now, my life is in a state of almost constant chaos. I am living out of boxes. And I can't even unpack all of those boxes because I am living in someone else's house! AND I wont even be able to unpack those boxes because we are going to be moving to a different house in a couple of months. With my financial situation and the divorce and new job and bills and start up costs, etc, I can't just jump out to be on my own right now. So needless to say, I worry. I worry about the menial stuff like finances and work and I worry about the bigger stuff like the emotional state and upbringing of my baby girl. I know things worked differently back in Paul's time. He didn't have a cell phone bill or a car payment, but I am not living on the street eating bread and fish either...our lives are completely different and yet our God is still the same. He provides for me just as He provided for Paul. Paul had plenty to worry about by the world's standards. But Paul was writing FROM CHAINS to encourage and comfort the people who were continuing to go about their every day business. Imagine if Paul had been worrying. Imagine if he had been pacing the floors banging on the door "Let me out of here! I can't believe this is happening! I didn't do anything wrong! You are violating my rights!" Imagine if he was crying out to God "Why me? Why is this happening? I just want to go home." How much time and energy would that take away from sharing the gospel? I believe our purpose as Christians on this earth is to glorify God. (Purpose meaning: The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.) If we really whole-heartedly believe that the reason we even exist is to glorify God then there is no other option that to rejoice in every situation that happens because God has allowed it to happen for His glory. Paul didn't waste time worrying. He sent a letter home to his friends, family and the church to tell them to preach the gospel. He was saying, don't worry about me. Don't you see that this is all to advance the gospel? He was pointing out that the most important thing on this earth is bringing glory to God.

I have cried out to God. I have cried, no SOBBED at His feet. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that. The Bible says that He is our comfort. He urges us to come to Him. He has given us hearts and allowed us to feel. He knows that we are human. But when we have cried out to Him and drawn hear at His feet. We can't waste another minute. He has called us to be His messengers. He has given us a task that we must accomplish. I have had many amazing people reach out to me during this crazy turn in my path. I have asked advice from other single moms and cried out to them for comfort. They could not have been that witness and example for me if they had been through the same heart ache. I know that God is going to use this for good. Just as Paul said that people are sharing the gospel because he was in chains, well now I am sharing the gospel and my experiences and thoughts. If I hadn't gone through this, I would not be able to share in the heart ache and the redemption and healing. I am grateful that God cared about me enough to draw me closer to Him...even if it is through this tough time. So it doesn't matter how the gospel is shared, the important part is that it is being shared.

I am no saint. I am DEFINITELY not perfect. I am a work in progress and I am learning how God wants to use this in my life and the lives of those around me. I'm still hurting. I still cry. I still look at my sweet little girl and wonder and hope that she will gain her validation from Christ instead of trying to feel worthy from a man. But those moments are fleeting. They go just as quickly as they come because I know that God is my provider. Maybe he will bring someone in my life down the road that I can share with them my experiences and my love for Christ. Maybe this blog will be used as a guide for a sweet girl when she gets older. Maybe the hurt and the pain that I'm feeling needed to happen to get me to that extreme point of exhaustion where the only other place to go was God. I don't know all of God's plans. But I do know that like Paul, I am rejoicing. I am rejoicing that God will be glorified. I am rejoicing that I now have another way to reach out to people so that they can see an example of His provision. I am excited that God wants to use me in this way. I could have carried on in my life still trying to gain validation and love from a man, but God wants something better for me. He wants my love and my affection and wants to give that same love and affection back to me! He wants to use me. He was not satisfied leaving me as just a blob trying to find joy in menial things. I have a purpose and it is definitely not to worry about things that I have no control over.

So through this all, I can say that God is being glorified and He is drawing me closer to Him every day. So even though it was and is still painful at times, it is worth it. Philipians 1:19 "for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance."

Transparency

Transparent according to webster is:
A. free from pretense or deceit : frank
B. easily detected or seen through : obvious
C. readily understood
D. characterized by visibility or accessibility of information especially concerning business practices

So in order to learn everything that I can and be a learning tool for those around me, and my daughter in the future, I have decided to be transparent. Completely open and honest about what I'm feeling no matter how pathetic, embarrassing, or completely wrong I may be.

Today in conversing with my still-husband-but-hopefully-soon-to-be-ex, he told me that he is in love with the girl that he started dating the day after I posted on facebook that we were no longer together....which to lay it out plainly means that they obviously were dating long before that....ANYWAYS, he intends on marrying her and moving to Washington to be with her...and her FOUR kids.

Here is where the completely wrong point of view comes through which is just the broken heart speaking. I hope that he does move. I hope that he moves to Washington as far north in Washington as he can go. I hope that he gets a job so he can pay child support to Ryot and Izzy and Vini but that he never gets a promotion so that he can't afford to visit. I hope that he decides that he doesn't want to be a part of our lives so that I don't have to deal with him ever again. Is that whats best for Ryot? I don't know. Would I ever purposefully hinder a relationship with Ryot and her dad? As long as he isn't a danger to her, no. But I can dream....

How could I have been so blind? How could I not see that he was starting a relationship with someone else. I knew that we had arguments and issues but I wanted to work through them...not find someone to replace him.

So where am I? What am I doing? What am I thinking?

I am currently sitting at an empty table in a quiet house. I feel like the whole world is caving in on me. But what I feel and what I know are two different things. I know that my God is a jealous God and wants my heart to beat for Him. My heart didn't break that I didn't spend my quiet time with Him this morning, but it did break when Brian would neglect time with me. Saying that God is a jealous God is a blanket statement but an interesting concept when you put it in terms you can really grasp.... So what happens now? Now I wait. I pray and I wait for guidance and comfort. And I keep my head up by reminding myself of truth. I am chosen. I am loved. I am not judged. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And not only made, but created with gifts and talents meant only for me to serve a purpose in the body of Christ. I am here for a purpose and that is to glorify God. Yes, I am heartbroken, but in the big picture, what am I supposed to learn? How is this situation glorifying God? If it isn't glorifying God, how can I make it glorify God?

16 week challege - Week 1 Day 1

The hubs and I watched a very interesting show called Fat Chef. I was already kinda insulted by the shows name, but decided to watch it anyway. I like to stay away from the term "fat". It is so negative. I think that people are beautiful in every shape and size. Does that mean I don't want to lose weight? No. I would love to lose 30 lbs, but I don't think that I am ugly at the weight I'm at currently....just more shapely. Anyways, this show intrigued me because their lifestyle didn't change. There are other shows like this that the trainer is with the victim...umm...I mean person all the time, watching what they eat and exercising with them. Not this show. Fat Chef is about real people with real jobs. And to top that, they aren't just people with temptations, they are chefs! (Hence the name, Fat Chef) They are around food and have to taste food all day long!
One of the chefs on the show was a big inspiration and really a slap in the face for me. He was 311 lbs at the beginning of the show. He talked about how people call him "Big Mike" instead of just Mike and how much he hated it. He talked about how he wanted to be a good example for his daughter. He talked about how he wanted to change to a healthier lifestyle to feel better and look better. He continued to work his job where the chef there made him taste everything before it went out to the customers, he worked out 6 days a week and he made healthier choices in food. At the end of each week, he stepped on the scale and continuously saw results. At the very end of the 16 week challenge, he stepped on the scale in front of all of his friends (which just the thought of being on the scale in front of my friends is terrifying to me). To my and everyone else's surprise he had lost 100 lb. He had made it all the way down to 211 lbs. I couldn't believe it! He had confidence and a big smile. He was happier, healthier and looked great! What an inspiration.
So I decided....no more excuses. I work a full time job just like he did, but I'm not around tempting food all day. I have a gym membership and can go 6 days a week no problem. I have full control over what I eat and can make wise choices. I have been lazy and been making excuses and I'm not going to do it anymore. My 16 week challenge starts now. If I lost 100 lbs, I would probably die so my goal is just 30 lbs. And not really even the number...if I get down to a size 7, I would be happy....I don't think my genetically enlarged booty would let me get any smaller :) and I have no need or desire to be smaller than that. This woman's gotta have SOME curves!!
My coworker bought the office Starbucks this morning. I can't let beautiful coffee go to waste, so I saw it as my last hoorah of sinful food. Good bye Starbucks. I will check back in frequently with updates...hopefully my updates will be with good news of progress. Wish me luck!

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Getting my groove back - post baby

Just read an article by Danielle Hampton on HelloGiggles.com
It is so true! I hate getting ready in the morning because nothing fits right. I used to take pictures off myself with my hubby or puppy and think that I was cute or attractive but now I just see a blob and it can get down right depressing sometimes. Itbespecially hits hard when I think about being a rolemodel for my daughter.i want her to have confidence in who she is, her abilities and how she looks. I mean I know its nothing I can control but it still bothers me that if I am not happy with how I look how can i expect her to be?

The three suggestions that Danielle Hampton makes are golden. I can personally attest to the first one. Getting ready in the morning really does help. It just gives me a little extra pride in how I look so that i can hold my head up high. Along with this one I think one more thing can be added along the same lines...wear cute under garments. I love Victoria Secret but I can't afford that all the time.stop really anything that is cure will do. And for all you grinch's out there who say you don't wear stuff like that because it s not comfortable, I say balogna! you can find stuff that is comfortable too.i don't wear anything thats not comfortable.

On that note am going to take a nap to let my back heal.

Disclaimer- if something is spelled wrong its because I am using my phone and fight proofread sgml ther auto-corrects. :)