I was terrified. I was sitting at the baggage claim watching all of the family's reunite. Some couples would see each other and just smile and walk away together, some would be greeted with a big embrace, but very few walked away without someone by their side. Ryot kept me fairly entertained with her giggles and curiosity. She definitely kept me busy by having to chase her down and keep her from eating pennies off of the dirty airport tile. But still, there was a knot the size of Texas in my stomach. I was excited, nervous, happy, curious, anxious, TERRIFIED. When I got the text that he was on his way to the baggage claim, I froze. In that moment it hit me that I was about to see him...actually see him in person. I couldn't hide my emotions. I couldn't pretend to be anything I wasn't because he would be right in front of me. When I finally saw him on the other side of the building, I waved, and then remembered that he is practically blind so I kinda laughed and walked closer to see him. He saw us and I went in for a kinda weird side hug that I don't think he was prepared for. Then we had about 10 minutes of awkward silence mixed with "small talk" conversation such as:
"Are you hungry?"
"No, I ate in Tulsa at the airport"
"How was your flight?"
"Good.........I missed you"
"I missed you too"
Now today we are on day three of Brian being home. Praise God that Brian is home!!!! I can't explain this any other way except that God is perfect and all-knowing and merciful and loving and always always always faithful. He has drawn both Brian and myself closer to Him and brought us back together. He has restored a relationship that I thought would never be mended. It's an amazing thing when you let go and let God take over your life. There are blessings and miracles that overflow in my life that I could have never imagined. God is good. God is soooo good and gracious and kind.
There are still some awkward moments sometimes and I imagine there are still going to be awkward moments every now and then. He was gone from our lives for a long time. But through trusting God and relying on His strength, our life has been transformed. My role as a mother is being supported by a Godly, loving, helpful father. My role as a wife is slowly being discovered and supported and reintroduced through Brian's patience, care and openness. My role as a child of the Risen King is reinforced by uplifting and positive conversation and prayer with my husband. (my husband...have to admit it still feels kinda weird to say)
I read that "It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage (see, Buss and Shackelford for review of this research). And these numbers are probably on the conservative side, when you consider that close to half of all marriages end in divorce (people are more likely to stray as relationships fall apart". Through seeking the Lord, diving in the Word to learn more about His character and learning to trust Him with every aspect of my life including reconciliation to my husband, I have found more joy than I ever knew before. A few months ago I hit a bump in the road that turned my whole world upside down. I knew that my life would never be the same. I just didn't understand that it would be BETTER than it was before. Praise God!
