Weight Loss Challenge

I'm pretty sure that in a previous blog I mentioned Brian's weight loss challenge to me. Just for kicks, let's re-cap:

I was preggo and the belly was really poking out. I was WAY past the point of even thinking about buying any clothes because nothing fit over the belly anymore. I was looking at the window displays with the pictures of all of the skinny models and honestly I got a little depressed. I mean, I was a little overweight before I got pregnant but no where near the whale version that I got to in the pregnancy. I told Brian that I couldn't wait until I could go shopping again and actually have clothes that fit me. I couldn't wait to feel pretty again. Just to clarify before people freak out- I felt pretty as far as being a mommy-to-be with a beautiful miracle growing in me, but as a wife for my husband and woman I did not feel pretty most days. So my loving husband issued a challenge to me. Oh how I love challenges...especially those involving me winning money!!! He said that after I heal a bit and am ready to start working out, we will take my initial weight. Then every week we will re-weigh me. If I don't lose anything, I don't get any money. If I gain, I lose money. And for EVERY pound I lose he will give me $20. I almost choked when he said it! So let's see....10 pounds = $200, 20 pounds = $400, 30 pounds = $600...yep! SIX HUNDRED DELICIOUS DOLLARS. I mean for real, if I lose 0 pounds I'm going to need $600 to buy a whole new wardrobe anyway right?? So, yes, he has lost his mind, but it is to my advantage so it doesn't bother me much. : )

So it was my goal to lose 30 pounds. Well....here is a picture of me the morning that I went to be induced

Well since having her, and then 4 weeks later having gall bladder surgery that majorly effected my diet, here I am 42 pounds later. Yes, I said 42 pounds lost!!

I would have made $840 but we hadn't started the challenge yet. So now I have a new goal of another 30 pounds and we are starting today! So I will have to keep you updated on how much money I'm winning....

With that being said....my lovely family and I are going for a walk!

Later Gators!

Kayla Jo

Gallbladder Diet

I know I already blogged today...but I have to get this out.

Lately, everything I eat has been hurting my stomach. I went to the doctor for my gallbladder surgery follow up and he said that I had a stomach ulcer. He prescribed me meds and the pain got a little better, but not much. He also said that I am probably not eating the right foods either. He couldn't give me a list of foods not to eat but he could tell me that I was eating wrong...I thought that was weird. Anyways, I did a little research about the diet that I'm supposed to have/not have and to be honest I'm quite devastated.

Here is a list of the things it says I should avoid:
(The first couple items in bold are the ones I'm going to have the MOST trouble with. I mean Seriously? How can I live without chocolate? For those of you who really know me I have stated numerous times that chocolate is God's gift to mankind)

Chocolate
Oranges
Grapefruits
Spicy Foods
Chicken
Red Meats
Coffee
Ice Cream
Pork
Onions
Dairy
Eggs
Turkey
Gluten
Corn
Nuts
Trans Fats
Margarine
Saturated Fats
Fried Foods
Tap Water
Carbonated Water
Black Tea
Cabbage
Cauliflower
Oats
Artificial Sugar
Alcohol (Beer, Wine, Liquer)


My friend Nancy, who is a nurse by the way, said that she has seen patients that have over time been able to eat whatever they want. Maybe this is what will happen to me. Maybe I can start incorporating, little by little, the yummy things like chocolate and oranges back into my diet. Maybe I won't be able to eat them every again. All I know is that I am going to start following this list for the next couple weeks because I am willing to try ANYTHING to get my stomach to stop hurting like this. Plus....no greasy foods or fried foods? I think I can deal with that. And it will help with my weight loss goals. : )


So now I am going to part with my blog to go look up some recipes for my new crazy diet!

Heart to Head Disconnect

Sometimes I have a heart to head disconnect.....for example.

My heart says my house is a wreck.
My head says that I am learning a schedule balancing working, being a good wife, cleaning, laundry, taking care of the puppy, and taking care of my new little angel, Ryot.

My heart says that I'm a bad mom when I can't get Ryot to go to sleep in her crib.
My head says that both of us are learning new things. I'm learning how to be a mom and she is learning what life is like outside of the womb. And that it's going to be a process throughout my whole life of learning new things.

My heart says I'm stupid for admitting my worries and stresses out loud or on facebook. That I'm weak for voicing my frustrations.
My head says that I am brave for asking for advice and expressing those feelings. That it is unhealthy to keep all those feelings bent up inside and that if people want to judge me for how I'm feeling then they really don't need to be in my life in the first place.

My heart says that I'm self conscious and embarrassed about my body and my weight.
My head says that I just had a baby AND gall bladder surgery and that I have to take care of myself and the baby and heal before I even worry about those things.

I KNOW in my head all of the right and rational things but I have this disconnect somewhere in my heart. I have this piece of me that says "You're a bad wife. Look at that basket of laundry that hasn't been put away." "You're a terrible mom. You can't get your own daughter to sleep in her crib." "Your so weak and messed up. You are the only one who is having any of these frustrations or problems." "You are fat and ugly. None of your clothes fit you and they never will." But then I have this other piece that tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And that is the piece I have to listen to....or I will go INSANE!

So as I sit here my laundry is not done, Ryot is wide awake, I just let out some of my worries and frustrations, and I'm eating chocolate chip cookies...BUT I have a smile on my face and I am the happiest woman alive. And that is what matters.

Enough already!

As you all already know, 4 weeks ago today I had a C section to bring my beautiful baby girl into the world. She is growing up so fast I can't believe it! I could rant and rave about how adorable and amazing she is, but this blog is dedicated to a little bit of venting and self expression on my part instead. Selfish? maybe...but I would rather let it out then let it build up and explode at random. So here goes it....

I'm just tired. I'm tired of pain. The c section incision is healing up nicely and my stomach muscles were returning to normal until Thursday night. At 11pm, I was woken up by some of the most intense pain I have ever felt. It literally took me to the floor and had me rolling and rocking back in forth. I am an emotional person. I cry in sad movies. I cry when I'm really happy. I cry when I think about how incredibly blessed and in love I am. I have always been an emotional person. But I also have a pretty high pain tolerance. I don't usually cry with pain. When I was having my contractions, I internalized the pain and breathed through it. Not this time. I was in so much pain I was just sobbing. It was terrible! So Brian loaded the baby and me up and we went off to Urgent Care. They ran some blood tests and gave me morphine for the pain. The pain was finally under control and I could relax a little. The doctor said that because of the location and severity of the pain, it was probably my gall bladder. He wanted me to go home and come back in the morning when the ultrasound techs were there. I went home at 3:30am with a prescription of Zofran for nausea and Hydrocodone with Tylenol for the pain. I was wide awake from the meds and so I told Brian to lie down to get some sleep while I fed the baby. After I fed her, she was WIDE awake and the pain started to come back. I took the hydrocodone and waited for it to kick in. I waited and waited and waited and nothing happened. Ryot was getting fussy because I couldn't hold her. She was fighting sleep and was gassy so she was upset, but I couldn't hold her. It hurt my stomach too bad to put any pressure on it. So I took her in to Brian and had to wake him up suddenly so that I could go to the restroom to throw up from the pain. It was terrible. Brian woke up and got ready so that we could go to the Urgent Care again. We got back to the Urgent Care around 700am and the ultrasound tech wasn't there yet. I was in so much pain at this point that I couldn't think straight. I was just lying on the table bawling. I don't know how to describe the pain any other way then it feels like someone is constantly stabbing you in the ribs and stomach over and over. It's like a constricting pain that takes your breath away. It's constant and it's unbearable. Finally the morphine kicked in and I was at peace again. I think Brian took a video of me. I know that he took a bunch of pictures and he says that I was really out of it. lol. All I know is that the pain was gone finally! They took me to get the ultrasound and sure enough there were tons of little gall bladder stones lining the bottom of my gall bladder. When I met with the doctor again, he said that he was able to set me up with a General Surgeon and we could have the surgery at 12:30 that day. We were so relieved that this was going to be taken care of so easily. And then we were smacked in the face with big fat rejection! See here is the problem. When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately got insurance through my work so that I could go see the OBGYN.  I immediately went to see him about the baby and like I said before just had the c section 4 weeks ago. I haven't seen a primary care physician and haven't even picked one out! Well, when my insurance was established, they just picked a random primary care physician to have on file for me (that I have never talked to or even heard of) just to have one on file. So the General Surgeon that was going to do my gall bladder surgery said that he couldn't do the surgery without a referral from my primary care physician. Since it was the holiday weekend, I wouldn't be able to see the primary care physician until Tuesday at the earliest. Then the primary care physician would run all the blood tests (that I have already done twice at this point) just to get me a referral to the general surgeon. Then the general surgeon would have a consultation with me, THEN we would schedule the surgery. I mean, we are talking I would have to wait in pain for like 2 weeks. The pain wasn't controlled with hydrocodone, so what was I supposed to do? Go to Urgent care every 4 hours to get a shot of morphine? I couldn't live in that pain, and I couldn't live constantly drugged for 2 weeks. I have to work and I have a beautiful baby to take care of. Needless to say, I was pretty stressed out at this point. So we were at a loss and getting pretty frustrated at the Urgent Care Dr. Finally he told me that I should just go to the emergency room and tell they would do the emergency surgery there. Instead of 1 day in the hospital it would mean 4 days in the hospital with a way longer recovery but I couldn't go another day in that massive amount of pain. So we headed to the emergency room at around 2pm.

At this point my father in law came and got the baby so that she wasn't in the emergency room with all the sick people. Before we headed over to the ER, the Urgent Care Dr gave me a half shot of morphine so that I wouldn't be in pain in the waiting room of the ER. When we arrived, we filled out all the paperwork and talked to the doctor. The first doctor we talked to was a real jerk. He was saying that they had to do the blood tests over again (even though I had done them twice) and that if they came back normal with no infection, they wouldn't do the surgery. I asked him what that meant for me and he just said pain management. I told him that the pain wasn't managed with hydrocodone and that my blood tests that I had just done at midnight and at 9am had come back normal and healthy. So basically he wasn't going to do the surgery. I called the Urgent Care place and asked them to please fax over all information that they had to the ER so that they could see that I was already recommended to get my gall bladder out. By the time they faxed everything over, there was another doctor that I got to talk to. I explained the whole situation to him and he was a lot nicer. I just explained that I already had an appointment set up to have the surgery but the only problem was with the insurance and primary care doctor situation. He was a lot more understanding and called the surgeon on staff that day. He said that he would speak with the surgeon and that he couldn't make any promises because it would ultimately be the surgeon's call but that he would give him all the info. Finally after waiting for a couple hours, they said that the surgeon wanted to talk to me. We talked for a little bit and he asked me about my pain. I told him I had morphine in my system and it didn't hurt as long as no one touched it. He laid me back on the table and found out very quickly by my scream that that was true when he pressed down below my ribs. He said that he was comfortable with doing the surgery and that they had a room open already and everything. So I got ready and was in the OR surgery room at 5/6ish. I don't really remember the time. They did the surgery and I was in my recovery room at 730pm. I remember Brian walking in and I was so relieved. I stayed the night and was discharged the following day around lunch time. I came home and immediately went to sleep. So I am at the point now where I can be up for a little bit but then I have to lie down and take a good size nap. So as if the c section didn't take away my stomach muscles, now I really don't have any. lol

The hardest thing about all of this was not being able to take care of Ryot. She is still so helpless and depends on Brian and I for everything. It was so hard for me not to be able to hold her and take care of her. Even now, I have to be really careful because if she moves in the wrong direction and hits one of the incision sites, then I am in a crap load of pain. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband who has worked wonders in taking care of me and Ryot. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful man in our lives! So now, it's just hydrocodone, zofran, saltine crackers, and a lot of sleep.

I just can't wait until I am finally back to my old self. I want to be able to eat normal food again. I want to be able to clean my house without being in pain or having to take a nap after 10 minutes. I want to be able to fully take care of my daughter without being in pain. I want to be able to sleep on my stomach again. Or just to sleep lying completely flat even would be nice! But for this time in my life, God has chosen to make me completely helpless to have to depend on Him and other peoples help...which I'm not very good at doing. So any and all prayers for rest, recovery, and patience would be greatly appreciated!!!

Love and kisses from a ranting mom and wife...

Kayla Jo