Saturday, June 30, 2012

Per aspera ad astra

I don't know where to start in order to explain this, so I will just say God is good. No, God is beyond good. He is great and perfect and loving and omnipresent.

Today was a whirlwind of emotions and decisions completely facilitated by God. Some people say fate or luck, but this was definitely God's blessing. Through the whole day, God closed several doors and opened several more doors and windows of opportunity. In other words, Brian is coming to Houston....tomorrow.

Deep breath.

This is not what I expected or what I had planned, but I know that God has His hand and blessing on this situation. I know that this is where we are supposed to be. I know this is what we are supposed to be doing. Is it scary? yes! Is it exciting at the same time? yes! Do I want my husband home? yes! Am I emotionally, mentally, physically ready? No. But I think thats the point. I have to rely completely on God for his wisdom and strength. Before today my plan was to wait a couple months and prepare myself for him to come home. Prepare the house so that it was presentable. Prepare my heart so that I was ready for the next challenge of repairing our marriage. Prepare my body by getting back in shape so that I feel confident. But I can't lean on my own strength. If I was seriously waiting for my heart to be mended for us to be together again then I would have been waiting forever. Apart from Christ I am nothing. Apart from the healing power of the Holy Spirit, I can't heal or be ready for any challenges. I have to rely completely on God.

So that is what I am doing. God is in control and has made this happen in ways that I can not understand. Everything just happened in such perfect unison. Praise the Lord! I know that this is just the beginning of a very long road, but I also know that God is going to be glorified in our lives. I am trusting in his wisdom and following His lead.

In exactly 24 hours from now, I will be at an airport waiting to see Brian. I'm excited, nervous, anxious, happy, terrified and most of all BLESSED. Through the craziness of the last 4 months, this is my hope and my goal...that my life will be a testimony to the redemption and salvation of the merciful and righteous God. He deserves all the glory and honor and praise.

1 Peter 1:3-9 sums everything up so perfectly!

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire —may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Temporary

I have been learning a lot about God's sustaining power and His glory. This morning I read a couple verses that really touched my heart.

2 Corinthians 4:11-18
11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.
12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, 14 because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself.
15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Now I know that I have said this before but its just a concept that I have to not just say and read but apply to everyday life.

Everything is for God's glory.

Its not as easy to apply this to everyday life but I think its the foundation of ministry, salvation and life itself. Everything encompasses joy, promotions, new babies, new friends as well as heartache, death, financial troubles, etc. everything is for God's glory so that we overflow in thankfulness and give glory to God. This passage just talks about how our bodies are wasting away but life is being renewed in us. Our bodies get old and we endure affliction so that Christ's life may be revealed in us. I have a tenancy to think that life is about me or my relationships. It's human nature. But my life is not about how well I do at my job, if i'm a good parent or good wife. Those should be the blessings that God had given us that are used as tools to give him glory. I can give him glory in my parenting because i'm sharing the love of Jesus with my daughter and raising her in the ways of the Lord so she can spread the gospel. I do well at my job so that people can see not my abilities but that of Christ in me. I am a good wife and Mt husband and I seek the Lord for guidance so that people can see the picture of what God's relationship with His children is supposed to be like. I seek the Lord for guidance in finances and pray for blessing but try to be a good steward of what I have and he does receive the glory.

I don't believe that he causes bad things to happen but I do believe that he allows then to happen so that we fall on our faces and seek and praise God. Then if we are faithful to give God the glory, our brothers and sisters will be uplifted and encouraged and those who do not believe can be drawn closer to Him. So just as vs. 18 says, we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal.

My financial trouble is temporary.
My heartache is temporary.
My fear is temporary.
My insecurity is temporary.

God's love, faithfulness, redeeming power and glory are eternal.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

The Breakthrough: God's timing!

This is going to be a jumbled mumble of thoughts, ideas and occurrences from the last week. My life has changed drastically from even just 1 month ago, I dont even know where to begin. I guess I should start with a conversation I had with my sister. I told her there was absolutely no way that my marriage could ever be saved. True to my sister's character of wisdom and discernment, she reminded me that God can do anything and that my marriage could be reconciled if God grabbed ahold of Brian's heart. I kinda rolled my eyes to the fact (embarrassing to admit, but i promised to be transparent). I told her that that would be the ONLY way that I would even think about reconciling but that probably wasn't going to happen. It wasn't that I was doubting God because I know that He can do anything. I guess I just thought that I knew where my life was going and of course my plans were better, right? ugh. How ridiculous of a thought! The very next day I got the most wonderful news that changed everything and my heart rejoiced. How wonderful that Brian could share in my joy of salvation! How wonderful and what a blessing this was to be able to praise the Lord for the answer to my prayers! I prayed for Brian to open his life up to God for the longest time and finally he got it. He understood. How awesome is our God whose love and faithfulness never fails??

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks and a thousand questions flooded my brain. I recalled telling my sister "well that would be the ONLY way... only way... only way... only way" (Yes, I actually heard it echo like in a movie.) What did this mean? Was I supposed to reconcile? Did this make his decisions ok? Was I supposed to get a divorce? What does this MEAN!? I was really scared, anxious, stressed and overwhelmed at the same time of being thankful, releived and joyful. I asked for prayer from some friends and just decided to jump into the word. This whole process I have been searching the word and seeking God to heal, not to reconcile. This changed things. But God's timing is perfect. I truly believe that if I had not dove so deep into the word and at the feet of my precious Sustainer to heal, then I would have not been in a place to consider reconciliation as an option. After finding out the wonderful news of Brian's committment to Christ, I had a whole new flow of emotions to consider and get used to. I read more scripture on forgiveness and reconciliation and every topic that I thought was pertinent to my situation. I have been taking it day by day and really looking in the Bible for what direction to go in. There is a part of my heart that said that it would be so much easier to just go through with the divorce and move on than it would be to open and disect these wounds to let God heal them. Then another part of my heart always wants my family. But Jason says not to listen to the heart because "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9) So I knew that I had to seek God and get my guidance from His word and His guidance.

So I say all of this to preface last wednesday night.

So Wednesday night, Pastor Sonny speaks on listening to God in prayer. (I wrote my previous post about it if you are curious on my notes!) One of the things that he said was that we should pray scripture for others and our own lives. And that the Holy Spirit will guide you how to live and what to pray for through the Word. For that whole week I had been reading through 1 Corinthians during my morning Bible study. After wednesday night, I was on chapter 5. So the next couple days I read through 1 Corinthians chapters 5-8. I got stuck on chapter 7 for a couple days because it hit me like another ton of bricks. God was speaking to me. It is amazing how much more you realize that God speaks to you when you actually LISTEN.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 "To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife."

I had read in scripture about divorce and how the wife was absolved if certain criteria of the divorce were met (such as abadonement or infidelity). I had also read in verse 15 of the same chapter that if the partner who left was an unbeliever then to just let that person leave because how can we know if we were going to save the unbeliever or not. But now that that didn't apply to my situation it was loud and clear what I was to do. I am to be reconciled to my husband. What a scary thought?!?!? My heart is happy because I know that God can do anything. I know that if God is the center of my life, and my relationship, then my marriage can be 10 times better than it was before. Does this mean that all is fine and I should pretend like nothing happened? Absolutely not. But I know I am called to forgive. And I know I am called to respect my husband. Which brings me to the third part of this novel.

First I want to say I serve an awesome God. I serve a God of great power who wants to reveal Himself to me so that I can be obedient and glorify Him. So far, the flow of the last week has gone:
Conversation with sister including complete defiance
Change of plans with great rejoicing in new salvation
Discovering that reconciliation is my calling

So after God revealed to me that I needed to reconcile my marriage, how appropriate is it that the first message I hear is from a great man of God talking about how the christian wife should act. This is not just fate or coincidence, this is my Abba Father caring about my heart and drawing me closer to Him. So I kinda chuckled to myself as I read the title of the message and was excited. Actually excited. Excited that I get to start over with my idea of how a marriage should be and this time around put God at the head where He belongs. Soooooo, here are my notes/thoughts/ideas from Jason's teaching this morning on the Christian wife.

Taking Aim at the Family: The Christian Wife
Ephesians 5:22-33

1. Submission is a voluntary act by woman.
This submission in verse 22 is a commandement for wives to submit to their husbands, not women to all men. You are only obligated to submit to your husband. This made me think about how big of a decision marriage is. This is not just a "do I love him?" decision but a conscious voluntary commitment to be submissive to this man for the rest of your life.

2. Submission to the husband is as unto Christ.
I wrote down in my notes "The fruit the parents sow, the children will bear" Jason was talking about how if he yells at his kids and his wife all the time then his credibility outside of the church will be shot. And not only that, but whatever example he gives will show in his children. The same with his wife. If Alli is constantly unhappy or whining or nagging or quarrelsome (to use the proverbial term) then that will show in her children. Maybe thats why Drew is so smart and Blaise is so happy!!! :) Love you two people and am so blessed by you! (Ok, my love shout out is done, back to the notes.)
The Bible never commands the woman to love her husband because woman just automatically love their husbands. It is how we were made. The same with the husbands too. The husband is never commanded in the Bible to respect his wife. It is because this is how God designed us to be. Woman automatically love their husbands and men automatically respect their wives. Respect comes naturally to men and love comes naturally to woman. This does not mean that all women are experts at love but it is just in our character to love and nurture. This is why wives are commanded to respect. It doesn't come naturally to woman, but is necessary for the survival of the marriage and the family unit as a whole. This is why men are cocmmanded to love their wives. Men need respect and women need love. If we obey these commandments the family will be unified.

3. Submission to her husband is because of God, not because of the excellence of her husband.
Wives are supposed to submit regardless of the level of worthiness.
If he is loving, kind, thoughtful, caring, says the right things, does the right things - SUBMIT
If he is unkind, neglectful, lazy, doesn't say or do the right things - SUBMIT
(Again, goes back to making sure you are CAREFUL in your decision making, you single people!!!)
The example that I thought spelled it right out for me was this: You never question the authority of a cop, you automatically respect his position because of the uniform, car, badge and possibly the fact that he is holding your clean driving record as hostage. This should be the same attitude wives have toward their husbands. Respect is given because it is commanded to be given...regardless if he is like Channing Tatum in The Vow (awwwwwwwwwwwww) or Scrooge.

4. Submission is based on divine order.
The trinity - God, Holy Spirit, Jesus all equal and yet all diverse.
Submission doesn't mean that the wife is less valuable, it is just the order that God designed.
The MAJOR point here is that the wife is submissive to the husband because the husband is LEADING by LISTENING to God. So we are all being subnmissive to God.

5. Submissive in EVERYTHING.
In this is included a clause to exclude anything that is blatant sin. If your husband tells/asks you to do something that is blatantly sinful, then our direction is to obey God, but in EVERYTHING else, we are to be submissive.
Everything is a hard term to understand, but everything is what we are called to do.
Submissive in... Finances, raising children, where to live, in the bedroom, EVERYTHING which means EVERYTHING.
Again for me this goes back to my previous thought, the correct order is that wives are submissive to their husbands in everything because the husband is getting their direction from God. That is not how is always works because of human error, but that is how it should work. One thing here that Jason said is that husbands should be working to be worthy to respect so that it doesn't make it hard on the wife. Just like, woman should be modest so not to make their brothers sin, husbands should work hard to be worthy of respect so that it is not hard for the wife to be submissive and respect them....espeically since respect doesn't come naturally to woman...understand my thoughts here?

So again, I just want to say that I serve an awesome God who is sustaining every moment and every situation with just the word of his breath. This past week has been an awesome declaration of God's love for me that He would draw me to Him and reveal Himself to me so that I might glorify Him. From crazy turn of events to God's Word being spoken as truth and revelation in my life, I can truly say that I am blessed.

Now, I still don't know what this looks like. I know now in what direction I am supposed to go, but the ins and outs of reconciliation seem so overwhelming for me. But I know that God is in control and He has everything in His perfect timing so that He will receive the glory. So I will pray, seek Him, read His word, wait for the next step and strive to "...be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." (Eph 5:1-2)

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

2 Ears, 1 Mouth

You have TWO ears to listen and ONE mouth to speak, so which do you think God designed to be more important?

Tonight, my Pastor spoke on listening to God in prayer. This is something that I definitely needed to hear and be reminded of so Praise the Lord for His timing! These were my notes and thoughts about the message.

Prayer is communing with God. It's not just a monologue or religious activity.
Prayer doesn't lead us to an encounter with God, it IS the encounter with God.
Our goal in prayer is to find out what the will of God is and cooperate with it. We shouldn't come to him and just speak we need to listen.

***The CONDITIONS for praying in the Spirit:
1. Salvation - You must have salvation before you can have communion with Him.
2. Scripture - When you pray and ask for answers, the Spirit will never contradict Scripture. We should be praying scripture for the people that come to our hearts and minds because it is the truth that can heal and save.

***The CYCLE of praying in the Spirit:
1. Father initiates
2. Holy Spirit informs
3. Believer intercedes

The Father invites us to pray. Our desire or burden to pray for someone or something is God initiating those thoughts so that we can pray. The Holy Spirit will use the church, friends/family, scripture, life circumstances, etc to to show us God's will for our lives. We thought pray in concordance with the scipture because it is the truth and it is the heart of God. How appropriate that we pray God's word and truth so tthat HE will intervene and answe the prayer becuase it is His will. And it is ALL ABNOUTHis glory.

The cycle is complete when He answers the prayer and He gets the glory. The Bible says that prayers nill be abswered according to His will, not ours. The hardest part of prayer is finding out what God's will is.

***The COMMUNION of praying in the Spirit:
What can we expect him to say to us when we pray? When was the last time you prayed and didn't ask for anything???

***The CONCENTRATION of praying in the Spirit:
1. Anticipate God's response.
Too often we pray and dont expect Him to answer. We need to know and believe that God hears and answers prayers.
2. Be alert for God's resonses.
3. Adjust to God's response.
Once you anticipate that God is going to answer, and you listen to what He has to say, you have to be willing to do what God is calling yiou to do....even if it wasn't what you had planned.

***The CONSTANCY of praying in the Spirit:
NOTHING is going to happen apart from prayer. We have to be consistenly seeking and listening and God will put His favor on us!


Thank you Lord for watching over me and Ryot and blessing our family!