On a normal day, the chicken and rice that I had for lunch would be delicious! As I force myself to eat the protein and nutrients, I think of better easier days when I actually enjoyed eating. But then as I think of those better easier days, I think about the REASON I am having so much trouble eating- my little peanut! Sure before it was easier, but before I didn't have this miracle. I didn't have this precious child growing inside of me and taking from me its nutrients. Before I didn't have anyone to think about but myself. Oh how grateful I am to be blessed with this perfect, wonderful little being! Even if it means that food is gross. Even if it means I'm in a little pain or discomfort. It's so worth it!!!!
I went to visit my friend Priscilla in the hospital when she had her baby. I'm used to my stepdaughter and stepson who are 6 and 4yrs old. I'm used to my niece and nephews who are 4 and 2 yrs old. I'm used to my boss' son who is 7yrs old. But it's easy to forget how little newborns are. It was amazing. I got to see Priscilla and Josh's little miracle- Erin Rachel. She was stretching, and moving her little fingers while she was sleeping. She would wince at the bright lights and respond fondly to voices. She was beautiful. Now, I am the first person to say that most newborns, boy or girl, look like little old men. They are wrinkly and squishy and look like little old men! But Erin is beautiful. She has a FULL head of hair and the cutest little button nose.
I have never been nervous around little kids. I usually am in a little "mini-heaven" surrounded by their smiles, laughter, and many other expressions. I wasn't nervous holding Erin. I only held her for a short period of time, but I wasn't nervous. I got a little nervous after I put her back in the little bed at the hospital because I was thinking- this is going to be me in 6 months. 6 months...only half of a year....and this was going to be looking at my little one. Brian and I will be looking at the features and marveling at the stretching and expressions of our child....OUR child. Thinking about it just sent a little chill up my spine. It was more of anticipation than it was being nervous, but still the feeling was there.
Priscilla is letting me borrow 2 of her baby books for Brian and I to go through. One is of course the famous What to expect when you're expecting, and the other is a baby name book with all of the meanings. We find out if it is a boy or a girl in just 2 weeks and 3 days. I think it will be easier to start focusing on names as soon as we find out the gender. Then there will only be 50,000 names to go through instead of 100,000. lol. It's just getting more and more real everyday. Ya know what I mean? I know I can't feel the kicks and movements yet, but I know that there is a miracle taking place in our lives with this little one.
So even though I can't enjoy Chicken and Wild Rice, I will forever enjoy that pitter patter heart beat that brings me to tears every time. I can't wait to meet you little precious one.
Love and Kisses,
Kayla Taylor
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
It's Christmas Time!
Well, I'm slightly annoyed at the shipping process for Christmas presents. They brag and boast on tv about out the Priority Mail Boxes save you so much time and how they are so much more cost effective. That is crappola! First off, they don't make the boxes big enough to ship presents. They are small so you have to ship WAY more than 1 box....costing about the same as if you were going to send the big box through UPS. And then its a hassle to try to print the labels online. There wasn't a size listed on the big box that I had, and all that it said online is small, medium or large. So I will have to go to the post office and wait in the oober long line. But I shouldn't complain too much because I waited until now to ship them off.
Ok, I'm done complaining about the Post Office. It's Christmas time! Only 5 more days! I'm so excited! I'm so excited to get pictures of the kiddos opening their presents. I'm so excited for my husband to open his presents and to see his face. He is like a little kid in ALMOST every way on Christmas....the only way he is definitely not a kid is that he doesn't wake up with the sunrise to open presents. I usually will wake him up. heehee! But he shakes, smells, pokes, weighs, and anything else you can do to a present to try to see what it is. He is so bad! I'm going to have to find a good hiding spot for next Christmas.
Well, this year we will be sending out Christmas cards! I am so excited. Brian and I took pictures at a Target Studio yesterday and created a cute Christmas card to send out. We won't pick them up until Christmas Eve so they will be a little late....but look at it as a surprise gift! Think about it- you have opened all your gifts, and given everyone hugs, and the plans for the new year starts rolling in then- WHAM! -you get a Christmas card from the Taylor's! It will be a pleasant surprise! :) Well, anyway below are some of the pictures that we took yesterday. Hope you like!!!
I will put pictures on here from the Christmas Party once I get them off of my camera and on to the computer!
Love and Kisses,
Kayla Jo
Ok, I'm done complaining about the Post Office. It's Christmas time! Only 5 more days! I'm so excited! I'm so excited to get pictures of the kiddos opening their presents. I'm so excited for my husband to open his presents and to see his face. He is like a little kid in ALMOST every way on Christmas....the only way he is definitely not a kid is that he doesn't wake up with the sunrise to open presents. I usually will wake him up. heehee! But he shakes, smells, pokes, weighs, and anything else you can do to a present to try to see what it is. He is so bad! I'm going to have to find a good hiding spot for next Christmas.
Well, this year we will be sending out Christmas cards! I am so excited. Brian and I took pictures at a Target Studio yesterday and created a cute Christmas card to send out. We won't pick them up until Christmas Eve so they will be a little late....but look at it as a surprise gift! Think about it- you have opened all your gifts, and given everyone hugs, and the plans for the new year starts rolling in then- WHAM! -you get a Christmas card from the Taylor's! It will be a pleasant surprise! :) Well, anyway below are some of the pictures that we took yesterday. Hope you like!!!
I will put pictures on here from the Christmas Party once I get them off of my camera and on to the computer!
Love and Kisses,
Kayla Jo
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Blessings
I love being pregnant. I love knowing that I have a beautiful being inside of me growing and being nurtured by me. The baby is only a little over an inch now. So small and so dependent on what I eat, how I sleep, all my emotions. It's crazy, amazing, and an incredible blessing! I pray every morning on my way to work. There is something about the crisp air outside and a new beginning that just draws me to talk to him. I can't thank him enough for the blessing that he has given me and my family with this little one.
Now, I have said that I love being pregnant...and I do. I do not love the side effects that I have had with this pregnancy though. I am nauseated all the time.....ALL THE TIME. My friend laughed as she told me that I was going to have a Vegan baby because I can't really eat anything with meat. I know it sounds weird, but I went to Panera bread to get a sandwich and some soup. I love me some Panera Bread when it's a little chilly outside. I ordered a cup a soup and half of a turkey sandwich. The soup, I downed in an instant as I was SO hungry! I nibbled on the sandwich trying to get some protein but I couldn't eat even eat half of it. It was ridiculous. And for just a little more venting, I am tired all the time, have terrible backaches and am constantly hungry! But ya know what? It is so worth it. Hearing the heartbeat and seeing my little peanut gives me greater joy that surpasses any hunger, nausea, or sleep deprivation. I've only been to one ultrasound to see the heartbeat and I am definitely a worry wart, so I bought a heart doppler so that I can listen to my little one whenever I want. And believe me, this will be the newest addition to my purse. It will be with me at work, at home, and everywhere in between. Right now the baby is too small for me to feel the movements and the kicks. I am not doing anything bad or living a crazy life, but I just want everything to be so perfect. And I know it will calm me down to hear the heartbeat every now and then. Plus I think it will be a good bonding time for Brian and the baby as well.
Right now I will pull a quote from Juno...yep the movie with the 16 year old who got pregnant in high school. In this movie Jennifer Gardner plays a wife who so desperately wants to be a mother that she willingly accepts Juno's proposition for adopting her baby. After Jennifer's husband in the movie expresses that he is not ready to be a dad, Jennifer states that a woman becomes a mother when she gets pregnant and a man becomes a father when he meets the baby. I believe that is true for most situations. I believe that there are some dads out there who fall in love with the little ones, but I think it's so different to feel the baby's kicks and movement. I think it's different because the woman's body changes and grows as the baby grows and takes nutrients from the mother's body. The dad gets the fun job of late night runs for weird cravings, back rubs, and a little extra work around the house. Those aren't exactly bonding situations for the dad. haha. I think the heart doppler will be a great experience for Brian and I to be able to sit on the couch and listen to our baby.
So far everyone has told me I'm having a girl. And when I say everyone, I'm including people that I don't even know. We just bought a car- a 2007 Hyundai Santa Fe- to be exact. We did so because we have a company car that the car seat won't fit in and that is so small I don't feel comfortable with the safety, and we have a two seater truck that will not fit two adults and a car seat. So we ventured out on a day of car scouting. We test drove a Toyota 4Runner that I was totally sold on, but we wanted to check out a couple different cars. We then go to the BMW dealership. This then makes me feel incredibly poor. haha As we are sitting at our representative's desk, directly behind us is a $97,000 convertible something-or-other- in other words a NICE and EXPENSIVE car. We start looking at our options and he shows us a truck. I tell him that we need a little more room than that truck can provide. In true car salesmenship fashion, he continues pushing the issue of the truck. And with the way that I am, the thought automatically popped in my head- "Didn't I just tell him that we don't want the truck? Does he think I'm stupid or does he just not want to sell us a car today?" I am a pushover on some things, but if I tell you no and you push the issue I am not a happy cookie. I told him again that I had just said that that is not what we were looking for. He told me that he was going to go get the key so we could test drive it. I then blurted out, I'm having a baby this summer so we need something bigger for a carseat and stroller and all the baby stuff to fit in. He finally stopped pushing the truck and says "well congratulations! It's going to be a girl, I can tell." This man, who I JUST met randomly knows that I'm going to have a girl? It doesn't seem to far fetched seeing as all of my friends, family, coworkers, and everyone else wants me to have a girl. So on January 8th, 2011 we will find out! I've been trying to think of a cute way to break the news but I think I will just be so excited that I will end up just blurting it out. After all, that's what I did when we found out we were pregnant. I just called everyone and told them. Not cute or fun, but I was SO excited. My dream was finally coming true!
As Christmas approaches, I think about all of the family's with their kids waking up bright and early and rushing to open presents. I think about reading stories, drinking hot chocolate and sitting with loved ones around the fire. And as I think about all of these wonderful things, it is starting to hit me that this is my last Christmas of just Brian and me. Next Christmas we will have a little 5 month old to dress up in hilarious Christmas outfits that will embarrass them down the road. haha I'm just looking forward to having my little family all together. Now only if we could have Izzy and Vini with us as well. Maybe one day we will live close enough to get to have holidays consistently with them. But until now, I am praising God for the blessings that He has poured and continues to pour out on my family. I have a wonderful, loving, handsome husband who loves me. I have two beautiful step kids who melt my heart and who truly are a blessing. I have a little one on the way that has been my dream for a long time. I have an adorable puppy that I can dress up in ridiculous outfits. And I have food on my table, a bed to sleep in, a roof over my head, and an awesome support group. I AM BLESSED.
Love and Kisses!!!!
Kayla Jo
Now, I have said that I love being pregnant...and I do. I do not love the side effects that I have had with this pregnancy though. I am nauseated all the time.....ALL THE TIME. My friend laughed as she told me that I was going to have a Vegan baby because I can't really eat anything with meat. I know it sounds weird, but I went to Panera bread to get a sandwich and some soup. I love me some Panera Bread when it's a little chilly outside. I ordered a cup a soup and half of a turkey sandwich. The soup, I downed in an instant as I was SO hungry! I nibbled on the sandwich trying to get some protein but I couldn't eat even eat half of it. It was ridiculous. And for just a little more venting, I am tired all the time, have terrible backaches and am constantly hungry! But ya know what? It is so worth it. Hearing the heartbeat and seeing my little peanut gives me greater joy that surpasses any hunger, nausea, or sleep deprivation. I've only been to one ultrasound to see the heartbeat and I am definitely a worry wart, so I bought a heart doppler so that I can listen to my little one whenever I want. And believe me, this will be the newest addition to my purse. It will be with me at work, at home, and everywhere in between. Right now the baby is too small for me to feel the movements and the kicks. I am not doing anything bad or living a crazy life, but I just want everything to be so perfect. And I know it will calm me down to hear the heartbeat every now and then. Plus I think it will be a good bonding time for Brian and the baby as well.
Right now I will pull a quote from Juno...yep the movie with the 16 year old who got pregnant in high school. In this movie Jennifer Gardner plays a wife who so desperately wants to be a mother that she willingly accepts Juno's proposition for adopting her baby. After Jennifer's husband in the movie expresses that he is not ready to be a dad, Jennifer states that a woman becomes a mother when she gets pregnant and a man becomes a father when he meets the baby. I believe that is true for most situations. I believe that there are some dads out there who fall in love with the little ones, but I think it's so different to feel the baby's kicks and movement. I think it's different because the woman's body changes and grows as the baby grows and takes nutrients from the mother's body. The dad gets the fun job of late night runs for weird cravings, back rubs, and a little extra work around the house. Those aren't exactly bonding situations for the dad. haha. I think the heart doppler will be a great experience for Brian and I to be able to sit on the couch and listen to our baby.
So far everyone has told me I'm having a girl. And when I say everyone, I'm including people that I don't even know. We just bought a car- a 2007 Hyundai Santa Fe- to be exact. We did so because we have a company car that the car seat won't fit in and that is so small I don't feel comfortable with the safety, and we have a two seater truck that will not fit two adults and a car seat. So we ventured out on a day of car scouting. We test drove a Toyota 4Runner that I was totally sold on, but we wanted to check out a couple different cars. We then go to the BMW dealership. This then makes me feel incredibly poor. haha As we are sitting at our representative's desk, directly behind us is a $97,000 convertible something-or-other- in other words a NICE and EXPENSIVE car. We start looking at our options and he shows us a truck. I tell him that we need a little more room than that truck can provide. In true car salesmenship fashion, he continues pushing the issue of the truck. And with the way that I am, the thought automatically popped in my head- "Didn't I just tell him that we don't want the truck? Does he think I'm stupid or does he just not want to sell us a car today?" I am a pushover on some things, but if I tell you no and you push the issue I am not a happy cookie. I told him again that I had just said that that is not what we were looking for. He told me that he was going to go get the key so we could test drive it. I then blurted out, I'm having a baby this summer so we need something bigger for a carseat and stroller and all the baby stuff to fit in. He finally stopped pushing the truck and says "well congratulations! It's going to be a girl, I can tell." This man, who I JUST met randomly knows that I'm going to have a girl? It doesn't seem to far fetched seeing as all of my friends, family, coworkers, and everyone else wants me to have a girl. So on January 8th, 2011 we will find out! I've been trying to think of a cute way to break the news but I think I will just be so excited that I will end up just blurting it out. After all, that's what I did when we found out we were pregnant. I just called everyone and told them. Not cute or fun, but I was SO excited. My dream was finally coming true!
As Christmas approaches, I think about all of the family's with their kids waking up bright and early and rushing to open presents. I think about reading stories, drinking hot chocolate and sitting with loved ones around the fire. And as I think about all of these wonderful things, it is starting to hit me that this is my last Christmas of just Brian and me. Next Christmas we will have a little 5 month old to dress up in hilarious Christmas outfits that will embarrass them down the road. haha I'm just looking forward to having my little family all together. Now only if we could have Izzy and Vini with us as well. Maybe one day we will live close enough to get to have holidays consistently with them. But until now, I am praising God for the blessings that He has poured and continues to pour out on my family. I have a wonderful, loving, handsome husband who loves me. I have two beautiful step kids who melt my heart and who truly are a blessing. I have a little one on the way that has been my dream for a long time. I have an adorable puppy that I can dress up in ridiculous outfits. And I have food on my table, a bed to sleep in, a roof over my head, and an awesome support group. I AM BLESSED.
Love and Kisses!!!!
Kayla Jo
Monday, November 22, 2010
Big News!
I know its been forever since I have last written. I am a terrible person, and you can stone me later if you'd like. But I have a feeling that after I tell you my news, you won't want to.
I'M PREGNANT! Yep, you heard that right...I have a little bun in the oven! We are so excited about it! We found out on Friday and had our first ultrasound on Saturday. It's all pretty brand new! As soon as we get the insurance thing sorted out, we will be going to see a doctor and get set up. The doctor will be able to give us a more accurate due date and tell us how big the baby is exactly. Right now though, the prediction is that I am 8-10 weeks, and the baby will be due June 18, 2011. We shall see though!
As of right now, I want a healthy baby. I have no preference of boy or girl. I guess in the back of my mind I would like a boy, but I will be thrilled if I have a girl as well. Brian and just about everyone else in the world would like for me ot have a little girl.....so again, we will see! We should know the sex of the baby in January.
I will keep you updated as soon as I know any information!
Below are the pics of our healthy little peanut!
I'M PREGNANT! Yep, you heard that right...I have a little bun in the oven! We are so excited about it! We found out on Friday and had our first ultrasound on Saturday. It's all pretty brand new! As soon as we get the insurance thing sorted out, we will be going to see a doctor and get set up. The doctor will be able to give us a more accurate due date and tell us how big the baby is exactly. Right now though, the prediction is that I am 8-10 weeks, and the baby will be due June 18, 2011. We shall see though!
As of right now, I want a healthy baby. I have no preference of boy or girl. I guess in the back of my mind I would like a boy, but I will be thrilled if I have a girl as well. Brian and just about everyone else in the world would like for me ot have a little girl.....so again, we will see! We should know the sex of the baby in January.
I will keep you updated as soon as I know any information!
Below are the pics of our healthy little peanut!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Good Morning!
Today certainly is a great morning! I went to sleep last night with a terrible Migraine. Washcloth over the face and everything. I get them every now and then, but I'm noticing that I get them more often when I'm stressed. I've been trying to stay calm and not let things effect me, but thats not really how I work. A lot of things effect me. Some say because I'm a gemini. Some say because I love easily. Some say because I have a big heart. Some say because I'm a pushover. Whatever it is, I find it can sometimes be a burden instead of a joy. It's hard to love so much and get hurt. It's hard to for me to be friendless. Right now, I am not completely friendless. I have a friend here that I hang out with semi-regularly. But it's not anywhere near the everyday friends I had in Lawton or Niceville. I miss having a group o f friend to hang out with and make good memories with. I can't blame anyone but myself because we are the ones that moved out here to Las Vegas, but it still doesn't change the fact that I am pretty lonely. So since I don't want to just sit here and complain, I have tried to come up with a few solutions.
--I have some friends at work, so maybe I can become friends with their friends since they have been here longer than me.
--I could get into public sports. I do miss playing softball. It's kinda scary for me because I've always already known someone there. So do I just walk up to someone and ask to be on their team? It's a little awkward. Plus, Nevada isn't exactly known for being nice. In Niceville, anyone could have walked up to our team and asked how to get on the team and we would have helped them find where they needed to go. You want to ask for your check eating at a restaurant, and the waitor is rude. So....I will have to be super ninja about this one.....maybe try to find out more answers on the internet???
--Volunteer. I have looked into volunteering at the hospital. Everything was looking great but you have to do a 4 hour shift 7 days a week. The time committment isn't the deal breaker for me....the deal breaker is that I'm STILL at work at 4pm. And I'm not at a financial place right now where I can lose an hour of work everyday. So that idea is scratched. Also, I looked into the Boys and Girls Club. I am going to have to call them because I'm not sure what their schedules are and I couldn't really find it on their website. I also need to look into Helping Hands, Occupational Therapy or Meals on Wheels. I will let you know what I find out.
--Second job?? I've thought about this one. I could really use the money and I think it wouldn't hurt with making friends. I am not a night person, so I don't want to be working until midnight every night. But I'm already working 8-5 M-F so that doesn't exactly leave me very much time to do anything. But I am still looking into this one...
--Everyone can move to VEGAS! Ok, well that is just a wish....
--Church. I have been going to this church called Oasis Baptist Church. I haven't really made any friends there yet. I mean, I've always gotten along with people older than myself. Always always always. It's easier to have more meaningful conversations than with a lot of the people my age. But it's nice to have someone your own age to talk to every now and then. I need to find out more about the groups that they have.
I think that is a wide array of options. Now just to do something about them. But since I have shared them with other people outloud, hopefully that will be more motivation. lol.
On a good note, I have been working out lately. I am not to the point where I like it yet, but it feels good to move stretch and get my heart rate up a little. I got this dance video that reminds me of good past times with Vanessa Van Patten and the Bikini Body Workout we used to do in high school. (hahahaha love you girl!) It's some time of dancing work out video. I am not a dancer. I am an athlete. A bulky muscled athlete. lol. I am not tall and slim with lean dancer muscles. I was a fastpitch catcher and defense on the soccer team. I am meant to be a brick wall not a pretty, tall, lean, dancer...so this whole dance workout thing is a joke. I don't know how they move so fast. It makes me feel like a tub of fat lard haha. I mean, I'm not like doubled over or breathing too hard or anything, but I just dont know how they move their legs so fast. I'm sure people like my cousin Allie could do it, but I am just not cut out for it. So I do that work out early in the morning so only me and my dog have the chance to laugh at me. lol. It's a good work out though...so MAYBE I will be able to kick that fast in a couple months.
Also, I got a Billy's bootcamp something or other workout. I got this one because of my cousin Lindsey. We, as in pretty much the whole family, used to do this Taebo workout. It was equally as funny to watch but it really kicked your butt! I haven't done that one, but I will be starting it shortly. I'm already eating better, so hopefully by getting a workout routine down I will be able to lose a little weight. Then maybe that will contribute to other medical problems I'm having.
Oh, Oh, Oh!!! Speaking of medical issues and doctors and all of that stuff, I have good news!!!! I finally got everything squared away and all the problems fixed so that I can get my new social security card. I dont even want to go into details with this one because it is a long and stressful story. But I should be getting it in the mail this week. What does that have to do with medical problems? Well, I will tell you! After I get my new social security card, I can get my new Nevada driver's license. After I get my Nevada driver's license, I can get health insurance. After I get health insurance I can go to the doctor and see what is wrong with me!!!! :) And that makes me very happy. This whole battle that we have been having had really taken a toll on me. I see families, and I want that so bad. I see my niece and nephews and I want that so bad. I know that it is work and that kids take up all your time, energy, money, etc. But they are such a blessing. They are so pure and innocent and perfect. My heart overflows with love for them. They truly have a spot in my heart that I can't explain. I just love every kid. I can see a beautiful child across the room in a restaurant and I am just smitten. They are so perfect. I don't mind them taking over every inch of my being. I feel like part of my purpose in this world belongs to them....somehow. Whether I become a teacher or a counselor or whatever....my heart is with the children. Well, to be unsuccessful in starting our own family has been completely heart-breaking for me. Not many people that I talk to understand me. They say, "you're so young, you have time" "you need to enjoy your time with just you and your husband". I understand all of that. Is there a certain age limit before a person should have kids? I'm 21. Most 21 year olds are in school and partying or whatever. That has never concerned me. I've never been a party girl. I have been to some parties. I have made some careless choices. But I made them once and I was done. The thought of staying up late and drinking only to feel terrible the next day does not entice me. The thought of reading bed time stories and snuggling up next to a perfect little being that I have helped create is the most amazing thing in the world to me. And I am not guaranteed tomorrow. What would I be waiting for? I have time for what? I have time to wait around a couple more years until it is more socially acceptable for me to have children...well that just sounds silly. This is everything I have every wanted. And for the other excuse, dont worry, I do have fun with my husband. I love spending time with him. But to me, having children isn't a burden that just takes up all of your time, but a blessing from God. It is my heart's true desire. I've never wanted anything more. And so, I don't know that many people who read this will understand, but it's heart breaking. Every false hope, every negative test, is completely heart breaking. They say that it will fall in your lap when you don't want it. How do I stop wanting it, and why would I want to stop wanting it? So, I am doing my best to make lifestyle changes that will be better for me. Working out, eating better, etc. Maybe that will help. The doctors say that I am completely healthy....which is bittersweet to me. I am glad that I am healthy, but that is just one more unanswered question. So, I'm hoping that by increasing my social activities, eating right, and working out, I can make some changes for the better. Also, it will help my mind be a little more occupied than thinking about it so much. So that is my goal and I'm pursuing it with everything I've got.
Well, now that I have emotionally vomitted on all my readers....if there are any readers....I must bid my farewell.
I am going to eat some breakfast and take my puppy to the park. It's too beautiful of a creation outside to sit inside all day. Thank you for listening...
Love and Kisses!!
Kayla Jo
--I have some friends at work, so maybe I can become friends with their friends since they have been here longer than me.
--I could get into public sports. I do miss playing softball. It's kinda scary for me because I've always already known someone there. So do I just walk up to someone and ask to be on their team? It's a little awkward. Plus, Nevada isn't exactly known for being nice. In Niceville, anyone could have walked up to our team and asked how to get on the team and we would have helped them find where they needed to go. You want to ask for your check eating at a restaurant, and the waitor is rude. So....I will have to be super ninja about this one.....maybe try to find out more answers on the internet???
--Volunteer. I have looked into volunteering at the hospital. Everything was looking great but you have to do a 4 hour shift 7 days a week. The time committment isn't the deal breaker for me....the deal breaker is that I'm STILL at work at 4pm. And I'm not at a financial place right now where I can lose an hour of work everyday. So that idea is scratched. Also, I looked into the Boys and Girls Club. I am going to have to call them because I'm not sure what their schedules are and I couldn't really find it on their website. I also need to look into Helping Hands, Occupational Therapy or Meals on Wheels. I will let you know what I find out.
--Second job?? I've thought about this one. I could really use the money and I think it wouldn't hurt with making friends. I am not a night person, so I don't want to be working until midnight every night. But I'm already working 8-5 M-F so that doesn't exactly leave me very much time to do anything. But I am still looking into this one...
--Everyone can move to VEGAS! Ok, well that is just a wish....
--Church. I have been going to this church called Oasis Baptist Church. I haven't really made any friends there yet. I mean, I've always gotten along with people older than myself. Always always always. It's easier to have more meaningful conversations than with a lot of the people my age. But it's nice to have someone your own age to talk to every now and then. I need to find out more about the groups that they have.
I think that is a wide array of options. Now just to do something about them. But since I have shared them with other people outloud, hopefully that will be more motivation. lol.
On a good note, I have been working out lately. I am not to the point where I like it yet, but it feels good to move stretch and get my heart rate up a little. I got this dance video that reminds me of good past times with Vanessa Van Patten and the Bikini Body Workout we used to do in high school. (hahahaha love you girl!) It's some time of dancing work out video. I am not a dancer. I am an athlete. A bulky muscled athlete. lol. I am not tall and slim with lean dancer muscles. I was a fastpitch catcher and defense on the soccer team. I am meant to be a brick wall not a pretty, tall, lean, dancer...so this whole dance workout thing is a joke. I don't know how they move so fast. It makes me feel like a tub of fat lard haha. I mean, I'm not like doubled over or breathing too hard or anything, but I just dont know how they move their legs so fast. I'm sure people like my cousin Allie could do it, but I am just not cut out for it. So I do that work out early in the morning so only me and my dog have the chance to laugh at me. lol. It's a good work out though...so MAYBE I will be able to kick that fast in a couple months.
Also, I got a Billy's bootcamp something or other workout. I got this one because of my cousin Lindsey. We, as in pretty much the whole family, used to do this Taebo workout. It was equally as funny to watch but it really kicked your butt! I haven't done that one, but I will be starting it shortly. I'm already eating better, so hopefully by getting a workout routine down I will be able to lose a little weight. Then maybe that will contribute to other medical problems I'm having.
Oh, Oh, Oh!!! Speaking of medical issues and doctors and all of that stuff, I have good news!!!! I finally got everything squared away and all the problems fixed so that I can get my new social security card. I dont even want to go into details with this one because it is a long and stressful story. But I should be getting it in the mail this week. What does that have to do with medical problems? Well, I will tell you! After I get my new social security card, I can get my new Nevada driver's license. After I get my Nevada driver's license, I can get health insurance. After I get health insurance I can go to the doctor and see what is wrong with me!!!! :) And that makes me very happy. This whole battle that we have been having had really taken a toll on me. I see families, and I want that so bad. I see my niece and nephews and I want that so bad. I know that it is work and that kids take up all your time, energy, money, etc. But they are such a blessing. They are so pure and innocent and perfect. My heart overflows with love for them. They truly have a spot in my heart that I can't explain. I just love every kid. I can see a beautiful child across the room in a restaurant and I am just smitten. They are so perfect. I don't mind them taking over every inch of my being. I feel like part of my purpose in this world belongs to them....somehow. Whether I become a teacher or a counselor or whatever....my heart is with the children. Well, to be unsuccessful in starting our own family has been completely heart-breaking for me. Not many people that I talk to understand me. They say, "you're so young, you have time" "you need to enjoy your time with just you and your husband". I understand all of that. Is there a certain age limit before a person should have kids? I'm 21. Most 21 year olds are in school and partying or whatever. That has never concerned me. I've never been a party girl. I have been to some parties. I have made some careless choices. But I made them once and I was done. The thought of staying up late and drinking only to feel terrible the next day does not entice me. The thought of reading bed time stories and snuggling up next to a perfect little being that I have helped create is the most amazing thing in the world to me. And I am not guaranteed tomorrow. What would I be waiting for? I have time for what? I have time to wait around a couple more years until it is more socially acceptable for me to have children...well that just sounds silly. This is everything I have every wanted. And for the other excuse, dont worry, I do have fun with my husband. I love spending time with him. But to me, having children isn't a burden that just takes up all of your time, but a blessing from God. It is my heart's true desire. I've never wanted anything more. And so, I don't know that many people who read this will understand, but it's heart breaking. Every false hope, every negative test, is completely heart breaking. They say that it will fall in your lap when you don't want it. How do I stop wanting it, and why would I want to stop wanting it? So, I am doing my best to make lifestyle changes that will be better for me. Working out, eating better, etc. Maybe that will help. The doctors say that I am completely healthy....which is bittersweet to me. I am glad that I am healthy, but that is just one more unanswered question. So, I'm hoping that by increasing my social activities, eating right, and working out, I can make some changes for the better. Also, it will help my mind be a little more occupied than thinking about it so much. So that is my goal and I'm pursuing it with everything I've got.
Well, now that I have emotionally vomitted on all my readers....if there are any readers....I must bid my farewell.
I am going to eat some breakfast and take my puppy to the park. It's too beautiful of a creation outside to sit inside all day. Thank you for listening...
Love and Kisses!!
Kayla Jo
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Oh what a beautiful morning!
Cleaning cleaning cleaning! I have the A/C completely off and all the windows open. It is a beautiful day!
Little Feet
This post is dedicated to kiddos. I know, I know. I have talked about children a lot so far. I have a huge spot in my heart specially reserved for those perfect little beings. Brian has two beautiful babies, Izzabell Rose and Vincint Paul. They are so beautiful and so much fun to be around. Izzy just turned 6 and is in school. She is independent and instantly everyone's BEST friend. She always has her "pretties" (99 cent glittery Wal-Mart lip gloss) with her at every moment. Vini is more mischevious. haha He loves cars-all kinds of cars.And he is so OCD about it. He will line up all of his cars in the PERFECT row. If you move one car or even just turn it around in the other direction, he will notice and turn it right back around. haha They are so adorable and really light up our lives. It's hard to be away from them, but it makes time spent with them that much more meaningful. Here are a couple pictures of Izzy and Vini....
Today must have been twin day because before lunch, we went to the dog park and there was a dad with his 7 or 8 yr old twin boys with their italian greyhound. Then at lunch, Brian and I sat across from a family of with twin boys who looks to be around 3 yrs old. They were beautiful. They were so full of life and love and just reminded me of my niece and twin nephews. My niece is so beautiful. She loves to read and tell stories. I remember her grabbing one of my sisters empty journals, and telling me a story about Princess Dora. She is so full of immagination and wonder...she truly is beautiful. Then there's the boys. They are do different from each other. Gabe is the truck man. He loves anything that has to do with trucks, cars, etc. My sister puts gel in his hair spiking it up. haha it is sooooo cute. He's spunky and crazy and funny. And there's chunky money Sean. He is as my sister puts it, "her little charmer". He just smiles and it melts your heart. He will sit and read or look at anything Mickey Mouse. They are both so handsome. Here are some pictures of my niece and nephews.....
Today must have been twin day because before lunch, we went to the dog park and there was a dad with his 7 or 8 yr old twin boys with their italian greyhound. Then at lunch, Brian and I sat across from a family of with twin boys who looks to be around 3 yrs old. They were beautiful. They were so full of life and love and just reminded me of my niece and twin nephews. My niece is so beautiful. She loves to read and tell stories. I remember her grabbing one of my sisters empty journals, and telling me a story about Princess Dora. She is so full of immagination and wonder...she truly is beautiful. Then there's the boys. They are do different from each other. Gabe is the truck man. He loves anything that has to do with trucks, cars, etc. My sister puts gel in his hair spiking it up. haha it is sooooo cute. He's spunky and crazy and funny. And there's chunky money Sean. He is as my sister puts it, "her little charmer". He just smiles and it melts your heart. He will sit and read or look at anything Mickey Mouse. They are both so handsome. Here are some pictures of my niece and nephews.....
This is Caedi, Sean and Gabe in the "man chair" at my big sister's house, and Caedi-bug writing and looking beautiful as ever!
Sean is on the left in the sandbox and Gabe is on the right-or course with a truck in his hand!!
And of course there is one of my BEST friends- NIKKI! I had a previous blog post about her belly and baby shower. Well I would like to welcome to the world my new little Monster---- Axel Troy Nikolas!!!
Nikki is so beautiful and she did such an awesome job with the birth and labor and everything. I am truly proud to call her my friend. Monster Axel is so lucky to have her as his mom. He is so tiny and beautiful and I can't wait to hold him in my arms and love on him!!!
I can't wait until I have my own. I know that I am young. I know that Brian and I haven't been married for very long. I have time, I need to live my life, blah blah blah blah. I know all of that. But what am I waiting for? My dream is a family. I am meant to have a family. It is what I hope for and dream about. It is what I yearn for and my heart truly desires. BUT, until that dream comes true for me I will love and dote on all of the little ones I do have in my life.
Love and kisses...
Kayla Jo
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Rebecca Lynn
My mom was funny. She loved to laugh. I remember we would dance to Garth Brooks and eat cool whip like icecream. I remember sunday afternoon naps. I remember McDonalds every other friday. I remember her playing Lite Brite with me over and over and over. We would create animals and weird shapes. As long as she was playing with me I didn't care what we did.
I have mostly good memories of my mom. I know others have different experiences, but mine were mostly good. Today, however does not present the greatest memory. Today, 13 years ago, my mom did the most selfish act a human can make. Today is the day I found her. Today is the day she wouldn't wake up. It was the first day of a very long struggle. And it's a daily struggle for me. I don't know that my mom is in a better place. I don't know a lot of things. Normally I just gotta suck it up and keep trucking, but I think I'm allowed to have a day. Well, please be patient...today is my day.
I have mostly good memories of my mom. I know others have different experiences, but mine were mostly good. Today, however does not present the greatest memory. Today, 13 years ago, my mom did the most selfish act a human can make. Today is the day I found her. Today is the day she wouldn't wake up. It was the first day of a very long struggle. And it's a daily struggle for me. I don't know that my mom is in a better place. I don't know a lot of things. Normally I just gotta suck it up and keep trucking, but I think I'm allowed to have a day. Well, please be patient...today is my day.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Everything's bigger in Texas?
Well at least, Nikki's belly is bigger. No, I'm not being mean....she's pregnant! The majority of my friends and some family must have sent out a memo that I didn't get because there has been a BIG baby BOOM. I just had the wonderful privelage to go to one of my best friend's baby showers this weekend. i flew in Friday afternoon and I left Sunday evening. I got to help her pick out a stroller, create a game for the baby shower, spend much needed quality time and take her pregnancy pictures! That was so much fun! I missed my honey so much, but I really enjoyed spending time with my friend and her family. It didn't hurt that I made some new friends along the way. It's always nice to make new friends.
Here are a couple of the pictures that I took of Nikki and Monster No Name No Name. I will be able to tell you his actual name when his dearest mother makes up her mind! :)
Enjoy!
Here are a couple of the pictures that I took of Nikki and Monster No Name No Name. I will be able to tell you his actual name when his dearest mother makes up her mind! :)
Enjoy!
She is so beautiful and I can't wait to see her again!!! Miss and love you Nikki, Monster No Name No Name, Family, and Puppies! I wish many blessings and much love for all of you!
Love and kisses,
K
Monday, August 9, 2010
Babies Babies Babies!
I love baby showers! and Babies, and Pregnancy, and everything Baby related. Children are gifts. They are pure and simple. Yes, they can be crazy and obnoxious. Yes, they take up all of your time, money, freedom, blah blah blah. They are MIRACLES. They make you love them without even doing a thing. I have two cousins, and a bunch of my friends that are pregnant right now. I see them grow and post pictures and I follow them almost stalkerish. I don't mean to be creepy, but its so addicting. The miracle of a perfect little being growing inside of you. The love that you can have for someone who isn't even your child. Like the love I have for my niece and nephews, and my friend Ashley's son Geibriel, and my soon to be nephew from my friend Nikki. I look at what they have and I know it's hard. I see the struggles that Ashley and my sister go through when the kids are cooperating. I see the struggle Nikki has been going through with being sick and complications. It's scary and hard and emotional.....but perfect. I can't wait to have that same experience. To feel the kicks and hear the heartbeats. To celebrate birthdays and Christmases. To take pictures of silly faces and funny predicaments to send to my friends and family. To love that little one so unconditionally it feels like my heart will break in two from too much love. I long for that. So since I haven't been blessed to experience that yet, I celebrate it through all of my friends and family.
This weekend I am going to a baby shower for my frind Nikki. She is so bubbly and beautiful, even though she has been through quite a couple big storms lately. I can't wait to feel little man move in her. I can't wait to take pictures for her so that she can remember even moment. I can't wait to give her the scrapbook I have been working on for her so that she can record all the funny stories and pictures. I can't wait to give one of my best friends a HUGE hug when she picks me up from the airport. I can't wait to spend time with her laughing and cherishing these precious times. She is such a wonderful blessing to have in my life and I am SO excited I get to be a part of her baby shower.
So needless to say, I'm a little excited. I'm excited about seeing my dear friend. I'm excited about meeting her family who have been so kind to me. I'm excited to help make this day special. I'm excited to talk to little man and tell him that I can't wait to hold him and shower him with kisses. I'm excited about life.
Yep, you read that right. I am excited about LIFE.
This weekend I am going to a baby shower for my frind Nikki. She is so bubbly and beautiful, even though she has been through quite a couple big storms lately. I can't wait to feel little man move in her. I can't wait to take pictures for her so that she can remember even moment. I can't wait to give her the scrapbook I have been working on for her so that she can record all the funny stories and pictures. I can't wait to give one of my best friends a HUGE hug when she picks me up from the airport. I can't wait to spend time with her laughing and cherishing these precious times. She is such a wonderful blessing to have in my life and I am SO excited I get to be a part of her baby shower.
So needless to say, I'm a little excited. I'm excited about seeing my dear friend. I'm excited about meeting her family who have been so kind to me. I'm excited to help make this day special. I'm excited to talk to little man and tell him that I can't wait to hold him and shower him with kisses. I'm excited about life.
Yep, you read that right. I am excited about LIFE.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Brand new!
Why hello there!
I haven't had a blog in years! Well, really ever since LiveJournal. I thought it would be a great way to keep in touch with family and friends...I have always been a writer anyway.
Currently, Brian is in Colorado celebrating Izzabell's 6th birthday! He flew in for her actual bday which was on Thursday. They went to the park, got to play with their cousins Joey and Taryn, went to the zoo, got new school supplies, and had a birthday party today. They have been busy little bugs! From the pictures that Brian has sent me, I can tell that they are having fun! I will have to put some pics up when Brian gets back with the camera....which is tomorrow. I am so glad for him to come home. I know it will be bittersweet for Brian-having to leave the kids with their mom and coming home-but it will be very nice to have him back. It's hard to sleep without him. I'm not complaining though. I know there are plently of wives out there, like my cousin Jennifer, who don't have their husbands with them for extended periods of time. I am lucky to wake up next to him every morning. I just miss him. I'm allowed to feel like that. :)
I went to the International Market today with my friend Nidia. It smelled really bad of fish and was very cramped, but it was sooo much fun! We walked down EVERY SINGLE aisle!
There was cheese and corn flavored icecream....
And then when regular popcorn just doesn't do the trick there's.....SUPER POPCORN!!!!!
All in all it was an amazing experience. I will definitely be shopping there more often. Especially since I got the other two things that I have been looking EVERYWHERE for! It reminds me of my aunt and uncle's house. :)
Well, I think it is a little past my bed time. Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!
Love and kisses,
Kayla Jo
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