Coffee Lovins

One of my first jobs was as a barista/cook at Emerald Coast Coffee...when it was still there. I'm actually surprised I even got the job. During my interview my soon to be boss told me that the employees were allowed 1 free drink per shift because the coffee was for the customers. Before I could close my trap I told her, "I don't even like coffee". My heart dropped at that moment. How could I expect her to give me a job to sell delicious, wonderfully smelling coffee to thirsty customers if I had nothing good to say about it? I spent the next 20 minutes of the interview convincing her that I was a good saleswoman and that she wouldn't be sorry for hiring me. Somehow I got the job and started right away. At first I just drank non-coffee frappes.....basically a milk shake. Then I slowly started adding coffee flavored powder in....Then I added a shot because the early mornings were getting to me....then I added two shots....then three....by then I LOVED the smell of coffee and could sell it to a coffee bean itself. (I'm sure I could if one had ever walked into the shop) BUT I was not an official coffee lover yet. Really, the frappes don't get you hyped up from the espresso...its all the SUGAR. I didn't really know the love and addiction of coffee until I started working at Seattle Drip with my bestie, Vanessa. The coffee just smelled so good and was so warm. When you are sticking half of you body outside of a drive thru window while someone looks for exact change of 68 cents you think twice about making yourself a cold frappe. You hold on to Mrs. Too Much Markeup's non-fat sugar free vanilla latter a little longer to warm your hands before the cold slaps you in the face when the window opens. Seattle Drip is where the real love of coffee began....I do enjoy Starbucks here in Vegas, but every now and then I have to close my eyes and pretend that it is a Mt. Rainier perfectly made with love from my best friend.

Rest in Peace my dearest

No matter how many times you experience loss, it still hurts just as bad as the very first time. This morning December 2, 2011, we lost an amazing friend and really someone I considered part of my family, Carl Bos. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't breathe and wanted to throw up all at the same time. But all in all, I know that everything happens for a reason. I don't know what God's reason is, but I don't have to. I have to have faith that He won't give me anything more than I can handle so I will press on and lean on his strength as I am running very thin on my own.

To Carl - "my honey bunny"
I know that you are in a better place. I know that you aren't in any more pain. But I will miss your humor, our terms of endearment, the little thoughtful gifts and most of all our morning talks. You always started my day out at work with a smile. Rest in peace my good friend. We love you and miss you already, honey.

Mr. Crankypants

It is a morning ritual that I go outside with Brian in the morning when he smokes. (I don't approve of his smoking FYI) I do, however, enjoy spending this couple of minutes with him in the morning. It is a wonderful way to get the day going if I may say so myself. This morning was quite different than the others. As we are outside talking about our days and about Brian's last poker adventure, this old man (who I am calling Mr Crankypants) walked up the sidewalk. When people walk by I usually say hello and they say it back and keep walking...but he stopped. Then he randomly started talking about some people that lived in an apartment by us and how they left the place a mess. He said there were always roaches and the place was trashed. Then he started talking about how the maintenance people at the apartments never fix anything. He was bragging about how he called the office to cuss them out. Then his conversation moved on to talking about kids. (I say HIS conversation because he didn't stop talking long enough for Brian and I to respond lol) His take on kids was quite shocking to me. He said that they are messy and demanding and destructive. (which I believe are all true for kids at some point) He talked about how there was a family who had 6 fat "rugrats" who lived near him who were terrible. Supposedly they were so fat that they climbed up a tree and broke the branches. Normally I am so annoyed by people like this. I am generally a positive person. I see the glass half full 99% of the time, and I enjoy life being like that. But I wasn't annoyed at Mr. Crankypants. I was laughing so hard. I guess it's just the way he was saying things. It was like he was that old cranky man in the movies who is sitting on his front lawn yelling at the "rugrats" to GET OFF MY LAWN! lol But the next thing he said really disturbed me. In his rant about hating kids, he said that he has 2 daughters that he hasn't seen or spoken to in 30 years. He said that he doesn't even care to see them and he wouldn't take them back even if they were homeless. He said he wouldn't even pay a dime for them. And it just broke my heart. I can't imagine ever thinking that about Ryot. I mean, I don't have a relationship with my dad, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't talk about me like that. I mean, golly Mr. Crankypants! I'm sure with feelings this strong you knew you didn't want to have kids, so why have 2?!?! It just doesn't make sense. He talked about how he loves his cats and almost teared up telling us about how he had to put 2 of them down because they had cancer. I just don't understand how anyone can love their cats more than their own kids? It just made me feel sorry for him. It made me wonder about his story. I believe that every person is born likeable and it is the growing up that does the tainting of that personality. People react differently to every curve that life throws at him. Every person has the choice to which path they take. Everyone has a story...even Mr. Crankypants.

Losing my marbles

I don't have very many memories with my dad but the other day as I was looking for my keys for the 17th time that day I was reminded of a very good one. I used to visit my dad for a week at a time. Sometimes in the summer, sometimes for winter. One morning I woke up early...as usual...and he was up already. He asked me if I wanted to go with him to get breakfast from McDonalds. Adoring anything I got to do with my Dad, I said yes. I remember the whole way there we were laughing and listening to country music, having so much fun. We got to McDonalds, ordered food, paid for the food, and drove away. On the way back we were laughing again, listening to music and talking about anything and everything until it hit me. I interrupted him, "Wait Dad, Where's our food?!" He instantly did a very illegal u-turn, and we headed back to McDonalds to get the food we had ordered and paid for. I remember that was the hardest I had laughed in a long time. We waited through the drive-thru again and when we got back to the window, they had it waiting for us. Yep, definitely a good memory.

Lately I feel the same feeling. When I'm leaving the house I don 't even have the "I'm forgetting something" thought. I leave, drive away, and don't even realize that I have forgotten my wallet or the baby wipes, or whatever else until I am halfway or all the way to my destination. When I was pregnant, I could blame pregnancy brain. And now that I had her, I can say she took some of my brain cells? I don't know. Either way I feel like I'm losing my marbles!!!

just rambling on...

Lately I have been going to the gym when Brian gets home from work. I have been able to sweat some stress out and get some mommy alone time. I love my little girl, but it is nice to have some time to gather my wits. I haven't lost any more weight, but I am positive that things will improve. I have a wedding to prepare for! Not my own, but my friends. I'm a bridesmaid so I have a beautiful dress to fit in. The dress that she picked out is AMAZING so I want my body to be better so I look just as amazing as the dress. : )

I am a list maker. I make lists of everything. I make lists of the lists that I need to make. OCD much? yes, sometimes. I just like the feeling of crossing something off my list. It motivates me to get things done faster. I have already started my list for this weekend. So far, it includes items such as cleaning, organizing,cleaning out my car, re-doing my budget, going to the pool, working out, and print out pictures to scrapbook. If I could convince my husband to go to the park with me I would. BUT it has been over 100 everyday and my poor Colorado man can't stand the heat. Maybe I will take Emma to the park myself. 

I am so excited to go to Colorado in September. When I see them, it will have been 11 months since the last time. That is way too long. Brian, of course, got to take trips to see them, but I was pregnant so I couldn't travel. I wish that I could say I had a great relationship with their mom and everything is easy...but that is definitely not the case. It is more along the lines of....she hates me...and the baby. But such is life for me. It's not easy, but I wouldn't have it ant other way. Izzy and Vini are amazing. They are smart and strong and beautiful. Their laughter is contagious and my life wouldn't be as wonderful without them. I can't wait for Ryot to meet her big sister and brother. I can't wait for them to have a relationship. I can't wait until Ryot gets a little bit older so she understands when we talk about them...but all in due time.

Well, I will conclude my ramblings for today.....

Later gator...

Kayla Jo

no decisions?

I'm trying a new church tomorrow. I like the church I've been going to. I have no complaints about the people or the place itself. Everyone is really nice and laid back. I feel like everyone that I have met that goes there has a genuine love for God and their fellow believers. Why the change then? There isn't a decision time. I know this sounds small...but I think it's really big. I mean, when you walk in the music is blaring. So loud that I wont sit in the main room because if it hurts my ears I KNOW that it isn't good for Ryot. The songs are current and there are huge screens to see the words. Then there is a time for the offering usually while there is a video about some topic pertaining to current events at the church or what the topic of the sermon is. Then there is the sermon. I haven't heard the senior pastor speak yet because he is out of town but all of the guest speakers have been great. I feel like they are knowledgeable and that they have a passion about what they are talking about. My only issue with the church is that there is no decision time. There is no time for those who want to join the church or make a profession of their faith. There is no time to challenge the people. The sermon ends, and everyone gets up and leaves. Maybe I'm old fashioned. Maybe I'm just used to the Rocky Bayou way of doing things...but i think that time is so important. What if there is a person who wants to talk more about salvation? the sermon ends and that person goes home instead of being urged to pray and talk to someone more. Now, I know that if God has called someone, that they don't have to be in church, but I think that that is part of the reason for the church. It is a gathering of people - a fellowship of like minded people who should be there to support each other and encourage each other in the word. Maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about. Maybe I'm honing on in this because I haven't found that church family yet. But there is a part of me that is really bothered by this. I just think that there are so many missed opportunities by cutting that portion of the service out. I don't think that a church needs to badger people into coming forward...but giving them the opportunity, encouragement, and support to ask questions is an important part!

I don't think this would weigh so heavy on my mind if it wasn't important. So tomorrow, Warm Springs Baptist Church here I come!

Weight Loss Challenge

I'm pretty sure that in a previous blog I mentioned Brian's weight loss challenge to me. Just for kicks, let's re-cap:

I was preggo and the belly was really poking out. I was WAY past the point of even thinking about buying any clothes because nothing fit over the belly anymore. I was looking at the window displays with the pictures of all of the skinny models and honestly I got a little depressed. I mean, I was a little overweight before I got pregnant but no where near the whale version that I got to in the pregnancy. I told Brian that I couldn't wait until I could go shopping again and actually have clothes that fit me. I couldn't wait to feel pretty again. Just to clarify before people freak out- I felt pretty as far as being a mommy-to-be with a beautiful miracle growing in me, but as a wife for my husband and woman I did not feel pretty most days. So my loving husband issued a challenge to me. Oh how I love challenges...especially those involving me winning money!!! He said that after I heal a bit and am ready to start working out, we will take my initial weight. Then every week we will re-weigh me. If I don't lose anything, I don't get any money. If I gain, I lose money. And for EVERY pound I lose he will give me $20. I almost choked when he said it! So let's see....10 pounds = $200, 20 pounds = $400, 30 pounds = $600...yep! SIX HUNDRED DELICIOUS DOLLARS. I mean for real, if I lose 0 pounds I'm going to need $600 to buy a whole new wardrobe anyway right?? So, yes, he has lost his mind, but it is to my advantage so it doesn't bother me much. : )

So it was my goal to lose 30 pounds. Well....here is a picture of me the morning that I went to be induced

Well since having her, and then 4 weeks later having gall bladder surgery that majorly effected my diet, here I am 42 pounds later. Yes, I said 42 pounds lost!!

I would have made $840 but we hadn't started the challenge yet. So now I have a new goal of another 30 pounds and we are starting today! So I will have to keep you updated on how much money I'm winning....

With that being said....my lovely family and I are going for a walk!

Later Gators!

Kayla Jo

Gallbladder Diet

I know I already blogged today...but I have to get this out.

Lately, everything I eat has been hurting my stomach. I went to the doctor for my gallbladder surgery follow up and he said that I had a stomach ulcer. He prescribed me meds and the pain got a little better, but not much. He also said that I am probably not eating the right foods either. He couldn't give me a list of foods not to eat but he could tell me that I was eating wrong...I thought that was weird. Anyways, I did a little research about the diet that I'm supposed to have/not have and to be honest I'm quite devastated.

Here is a list of the things it says I should avoid:
(The first couple items in bold are the ones I'm going to have the MOST trouble with. I mean Seriously? How can I live without chocolate? For those of you who really know me I have stated numerous times that chocolate is God's gift to mankind)

Chocolate
Oranges
Grapefruits
Spicy Foods
Chicken
Red Meats
Coffee
Ice Cream
Pork
Onions
Dairy
Eggs
Turkey
Gluten
Corn
Nuts
Trans Fats
Margarine
Saturated Fats
Fried Foods
Tap Water
Carbonated Water
Black Tea
Cabbage
Cauliflower
Oats
Artificial Sugar
Alcohol (Beer, Wine, Liquer)


My friend Nancy, who is a nurse by the way, said that she has seen patients that have over time been able to eat whatever they want. Maybe this is what will happen to me. Maybe I can start incorporating, little by little, the yummy things like chocolate and oranges back into my diet. Maybe I won't be able to eat them every again. All I know is that I am going to start following this list for the next couple weeks because I am willing to try ANYTHING to get my stomach to stop hurting like this. Plus....no greasy foods or fried foods? I think I can deal with that. And it will help with my weight loss goals. : )


So now I am going to part with my blog to go look up some recipes for my new crazy diet!

Heart to Head Disconnect

Sometimes I have a heart to head disconnect.....for example.

My heart says my house is a wreck.
My head says that I am learning a schedule balancing working, being a good wife, cleaning, laundry, taking care of the puppy, and taking care of my new little angel, Ryot.

My heart says that I'm a bad mom when I can't get Ryot to go to sleep in her crib.
My head says that both of us are learning new things. I'm learning how to be a mom and she is learning what life is like outside of the womb. And that it's going to be a process throughout my whole life of learning new things.

My heart says I'm stupid for admitting my worries and stresses out loud or on facebook. That I'm weak for voicing my frustrations.
My head says that I am brave for asking for advice and expressing those feelings. That it is unhealthy to keep all those feelings bent up inside and that if people want to judge me for how I'm feeling then they really don't need to be in my life in the first place.

My heart says that I'm self conscious and embarrassed about my body and my weight.
My head says that I just had a baby AND gall bladder surgery and that I have to take care of myself and the baby and heal before I even worry about those things.

I KNOW in my head all of the right and rational things but I have this disconnect somewhere in my heart. I have this piece of me that says "You're a bad wife. Look at that basket of laundry that hasn't been put away." "You're a terrible mom. You can't get your own daughter to sleep in her crib." "Your so weak and messed up. You are the only one who is having any of these frustrations or problems." "You are fat and ugly. None of your clothes fit you and they never will." But then I have this other piece that tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And that is the piece I have to listen to....or I will go INSANE!

So as I sit here my laundry is not done, Ryot is wide awake, I just let out some of my worries and frustrations, and I'm eating chocolate chip cookies...BUT I have a smile on my face and I am the happiest woman alive. And that is what matters.

Enough already!

As you all already know, 4 weeks ago today I had a C section to bring my beautiful baby girl into the world. She is growing up so fast I can't believe it! I could rant and rave about how adorable and amazing she is, but this blog is dedicated to a little bit of venting and self expression on my part instead. Selfish? maybe...but I would rather let it out then let it build up and explode at random. So here goes it....

I'm just tired. I'm tired of pain. The c section incision is healing up nicely and my stomach muscles were returning to normal until Thursday night. At 11pm, I was woken up by some of the most intense pain I have ever felt. It literally took me to the floor and had me rolling and rocking back in forth. I am an emotional person. I cry in sad movies. I cry when I'm really happy. I cry when I think about how incredibly blessed and in love I am. I have always been an emotional person. But I also have a pretty high pain tolerance. I don't usually cry with pain. When I was having my contractions, I internalized the pain and breathed through it. Not this time. I was in so much pain I was just sobbing. It was terrible! So Brian loaded the baby and me up and we went off to Urgent Care. They ran some blood tests and gave me morphine for the pain. The pain was finally under control and I could relax a little. The doctor said that because of the location and severity of the pain, it was probably my gall bladder. He wanted me to go home and come back in the morning when the ultrasound techs were there. I went home at 3:30am with a prescription of Zofran for nausea and Hydrocodone with Tylenol for the pain. I was wide awake from the meds and so I told Brian to lie down to get some sleep while I fed the baby. After I fed her, she was WIDE awake and the pain started to come back. I took the hydrocodone and waited for it to kick in. I waited and waited and waited and nothing happened. Ryot was getting fussy because I couldn't hold her. She was fighting sleep and was gassy so she was upset, but I couldn't hold her. It hurt my stomach too bad to put any pressure on it. So I took her in to Brian and had to wake him up suddenly so that I could go to the restroom to throw up from the pain. It was terrible. Brian woke up and got ready so that we could go to the Urgent Care again. We got back to the Urgent Care around 700am and the ultrasound tech wasn't there yet. I was in so much pain at this point that I couldn't think straight. I was just lying on the table bawling. I don't know how to describe the pain any other way then it feels like someone is constantly stabbing you in the ribs and stomach over and over. It's like a constricting pain that takes your breath away. It's constant and it's unbearable. Finally the morphine kicked in and I was at peace again. I think Brian took a video of me. I know that he took a bunch of pictures and he says that I was really out of it. lol. All I know is that the pain was gone finally! They took me to get the ultrasound and sure enough there were tons of little gall bladder stones lining the bottom of my gall bladder. When I met with the doctor again, he said that he was able to set me up with a General Surgeon and we could have the surgery at 12:30 that day. We were so relieved that this was going to be taken care of so easily. And then we were smacked in the face with big fat rejection! See here is the problem. When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately got insurance through my work so that I could go see the OBGYN.  I immediately went to see him about the baby and like I said before just had the c section 4 weeks ago. I haven't seen a primary care physician and haven't even picked one out! Well, when my insurance was established, they just picked a random primary care physician to have on file for me (that I have never talked to or even heard of) just to have one on file. So the General Surgeon that was going to do my gall bladder surgery said that he couldn't do the surgery without a referral from my primary care physician. Since it was the holiday weekend, I wouldn't be able to see the primary care physician until Tuesday at the earliest. Then the primary care physician would run all the blood tests (that I have already done twice at this point) just to get me a referral to the general surgeon. Then the general surgeon would have a consultation with me, THEN we would schedule the surgery. I mean, we are talking I would have to wait in pain for like 2 weeks. The pain wasn't controlled with hydrocodone, so what was I supposed to do? Go to Urgent care every 4 hours to get a shot of morphine? I couldn't live in that pain, and I couldn't live constantly drugged for 2 weeks. I have to work and I have a beautiful baby to take care of. Needless to say, I was pretty stressed out at this point. So we were at a loss and getting pretty frustrated at the Urgent Care Dr. Finally he told me that I should just go to the emergency room and tell they would do the emergency surgery there. Instead of 1 day in the hospital it would mean 4 days in the hospital with a way longer recovery but I couldn't go another day in that massive amount of pain. So we headed to the emergency room at around 2pm.

At this point my father in law came and got the baby so that she wasn't in the emergency room with all the sick people. Before we headed over to the ER, the Urgent Care Dr gave me a half shot of morphine so that I wouldn't be in pain in the waiting room of the ER. When we arrived, we filled out all the paperwork and talked to the doctor. The first doctor we talked to was a real jerk. He was saying that they had to do the blood tests over again (even though I had done them twice) and that if they came back normal with no infection, they wouldn't do the surgery. I asked him what that meant for me and he just said pain management. I told him that the pain wasn't managed with hydrocodone and that my blood tests that I had just done at midnight and at 9am had come back normal and healthy. So basically he wasn't going to do the surgery. I called the Urgent Care place and asked them to please fax over all information that they had to the ER so that they could see that I was already recommended to get my gall bladder out. By the time they faxed everything over, there was another doctor that I got to talk to. I explained the whole situation to him and he was a lot nicer. I just explained that I already had an appointment set up to have the surgery but the only problem was with the insurance and primary care doctor situation. He was a lot more understanding and called the surgeon on staff that day. He said that he would speak with the surgeon and that he couldn't make any promises because it would ultimately be the surgeon's call but that he would give him all the info. Finally after waiting for a couple hours, they said that the surgeon wanted to talk to me. We talked for a little bit and he asked me about my pain. I told him I had morphine in my system and it didn't hurt as long as no one touched it. He laid me back on the table and found out very quickly by my scream that that was true when he pressed down below my ribs. He said that he was comfortable with doing the surgery and that they had a room open already and everything. So I got ready and was in the OR surgery room at 5/6ish. I don't really remember the time. They did the surgery and I was in my recovery room at 730pm. I remember Brian walking in and I was so relieved. I stayed the night and was discharged the following day around lunch time. I came home and immediately went to sleep. So I am at the point now where I can be up for a little bit but then I have to lie down and take a good size nap. So as if the c section didn't take away my stomach muscles, now I really don't have any. lol

The hardest thing about all of this was not being able to take care of Ryot. She is still so helpless and depends on Brian and I for everything. It was so hard for me not to be able to hold her and take care of her. Even now, I have to be really careful because if she moves in the wrong direction and hits one of the incision sites, then I am in a crap load of pain. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband who has worked wonders in taking care of me and Ryot. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful man in our lives! So now, it's just hydrocodone, zofran, saltine crackers, and a lot of sleep.

I just can't wait until I am finally back to my old self. I want to be able to eat normal food again. I want to be able to clean my house without being in pain or having to take a nap after 10 minutes. I want to be able to fully take care of my daughter without being in pain. I want to be able to sleep on my stomach again. Or just to sleep lying completely flat even would be nice! But for this time in my life, God has chosen to make me completely helpless to have to depend on Him and other peoples help...which I'm not very good at doing. So any and all prayers for rest, recovery, and patience would be greatly appreciated!!!

Love and kisses from a ranting mom and wife...

Kayla Jo

Wait on the Lord

Today did not start out as planned. I wanted to get up and eat breakfast. I wanted to take a shower. I wanted to relax a little before the chaos of the day started. But the chaos had different plans. Ryot is on such a weird schedule right now that, well, it can't even really be called a schedule. It's random feedings with growth spirts and tummy issues. I'm still learning her different cries...like the difference between "I'm hungry" and "I just want comfort". So it is 11:30am and I still have not showered and I still have not eaten. So I guess it will be right to lunch then huh?

As I sat down at the computer early early this morning to try to get some work done, I thought about my Granny and the tradition that she instilled in me of reading the Psalms and Proverbs every morning. So I took a small break this morning before I started working to read His word. Since today is the 27th, I read Psalms 27. As I was reading, Psalms 27: 7-8 stuck out to me.

"7Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud;
   be gracious to me and answer me!
8You have said, "Seek my face."My heart says to you,
   "Your face, LORD, do I seek."

I realized after reading these two verses that I was not seeking the Lord today. I did not wake up and think about doing everything to the glory of the God that created me. I woke up and thought about all the things I wanted to do today. I let myself get overwhelmed with things that, on the big scale of things, don't matter at all. Like laundry, dishes, cooking dinner, working, feeding Ryot...etc. Yes, feeding and changing Ryot's diaper is important...dont call child services on me or anything....I'm just saying that in even the little things like feeding Ryot I need to be seeking the Lord. Seeking Him to calm my new mommy worries about every little noise that she makes. I need to trust that she is a gift from God and that He has His hands in protection over her.

The next verse stuck out to me for a whole different reason, but oddly enough the same type of worries. Yesterday I got to visit with wonderful family. It was so good to see Darrell and Sandy again. I miss them soooo much. We went to eat, and just got to visit with them for a couple hours. It really was a blessing. We talked about how things are now and how they used to be. We talked about fun happy subjects and we talked about tougher subjects that tug at my heart. One of those subjects being my Mom and Dad. Stuff that happened in the past and how my relationship is with my Dad today. After Brian and I left from hanging out with them, I still had my Mom and Dad on my mind. Last night I dreamt about them. This morning, I am still thinking about them. And the thinking often times turns into pain and anger, but God reminded me this morning of his faithfulness in with Psalms 27:9-14 that says

"9Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger,
   O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
    O God of my salvation!
¹⁰For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
   but the LORD will take me in. ¹¹ Teach me your way, O LORD,
   and lead me on a level path
   because of my enemies.
¹² Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
   for false witnesses have risen against me,
   and they breathe out violence.
 ¹³I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD
   in the land of the living!
¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;
    be strong, and let your heart take courage;
   wait for the LORD!

Even when I feel so disconnected, I need to wait for the Lord.
When I feel sad or mad or hurt or angry or betrayed or abandoned or confused, I need to wait for the Lord.

I get this bittersweet emotion sometimes when I'm holding Ryot. Usually it's when she is drifting off to sleep making all sorts of sweet noises and facial expressions. I look at her and get this mix of pure joy for having such a blessing and a sadness to think that my mom gave it all away. I get so confused because I try to imagine my life without Ryot in it and I am devastated. I have no regrets about how my life has turned out. I am married to a wonderful man that I love with all my heart. We have Izzy, Vini and Ryot who light up our lives everyday. We are blessed beyond measure. There are just days like today when I need a little reminder that God is in control and that he will not forsake me. So today, I will be strong and let my heart take courage. I will wait for the Lord because He will take me in.

Happy Birthday!

I write this post today to celebrate two birthdays. My mom's birthday was today and the birth of my perfect little girl a week ago. My mom was only in my life for a short 8 years. I have both good an bad memories, but I wouldn't change a thing about the past. I have no regrets because I wouldn't be who I am today if things were differenet. I have a wonderful husband who makes me smile and feel loved everday, and now a BEAUTIFUL little angel who is the light of my life. I have only had the pleasure of knowing her for 11 days, and I am already head over heels in love with her. So without further ado, I would like to introduce my little button......

Ryot Brody Taylor

5 lbs 11 oz
17 1/2 inches long
Born at 7:50pm on June 6th, 2011

Here's the story.....I will try to keep it short.

Thursday, June 2nd I went in for a normal doctor's appointment. My blood pressure was way too high and so I was put on bed rest for the weekend. My next appointment was Monday June 6th. My blood pressure was still way too high. My doctor checked me and I was already 3 cm dialated and 50% effaced. Since I had preeclampsia and my blood pressure wasn't going down he decided to induce my labor. I headed to the hospital and started the pitocin at 930am. I don't remember what time it started kicking in but the contractions started getting a lot stronger and I progressed really really fast. I went from 4cm to 6 cm in 1 hour and by then the contractions were so bad that I got the epidural. After I got the epidural, they turned my pitocin up and I went from 6cm to 8cm in 1 more hour. Then things got a little crazy. I went from 8cm to 9cm in 20 minutes and then from 9 cm to completely dialated to 10 cm in another 20 minutes. I had 6 contractions back to back and my oxygen level was dropping. They gave me the oxygen mask and everyone was running around the room all nervous and freaking out because everything was happening so fast. I felt so terrible! I couldn't breathe and was in a lot of pain. At this point they decided to have me push. Everytime I pushed, her heart rate kept dropping and was not raising back up. So after 2 hours of steady pushing, my doctor ordered the emergency csection. At this point, everything gets a lot hazy. They rushed me to the surgery room and I only remember a few things. I remember that the room was really cold. I remember that I was shaking so bad that my arms wouldn't stay on the ledges of the table. I remember being really nervous about Ryot and just praying that everything was ok. Brian got to come sit by me and he held my hand and talked to me a little bit. I remember tugging and pulling and a lot of pressure. Then I heard her beautiful cry! This girl has some lungs! Brian got up and got to go see her and they took the picture above. Then after they cleaned her off, they brought her over to me so that I could give her kisses. After I kissed her forehead, she frowned and stuck her tongue out at me. haha She was so tiny and so cute. I went to the recovery/triage room for about 1 1/2 hrs. They asked me if I wanted to hold her to feed her but I was shaking so bad and could barely keep my eyes open so Brian fed her. Then I was in the hospital recovering until the following Thursday.

Recovery at home has been interesting. I'm not very good at just sitting still and not moving but spending time with my little girl has been so amazing. She is so good! She is laid back and calm and perfect. I just want to hold her and kiss her all the time! I couldn't ask for a better baby girl. She looks exactly like Brian and I wouldn't change her a bit!

Love my sweet baby girl!

Almost together....

Brian went to visit the kiddos this past weekend. He left on Friday, picked the kids up from their last day of school, and came home on Tuesday. He was supposed to come home on Monday night but his flights were delayed, so Tuesday he was finally home! It was my birthday so it was a WONDERFUL birthday present!

Every time I talked to Brian on the phone it was the usual- "How are you? Tell the kids I say hi. Take LOTS of pictures!" haha So now I have some pictures to share with you!

So this is my almost complete family. Brian- my handsome husband. He is so charming and so funny. Instantly lovable. Izzy- My beautiful, strong-willed, talented step daughter. She is gonna be a great leader one day. And Vini- My mischievous, handsome, smart step son. He is probably gonna be a millionaire one day. lol I just can't wait until we are all together again. The next planned trip is September. The baby will be 3 months old, and we can have everyone together. I am planning on getting pictures of all the kids and of our whole family.

Being apart is challenging. Being a step mom is challenging. But it is also rewarding and I wouldn't have it any other way. All I can do is try to live my life in a manner that gives a good example to the kids, and that provides a happy home to all that enter.

I can't wait to meet my sweet baby girl. I can't wait to see the kiddos again. I can't wait for my family to be together again.

no plans

Woke up extra early this morning so that I could help Brian pack and get him to the airport. He is visiting the kiddos this weekend. He was gone all day today, will be gone all day Saturday, Sunday, AND Monday. I will pick him up around 10pm on Monday night. So this weekend I have plans to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! : ) Actually I plan to buy a few things that I still need for the baby, clean a little and relax a lot. I had a couple Braxton Hicks contractions this week so I am just going to rest, relax and put my feet up. Hopefully go to the pool and get a little sun?? We shall see...

As soon as Brian picked the kids up he said they asked for me. : ) You have no idea how happy that makes me. I miss them so much and really wish that I was there to take pictures and share in the fun. Their laughter is so contagious. While talking to Brian on the phone I heard their screams and laughter as they played with their cousins and it made my heart ache. I can't wait to see them. I can't wait to hold them and give them hugs and kisses. I can't wait to get a complete family picture. Hopefully we will be taking another trip to visit the kiddos in September. This way, we can see them and they can meet their little sister in person! I can't wait. I wish we lived in Colorado so that we could be closer to them all the time. Hopefully this will be a possibility in the future. HOPEFULLY!

Well, I have had a REALLY long day and am going to go home and relax. : ) peace out!

It just clicked...

Ever had that feeling you get when something that you have heard over and over just....clicks? You know, like just smacks you in the face to make you say, "Holy crap, I get it now." Well, today I posted on my facebook the following status:

I can't continue to do the same things and expect different results.

Yesterday, it just clicked for me. I can't even tell you how many times I have heard this phrase, or even told myself this phrase without it ever really clicking for me. I have been going over goals and ideas and things I want to do but I haven't been DOING anything about them. Dr. Phil actually said - and yes, I'm really quoting Dr. Phil haha - "Winners do what losers don't have the commitment or energy to do". Example 1- I look around my house that still has a little unpacking that needs to be done and I tell myself that I'm going to work on it. BUT I don't get up and unpack anything. THEN the next day I am disappointed that it still looks the same. Example 2- I want to strengthen my relationship with God and create a good support system. I was going to a church, but after a few weeks of trying to connect and get to know the people there, it wasn't the place that I needed to be. So instead of trying to go to another church, I just haven't gone. And yet I am disappointed that I don't have a strong group of friends or a "home" church. I strongly desire to have that fellowship and to be surrounded by people who will encourage me. I strongly desire to be involved and help serve God in any way I can. I strongly desire to start my little girl from the very beginning going to church and being introduced to God not only at home, but from the body of Christ as well. BUT I haven't DONE anything about it. So it just clicked....I am a loser. haha I don't REALLY think I'm a loser, but according to Dr. Phil's quote, I am currently a a loser. Well, I WAS a loser. I refuse to be a loser anymore. I will get my house ready. I will visit a new church. I will do all the things that I have wanted. With God's strength, I will not be overcome by stress, lack of energy or any doubts that may crowd my mind.

It just clicked....If I want different results, I have to DO something about it.

Keeping up with the Jones'

 ^{Proverbs 31:10-31}

¹⁰ An excellent wife who can find?
   She is far more precious than jewels.
¹¹The heart of her husband trusts in her,
   and he will have no lack of gain.
¹²She does him good, and not harm,
   all the days of her life.
¹³She seeks wool and flax,
   and works with willing hands.
¹⁴She is like the ships of the merchant;
   she brings her food from afar.
¹⁵She rises while it is yet night
   and provides food for her household
   and portions for her maidens.
¹⁶She considers a field and buys it;
   with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷She dresses herself with strength
   and makes her arms strong.
¹⁸She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
   Her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹She puts her hands to the distaff,
   and her hands hold the spindle.
²⁰She opens her hand to the poor
   and reaches out her hands to the needy.
²¹She is not afraid of snow for her household,
   for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
²²She makes bed coverings for herself;
   her clothing is fine linen and purple.
²³Her husband is known in the gates
   when he sits among the elders of the land.
²⁴She makes linen garments and sells them;
   she delivers sashes to the merchant.
²⁵Strength and dignity are her clothing,
   and she laughs at the time to come.
²⁶She opens her mouth with wisdom,
   and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
²⁷She looks well to the ways of her household
   and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸Her children rise up and call her blessed;
   her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹"Many women have done excellently,
   but you surpass them all."
³⁰Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹Give her of the fruit of her hands,
   and let her works praise her in the gates.


I have been reading a lot lately. A lot of maternity books, a lot of online articles about babies, marriage, health, fitness, decorating, etc. I love to read. I love to learn new things. But this morning, I didn't learn anything new, but was refreshingly reminded of why I do the things I do as a wife and soon to be mother. It's easy to get caught up in the aches and pains of pregnancy. It's easy to dread housework and responsibility. Lately it has been a struggle for me to find the joy in my responsibility. Ask anyone- I love being married. I love my husband. I love our little growing family. But lately I am finding myself quite overwhelmed. I read this passage in Proverbs and the first thing I think of is superwoman. She excels at all of these things and doesn't complain and it all seems so easy. When I examine my life, it's not easy. If I'm being honest, when I come home from my full day of work and take my dog outside and cook dinner, I REALLY don't want to stay in the kitchen and do dishes. Part of me feels guilty...like I'm not good enough. Like I'm a bad wife. Pair that with pregnancy hormones, and I'm not exactly the woman that her husband praises and her children rise up and call her blessed. I'm more like one of the trolls that sits under the bridge. Now, I still get up and do my dishes...don't worry, my home is not like an episode of Hoarders. There is no intervention needed as far as that goes, but I guess when I read this passage this morning, it was an intervention in and of itself. It was an intervention of reassurance from my heavenly father. I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be. I'm going to disappoint. I'm going to be tired. I'm going to fail. But my God created me in his image and is not worried about whether I do my dishes or not. He wants my attention. He wants my relationship. He wants my desires to be pleasing him and not trying to keep up with the Better Homes and Gardens Magazine. So today, May 3rd, 2011 that is exactly what I am going to try to do. It is not about me. It is not about having a perfect home. It is not about reading all the books or knowing all the answers. Life is about living to love and serving a wonderful Creator who wants a relationship with me. Love God - Love People. That simple.

sicker than a dog...

Actually....other than being accident prone, my dog has been perfectly healthy. She missed the first step when we were going up the stairs into the house and face planted in the concrete. I could tell she was in a lot of pain because she just stood there and looked at me. I had to wait a couple minutes for her to slowly make her way up the stairs. Poor thing, I felt so bad! But other than a couple of those instances, she has been fine. I on the other hand have been down and OUT.

For the past couple of weeks my ears were hurting a little, my throat was a little scratchy, and my nose was running. Because there is so much pollen everywhere, I thought I was just having allergies. Tuesday morning at 3am I woke up and my left eye was completely swollen shut. I thought that something was in my eye and it was aggravated. I was freaking out! I flushed it out and tried to figure out what was wrong with me. I was awake when Brian's alarm went off at 7am, and super exhausted! I got ready for work like normal and started my day. At 9am, I still could barely see out of my eye and was spending more time in the bathroom trying to figure out what was in my eye than actually working. I looked online for a small urgent care clinic and immediately I thought about the Take Care Clinics at Walgreens. I thought that it would be affordable and easy to go to, so off I went. I spent 15 minutes filling out information on the computer screen while the workers are walking around me. When I'm almost done with filling out the information, one of the ladies asks me if I am the patient. Now, I had no one around me or with me.....it was just me, so I said yes. She then tells me that they don't treat pregnant women- information, mind you, that I did not see on their website. Instantly frustrated that I had wasted time filling out this information, I asked her where else I could go. She gave me directions to Legacy Urgent Care. It wasn't too far away so I headed that way. By the time I get there, it's 10. I fill out their paperwork and wait.......and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. They finally call my name and I head in hopefully. Their system is ridiculous! They called my name and I talked to a nurse about why I was there and was sent back to the waiting room. Then they called my name again, took my weight and blood pressure and was sent back out to the waiting room. Then they called my name again, and had me wait for forever in the exam room. The doctor finally came in and asked me questions about what was going on. He looked in my nose and throat and said I had a sinus infection. He looked in one ear and then the next and told me that I had double ear infections. Then he said that I had infectious pink eye that I got from the sinus infection not being treated. I just laughed. He looked at me with this weird shocked face and said that normally people don't laugh when he gives those kind of diagnosis. I then responded with asking him if he has ever had a pregnant woman come in and have a sinus infection, double ear infections, and infectious pink eye. I told him that it was kind of ridiculous! We both chuckled a little over how dramatic it was. He then went over the prescriptions and I was on my way. After dropping off my prescriptions through the drive-thru, I went to the gas station because I had to use the restroom. "No Public Restrooms" the sign reads. I sigh, get back in my car and head over to Subway. I figured I hadn't eaten yet, and I needed to use the restroom. "No Public Restrooms" Again?? So I finally asked the girl where there WAS a restroom because I had to go! She told me CVS- where I had dropped my Rx's off. A little frustrated with the irony, I headed back to CVS to use their restroom. I FINALLY got home at 2pm and got to take my medicine and relax. Ridiculous day!

During my resting, I got a call from my office. My friend/coworker, Nidia asked me if I was going to be ok for the training I was doing tomorrow. - wait, what?! what training? I had NO idea that I was supposed to be conducting training. My boss was swearing to the girls in the office that he had sent me an email on it...but I just knew that I wouldn't have forgotten something like this. Either way, I had to do some sort of training for 10 of the managers. When I woke up on Wednesday morning, I was barely functioning. But I had to suck it up for this training session that I was supposedly told about, an OBGYN appt at 2:20, and a staff meeting at 4- I was too busy to be sick. So not breathing very well- because my nose was stuffy and throat was sore, hearing very well- because of the ear infections hurting my ears, or seeing very well- because my eye was swollen half shut and completely red, I headed off to work. The first thing I looked for at work was that email....that, by the way, DID NOT EXIST. I never received any email about this training that I was supposed to do today. So I call my boss and he says his his famous phrase, "Oh it will be easy". But he didn't actually tell me WHAT I would be doing....so we get the laptop set up in the conference room and I grab my pen and paper. As the managers start showing up, they are avoiding me like the plague- which I understand! I was a sniffling, coughing, cyclops inches away from croaking! I sat at the end of the table and made it through the presentation and training for the two programs that my boss was highlighting to the managers. After the meeting, I went back to my office and tried to get some more work done. My boss told me to go to my doctors appt and then go home and rest. I left with Brian to my check up with my socially awkward Dr, and then went home and SLEPT.

Everything went smoothly until I went to sleep Wednesday night. I had been taking my medicine and my eye hadn't gotten any better yet, but it hadn't gotten any worse so I was hopeful. To put Wednesday night in terms that won't gross anyone out, I was so sick that I might as well have taken my pillow and blanket in the bathroom to sleep. I was pretty much up all night- dying, or so I thought. That's sure what it felt like. But I am writing to you today, so obviously I made it through! I was still awake and in the bathroom when I heard Brian's alarm go off at 7am. (Just for the record- It is so much more annoying to hear an alarm go off when you have been up all night sick than when you have slept for at least a couple hours.) I crawled back in bed and told Brian that I was definitely NOT going to work today. I called in to work and explained the situation. I got to sleep and rest for the majority of the day, which was really nice. Today, however, I had to go to come to work. I couldn't just sit at home anymore. I couldn't watch any more tv or movies. I'm just not hardwired to be that way. I have to accomplish something. I mean, yes, technically I was accomplishing healing my body and feeling better, but I have to have some more stimulus than the tv. So I am at work this 'wonderful' friday just so that I don't have to lay on the couch at home. Today will be an easy day though. I'm going to do things that I need to do and take it easy-----Wow....hate to interrupt your reading, but how ironic is this?! I am here typing about how I'm going to take it easy and my boss walks in to my office and says "I have a project for you". haha I at least was hopefull that today would be easy.

Well, I did forget to knock on wood.....

I am so blessed!

When I was in high school, I couldn't think of anything else but escaping that little town. Getting on my own and living my life with no rules. Now, as I'm planning to visit Oklahoma for my brother's wedding and planning to go to Florida for Christmas, I am so excited. I am so ecstatic about seeing all my friends and family. I'm thinking about all the pictures I want to take and all the conversations I want to have. I'm trying to cram so much in one little trip because I haven't seen these wonderful people in SO long!

I have to admit that I got a little teary-eyed thinking about my family and friends yesterday. I was just thinking about how blessed I am:
-to have this perfect miracle growing inside of me. It's all my dreams come true.
-to have my cute little puppy Emma Lou to keep me occupied so I don't emotionally overload my friends or husband.
-to have my beautiful niece and nephews and to get to hear their voices tell me that they love me on the phone. They are growing up so fast and I feel like I'm missing it all!
-to have my family in Florida who have been sending me all this PINK stuff for the princess. She definitely won't have a shortage of girly things for a while! : )
-to be incredibly blessed to have such an amazing sister who is always there for me when I need her the most. She always has good advice and the truth to give me when I need it. She has always taken care of me and I am truly in debt to her for always being there. I hope I can be as good of a mom as her.
-to have my weekly conversations with my Granny. She is the most beautiful soul I know. Just hearing her voice helps me get through the day! I can't wait to see her.
-to be married to a wonderful man with a beautiful and kind mother in law.

I am truly blessed. 

Brian and I were reminiscing about his proposal last night. Just thinking about the look on his face and how nervous he was. Sharing our story with our friend Gil was almost like reliving it all over again. I could taste the dessert. I could see the sunset on the bay. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach as he got down on one knee. And I can't help but smile and almost tear up every time I think about it. We have had some hard times, of course, but they are so outnumbered by all of the amazing memories and just the day in and day out of our lives. I love him more than he knows, and now we both love our little peanut more than she will ever know. I can't wait to see him love on her and be the great dad that I have seen him be with Izzy and Vini.

We have some rough times ahead, but I know we will make it through.

I am blessed.

cleaning overload!

Tonight at approximately 8pm, we will be picking up our friend Gil from the airport. He is moving to wonderful Las Vegas and will be staying with us for a little bit until he gets his own place. It feels so nice to be able to help someone out when Brian and I have received help from so many people. So thank you to all of you wonderful people who have been able to help Brian and I out at some point! We really appreciate it!

In order to prepare for Gil's transition, we have had to do a lot of rearranging. Previously, our spare bedroom was used as kind of a junk room. I had all the baby's stuff in there, boxes of old pictures, books, my sport bag from high school, picture frames, all my journals, etc. It was a never ending pit of the random stuff that doesn't really have a place to go. So I went through and organized all of it. I threw away all the trash and consolidated boxes. I was having to constantly get up and down off of the floor which is getting increasingly harder to do. I was moving heavy boxes, and on top of my normal weekend "clean the house top to bottom to do list". Then when Brian woke up, we cleaned out the truck. It had a crazy amount of trash. Not gross trash, but wrappers and napkins and all of that stuff that accumulates from regular driving AND driving it from Oklahoma to Nevada. We had a blanket, clothes, Brian's bowling ball, the game Monopoly, an old journal, my old purse, like $11 dollars worth of change, and RANDOM other things. It was like going through a mini episode of hoarders..except it wasn't gross. Oh, and this was both days. We cleaned out the truck on Sunday, but Saturday it was more house cleaning and organizing and loads of laundry. So needless to say I was super busy this weekend. I am exhausted but I feel so accomplished! : )

So after the house was literally scrubbed top to bottom and completely reorganized and the truck cleaned out, I celebrated by going out and buying fresh candles. It was my little treat for myself. : ) So now my house is completely organized and "white-glove" clean for our new guest. It felt good to get rid of all that clutter. I guess it's normal spring cleaning, but I didn't realize how much harder it would be being preggo. Gotta remind myself to take it easy!

No Bueno

I haven't been feeling very good lately. I would 75% of it is just pregnancy blah and 25% is allergies since it has been really windy lately. I wake up in the morning and I can't breathe because my nose is stuffy. By mid day I'm free and clear and not feeling stuffy, and my throat doesn't scratch anymore, and I'm not coughing. But I'm just exhausted! And I don't have a lot to do at work. It's not like I am taking care of toddlers, or working in retail, or doing my old photography studio job where I was constantly up and down. I sit in my office and stare at a computer. I occasionally am on the phone. I occasionally have to get up to grab something from my box or put papers in other peoples boxes. It's not physically taxing. But it IS physically taxing. I am tired all the time. By the end of the day, I'm worthless. haha. I can't think, my feet are swollen, and I just feel miserable. I will then go home and cook dinner and crash. I have been going to bed at 8pm every night. I usually sleep until 630....which by the way is NOT when Brian's alarm goes off....it's just my internal clock I guess. Oh, and that is not an uninterrupted sleep either. I get up at least 3 times in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. When I wake up I feel like I just fell asleep. So by friday, I am a zombie. I trudge into work with no energy and I feel miserable. My stomach hurts, my whole body aches. I mean, I know I have low blood sugar so I get queezy if I dont eat enough, but this is ridiculous. So yesterday I did all that I NEEDED to do at work and I went home early. I instantly changed into pj's and fell asleep on the couch. I slept off and on while watching random tv shows. I can't really explain it. I just feel miserably exhausted and my stomach just hurts or just feels blahgrossyuckewww all the time. Hopefully this is just a phase and I will be feeling better soon??? I don't know...I hope for my sake and for Brian's sake. I'm sure he is ready for me to be my normal self again too....

Food Log

I have really low blood sugar. I always have. That's why I get cranky when I haven't eaten in a while....and why if I don't eat very soon after I get cranky, I get massive headaches and am terribly nauseated. And I love food! So it works out well. : ) The first 3 months of my pregnancy, I was nauseated all the time. I couldn't really eat very much. My diet consisted of rice and black beans, and smoothies. I lost 23 pounds. Now, that I am able to eat better, I have gained some of that weight back so I have only lost 16 pounds. I want to do whatever it takes to make sure that I am giving the baby all the nutrients that she needs. I started noticing, however, that every 2-3 hours I am getting really light headed. I figured out that it is because I need to eat....even if I may not necessarily be hungry. Because of this, I have stocked up on granola bars, and fresh fruit and veggies so that I can have snacks throughout the day. I have not been doing very good at eating throughout the day, so I decided to force myself to write it down so that I could help keep myself accountable. Also it will help me track how much water I have been drinking. My water bottle is 32 oz, so I just have to drink 4 of those in the day and I will be good! So far my "food log" looks like this:

7:00am Eat Peanut Butter waffles, drink glass of OJ, and take prenatal vitamin
8:00am Start on water bottle 1 of 4 for the day.
10:16am Finish water bottle 1 of 4. Start on 2 of 4.
10:44am Eat granola bar.....eat two actually : )
11:26am Finish water bottle 2 of 4. 1/2 a gal of water down! yessss
12:30pm Eat 1/2 burger, 6 tater tots, drink half of my cranberry limeade, and drink a small chocolate shake.

I have been instructed by the nurse at my doctor's office to drink a milkshake a day since I'm not getting enough calcium....I don't know if I can drink one every day but it sounded good today! Oh, and usually, I have been eating healthy lunches...salads and sandwiches etc, but I just really wanted a burger today so I indulged. So that leaves me with 1/2 gal water to drink, a healthy afternoon snack to eat, and a healthy dinner since my lunch was less than satisfactory. I think that's a possibility. It may also include going to the gym after work and walking, but judging on my exhaustion level right now I would venture to say that it is highly likely that I will NOT be going to the gym today. So I'm just tossing the idea up there to see if it will become a reality. It would be so much easier if I had a work out buddy...more accountability. Have you caught on that I like accountability? So we will see what the rest of the day holds.....

Doctor appt and ramblings haha

Went to the doctor today...YAY! Such an answer to prayer. He checked everything out- which I found out is even more awkward with my husband in the room than if I was alone- and he said that I seem healthy! They took about 11 vials of blood from me which made me a little dizzy but I should get the results back within a week or two. Not only did they do the normal prenatal work up, they also took blood to test my thyroid. The doctor said that I could have thyroid problems since I'm not gaining any weight. Then he was rude. I'm sure he didn't mean to be rude. I mean, you have to see this guy! He is literally my own Luigi. All he needs is the mustache and the green overalls and he is a spitting image! He is really tall and quite nerdy so I highly doubt that he meant to be very rude, but I was a little shocked at how blunt he was. He asked me if I had been gaining weight good or if I was having problems. I told him that I hadn't gained any weight...that I had actually lost 23 pounds total. I also told him that my belly seems to be getting progressively bigger at a normal rate but that my weight doesn't change. Then with his dorky self he said, "Oh, so you were pretty heavy when you got pregnant." I looked at Brian and then back at the doctor honestly a little shocked. I said, "I guess so.", and then there was just awkward silence. I mean, I know from a doctor's standpoint he wasn't being rude but geez people leave me alone! I'm not having twins and I'm not fat! I'm normal. I'm better than normal- I'm fantabulous. The baby and I are both healthy and my clothes are getting smaller and smaller. Those two things make me happy so buzz off! So yeah, I know he wasn't purposefully being rude but he came off a little out of whack.

Along with not gaining any weight I told him that I've been feeling really dizzy and I almost blacked out last Saturday. (another reason he checked my thyroid) He told me that its probably because I am dehydrated. Brian and I both laughed and the doctor gave us perplexed looks. I told the doctor there is NO way I can possibly be dehydrated. He told me that I am supposed to be drinking a gallon of water a day. I told him that I don't know if I was drinking a gallon, but that I know I drink over 2 liters. Well, when I got back to the office, looked at my water bottle and it holds 32 oz. I have to refill that water bottle 4 or 5 times a day- which is a gallon by itself- then when I get home I have a big water bottle that holds 1 liter which is almost 34 oz. I drink at least 1 of those before I go to bed. Then when I go to bed I refill the bottle and put it next to the bed. I wake up all during the night SO THIRSTY! So I drink a liter throughout the night (which makes me pee a lot too haha) So now that I know that I drink about a gallon and a half of water a day, I can tell him on my next visit. If my body is dehydrated after a gallon and a half of water, there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with me. haha

Changing subjects completely-----
I have a skype date with Nikki today! We have been regularly setting skype dates and let me tell you it has DEFINITELY helped me with my loneliness issue here in Las Vegas. It's so nice to see her face and hear about how she is doing. I also get to see little Monster No Name which is amazing. He is getting so big! I can't wait to see him in March and give him hugs and kisses. I also can't wait to introduce my little girl to him since we are planning their lives together already. haha. Every time I talk to them I ask Axel if he is ready to meet his little girlfriend....so far I haven't gotten too crazy of a response...but he can't even walk or talk yet so I'm gonna give it some time. : ) I'm just excited to have my skype date with her and reconnect with people again. I get so crazy here doing the same thing every day.

Now, Nikki did get me into this website called Cafemom. I have enjoyed it so far. It's your own space dedicated to moms and their babies and the questions/concerns that we have. It's actually really nice to be able to go there and read other people's experiences and talk to people in similar situations as me. They have discussions of literally EVERYTHING you can imagine. And this site isn't just for moms...there are people who have joined the site who are trying to start their family and just have questions and concerns about what lies ahead of them if they do get pregnant. It is really comforting to know that I can ask a question or vent or voice a concern and someone has been through it or is going through it at the same time. I have tried to connect with some of the moms in my area...not creepy like I'm stalking them...but just trying to start conversations and they all fail. They will respond a couple times and then the conversation dies. Then you have to start all over with someone new. People are just really hard to connect with! I don't understand it. I like people. I like talking to people. I like making friends. But it seems that I'm alone in that desire I guess haha. I'm trying out a new church on Sunday so maybe I can connect with some people there. We will see.

What a blessing!

Well, first I want to say HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!


Next, I have been minorly stressing over what I was going to do since I don't have any maternity leave with my job. I called around to a lot of places and they won't take newborn's until they are 3 months old. I would LOVE to be able to quit my job and just be a stay at home mom, but I can't. It's not possible for us right now, so I came up with the work from home option. : ) I brought the idea up to my big boss today and he said that he didn't mind if I did that at all. We are actually going to be taking my desktop from work to my home to use since my laptop isn't very good for work. I can still use my laptop but the screen is broken so I have to hook it up to my TV so that I can see the screen. haha I know I'm ghetto!!!!

So YAY for our family and a HUGE answer to prayer! I know that at least for the first 3 months I will be able to work from home so that we won't be too financially burdened. Now what happens after those 3 months is another prayer request. I am hoping that I will be able to still stay at home and work instead of having to spend $1000 a month on day care. Plus I just feel more comfortable spending time with her instead of some stranger who has 10 other kids to pay attention to. It breaks my heart to think that I might not have a choice....so I'm hoping that my bosses will be happy with my work so that I can bring up to them possibly staying home and working. I don't see why I would have to come back to the office at all, but hopefully they will see it that way too....Any and all prayers are greatly appreciated!

ramblings....

I'm gonna stand on a rooftop, climb up a mountaintop
Baby, scream and shout
I wanna sing it on the radio, show it on a video
Baby, leave no doubt
I want the whole world to know just what I'm all about
I love to love you out loud

I love Brian Taylor!

On Monday it will not only be Valentines Day, but also 1 year and 5 months that I have been married to this wonderful man! I look at this picture and just melt. I love his everything about him and am so blessed to have him in my life!

And now we are adding to our family! It is so crazy to think that almost a year and a half ago we were just beginning this journey of "us" and in just a couple more months we will be a family of 3! I don't hardly know what to think! We will have a beautiful little girl added to our family. I keep looking at the picture of Izzy and Vini and even pictures of Brian and I as kids and I wonder what she will look like. I have felt her kick and move a little and I just can't wait to hold her in my arms and give her kisses! Brian has been talking to her and rubbing my belly and she kicks more when he is around so I'm taking that as her recognizing his voice. : ) Maybe it's stretching is a little bit, but it's a nice thought. 

Oh, and for an update, I have a doctor's appointment! YAY! For those of you who don't know the situation, I will recap. I have been working for the same company for 1 year now. In October, I technically switched over to our sister company because they offer a more affordable insurance and because I am doing administrative work for them as well. When I was trying to get insurance, they were giving me the run around telling me that I had to be with the company for 90 days before I could qualify for insurance. I explained that we were backdating my hire date to the time that I started with the other company. I talked to the owner, I talked to the HR director, I talked to EVERYONE I could and they were literally avoiding me. Well, then I found out that I was expecting on Nov 19th. At this point it was no longer me just trying to get insurance so that I could make sure I had it just in case. This was no longer about me, it was completely about this little one growing in me. Well, they eventually told me that I had to wait until Feb 1st because my hire date with the sister company wasn't until Oct 31st and it would cause too many legal issues. See, the whole thing would make sense if this was a normal company...but it's not. They hired a regional manager for out in Reno, NV and within 1 week he had his insurance card in hand and was seeing the dentist because he had a toothache. So it was really hard for me to not get somewhat hostile when they told me that it would create legal issues for me to have insurance even though at the time I had been with the company for 8 months! So having a toothache is more important than having a human growing inside of you?! It doesn't make sense....just proved more and more that this company is on the "good ole' boy network". 

Well, I finally accepted that I was going to have to wait until Feb 1st to get my insurance. I was trying to keep my life as unstressful as possible so that this little being wouldn't have any problems that I could help at that moment. So in Jan, I asked for my paperwork so that I could fill it out. I had been told that it would take 2 weeks for them to process my paperwork before I could get the insurance so I wanted to get a head start. Surprise, surprise! They wouldn't give me the paperwork because they were thinking about switching carriers. So I asked for both set of paperwork just so it wouldn't take any longer than it needed to be. The jokes on me again because they were considering 6 different carriers and wouldn't know until Feb 1st which one they were going to go with. So I would be eligible for insurance on Feb 1st, but would have to wait until they chose the carrier so that I could get my paperwork and THEN it would take 2 weeks to process the paperwork, and THEN there is no telling how long the wait is for new OBGYN patients. ESPECIALLY OBGYN patients that are already almost 5 months pregnant! So needless to say I was quite the bother...it was probably technically harassment by me calling the broker every single day to see if they had made their mind up about the insurance carrier yet. I told him that it wouldn't be such a big deal if it wasn't absolutely necessary for me to see the doctor for the baby. After some time and probably some pushing by me, they finally made up their mind and the broker said he would personally process my paperwork so I wouldn't have to wait 2 weeks. 

So this is what led me to my doctor's appointment. I chose a doctor that was not a Spanish speaking office because I didn't want to have any stress with language barriers. (That may not sound hard to do, but this eliminated over half of the offices here! This is Nevada after all!) So I chose a doctor that was close to where I live and called to make the appointment on Monday. The lady was surprised that I hadn't been to the doctor yet. She said that because I was so late in my pregnancy, she would have to check with the doctor to make sure that they could still take me in. She said she would call me back that same day. Tuesday goes by and no call. Half of Wednesday goes by and I call the office and ask for her. She asks me again why I haven't been to the doctor yet and I told her that I didn't have insurance until now. She said that she would still have to ask the doctor and call me back. On Thursday, I call again because I hadn't heard from her and she put me on hold to ask the doctor (which really annoyed me....I mean she had all week to do this! errr). When she got back on the phone she said that he would take me in! YAY! So I have a doctor's appointment on Feb 17th at 10am. And Brian gets to come with me! I'm really excited!

I no longer have the stress of not having insurance and not having a doctor....but now I have a little stress about the tests that they have to do. I mean....I'm supposedly 21-23 weeks pregnant or something like that. They don't know my exact due date because they haven't measured the baby because only a doctor can sign off on the measurements. Sooooooo, I will go to the doctor on the 17th...he will make me take a pregnancy test (which I think is stupid) and will check to make sure everything is ok. Then we will probably schedule the next appointments for blood work and all that jazz. It is a little nerve wracking because I just want everything to be perfect for her. I want her to be healthy and am already a little worry wart. ugh! But I am just praying and thanking God in advance for giving me this perfect beautiful little girl. I am trusting that He is in control of all things, and I have no reason to think that she is anything other than a beautiful, perfect, healthy little girl! Needless to say, Feb 17th can't come any faster! I will actually have a due date and the reassurance that everything is ok. And if everything isn't ok....then I can prepare and do whatever it takes to help her in any way that I can. I just love her so much and want the best for her!

So for those of you who are still reading....which I doubt anyone is because of my ramblings....prayer and good intentions are much appreciated here in Las Vegas for our baby girl!

I will keep you updated!

Love and Kisses!!
Kayla Jo

2 out of 7

So last night as I'm almost falling asleep on the couch watching tv, a fond memory popped in my head. 5am gym work outs before a 7am statistics class followed by healthy eating all day, soccer or softball practice, maybe a city league softball game, homework, and bed. This was my schedule at the end of high school. It was crazy busy, very structured, and healthy. I was always on the move and didn't really have time to eat out or be lazy. I miss it so much. I have always been a busy body and frankly, I have too much time on my hands. People tell me to enjoy it while it lasts becasue I won't have time to myself once I have the baby. I know that...believe me I do. I lived in Colorado with my beautiful step kids. I lived in Oklahoma with my sister, niece, brother in law, and dogs. I grew up in a house with 2 older cousins and a younger cousin. We were always doing something with church or music or sports or get together. I loved it. I really miss being busy and having the constant flow of friends. Right now, I go to work and then go home. On the weekends, I have a LOT of alone time. A normal weekend will include cleaning the house, laundry, maybe some shopping by myself, maybe go to the park by myself, church by myself, and then Brian and I might get to hang out a little bit. He is usually gone to one of his friends houses watching football, or playing golf. I like to have alone time every now and then but I am a people person. I need that personal interaction as well.

Now, I'm not trying to lose weight BY ANY MEANS. But I have been thinking about the gym and about what I am eating lately. Yes, I still have my ice cream and Dr. Pepper and all those bad things, but I am thinking more about the gym lately. I am NOT a night person, so I asked Brian if he would go to the gym with me 3 days a week at night. That way, I don't have to do early mornings EVERY day and also so he can go with me. Much to my surprise he said yes! So I was thinking that we would go Mon, Wed and Fri, but when I brought it up again he said how about Tues, Thurs? I told him that that was only 2 days and he smiled. He said that I suggested 3 days a week and he is suggesting only 2. I told him that 3 days out of a 7 day week was not a crazy request. He of course in true Brian Taylor fashion replied, "2 out of 7 is better than 0 out of 7." I had to agree with him there and so will now only have a work out buddy 2 days of the week. Oh, its hard to stay frustrated at a smile like his. :) So tonight, I will be going home, changing, and walking over to our gym to walk for maybe an hour or so. I wish I had some form of music to distract me, but it will just be me walking on a treadmill or elliptical and probably reading a book. Brian has to work late, so I would be home alone anyway. Hopefully this will help me sleep a little better tonight and just feel better in general for the little princess.

Well, I must finish my work and head home to my lonely work out. lol Later Gators!

Hugs and Kisses,

Kayla Jo

Shoo Fly don't bother me!

I will admit my hormones have been a little crazy. I'm past the crying stage now so I don't just randomly burst in tears which I'm sure has been a blessing for Brian. I'm past the craving of rice and beans which is a blessing for me. I'm past the major nausea stage which has been a blessing for both of us. But I'm just feeling icky lately. I can't really describe it any other way. I'm feeling lonely. I'm feeling fat. I'm feeling just plain icky. Not over exhausted or really sick, but just really gross. I've entered the nesting stage which I'm thinking is a little early but I don't mind. I'm cleaning like  mad woman. Top to bottom- vacuuming, dishes, laundry, super detail dusting, organizing, etc. It's ridiculous, but its nice to walk into a clean and fresh house at the end of a long work day. It's the little bit of satisfaction I have been getting from all of this other ickiness. I know it's not a word, but spare me.

I don't know if you've noticed in my album that I have been losing weight. Well I started gaining weight....a whole pound and a half. woot woot! So now, I'm really watching what I'm eating. I'm eating more frequently throughout the day, still drinking the same amount of water- which is a LOT, and eating more salads and fruit. I don't mind gaining weight. I don't have a crazy self image problem or anything like that. I want to do whatever is going to be healthiest for the baby. But I also don't want to gain 100 pounds and have all of that excess weight to lose after the baby is born. I want to make it as healthy and easy for both the baby and myself. : ) win-win.

I haven't noticed a real change in my clothing except it is definitely hard- well actually, impossible to button some of my pants over this little girl growing in me. So for the past 2 days I have worn dresses. I was made fun of the first day because it was a fitted dress. So because I have been blessed with a big caboose as my Granny says, it looked like I was pregnant in my belly AND my butt. I was told that I would receive an F on the red carpet. hahaha I had to check my emotions upon first hearing it, but laughed as I said that I'm not wearing the dress for fashion but because I don't have to button it around, over or under the belly. haha. The dress I wore today I was told is acceptable, but I just think I look like a huge elephant. This same fashion guru who has passed me today and failed me yesterday said that all pregnant women no matter how skinny they are have those days where they feel fat. *sigh* Good, so I'm not completely alone. Thanks Nids for your guidance! I'm glad I can be your comic relief! : )

So yes, I do have nausea, I am completely exhausted everyday no matter what I do, I do have weird mood swings, I have to pee ALL the time, and I feel fat every second of everyday. But none of it matters, because I am the happiest mommy to be in the world that I am being given the chance to watch this little one grow. I have always had mad baby fever, and now I am going to have my own family. It is so exciting to have a child with the man I love. To bring another cousin, grand child, great grandchild, and sister for Izzy and Vini into the world. I can't wait to hold her and kiss her and help her grow. I can't wait to watch Izzy and Vini meet her for the first time. I can't wait for them to have the bond of siblings. I can't wait to watch Brian make funny faces just to see his little girl smile. I can't wait for my Granny to hold her lucky #7 great grand baby. I am so excited and happy and just overwhelmed with perfect wonderful emotions.

Oreo's for breakfast?

No, I have not had oreo's for breakfast, but they sure do sound delicious! I saw on one of my friend's facebooks that he had almost eaten a whole package of oreos and my tummy started rumbling....let me tell you this baby is definitely mine with the sweet tooth it has!!

Well, I can finally stop referring to the baby as it...that's right! We found out we are having a little girl! A precious little princess. We are so excited. We are actually carrying on a tradition in my family. My sister, cousin Jen, cousin Lindsey, mom, aunt, Granny, and Memaw (my great grandma) all had girls as their firstborns! Now we just have to wait on my brother and little cousin Allie to see if the tradition continues!

When I first found out I was prenant, I couldn't believe it! And all I wanted was a healthy baby. I will admit that in the back of my mind I wanted a boy, but ultimately I was ecstatic about being pregnant with a precious little one in the first place! I grew up very much a tomboy. Even to this day my friend laugh at my "unique" sense of style. Or should we say my non-existent sense of style. I dress for comfort, not for fashion. I played year round sports, and I lived in Florida the flipflop capital. While all the cute fashionistas around me are curling their hair and wearing skinny jeans, I can normally be found in a tank top and sweatpants. Comfort- ahhh yesssss even thinking about it now makes me smile. Curled up on the couch reading a book in my most comfortable sweatpants. :) The reason I have digressed into talking about fashion is because I think this is part of the reason I wanted a boy. I'm not going to be able ot give this little girl the best fashion advice. I have gotten practice with my niece and step daughter and other little girls I know. I have picked out really cute outfits, games, etc and fixed my step daughters hair. I think I do an ok job. I guess I'm just being really honest here in explaining that I'm nervouse about having a little girl. I grew up anooyingly tagging along with my brother while his friends played football. I grew up wanting to be exaclty like my brother actually. My hair was cut short and I was ALWAYS outside playing. Now, I do not wish my little girl to have that WRETCHED short hair I had, but I just want her to experience everything she can in life. And if she has my love of sports, I would definitely NOT mind at all. :) Yes, I actually WANT to be a soccer mom- minus the minivan. I can definitely do without the minivan.

There are many things I hope and pray for my child that reaches FAR beyond the realm of sports and fashion....please believe me. I just had to get those worries and thoughts out in the open. haha I hope that she comes to know and love Jesus like I do. I hope she is kind hearted and gentle and loving. I hope and I pray and I know that God has blessed me in so many ways that I can not even begin to understand. I know that He has given me and will continue to provide for me the tools I need to raise this precious miracle. I know that He has given me a support system of friends and family who have children who will be able to listen to my concerns and understand what I'm going through. And I am so thankful. I just need to keep pouring my concerns out to Him and he will continue to give me the peace that surpasses all understanding.

This note is simply my thoughts pouring on to the page with concerns of if I am going to be a good mom...which I'm sure I'm not the ONLY person in the world to ever think that. I didn't exactly have the greatest example from my mom, but I believe that GFod gives me the perfect examples in His word, and has given me an amazing sister who astonishes me everyday with her love and patience towards her kids. If I could be a fraction of the kind of mom my sister is, I know I'm going in the right direction.

 I can't wait to feel her kicks. I can't wait to see her. My heart is overflowing with all of this love for this perfect little being that I haven't even seen yet. Thank you God for this precious gift!

Well, it's time for my rambling to come to an end. This little girl is hungry and is not bashful about letting me know. As Brian golfs today with his dad and other guys, I will be cleaning the house and looking through this HUGE book of baby names. Text me!

Love and kisses!!

Kayla John, little Princess peanut, and pup Emma Lou