Conditional Forgiveness????????

I have been talking about forgiveness a lot lately...because that is kinda my world right now. As I'm reading through the word and growing in Christ, the same concept has been popping up over and over. I dont know if its because it is God asking me a question or if it is me obsessing over this thought so any feedback is much appreciated!! I have been reading this book called Radical by David Platt. Today I read a chapter about the American Dream. It drew the difference between how we think life is supposed to be lived and how God intended life to be lived. Striving for the American Dream states that if we are determined and set our mind to it, we can do anything and accomplish anything so acheive that "white-picket fence" or high-rise condo or mansion in Spain or multi-billion dollar company or whatever lifestyle that we want. The Bible time and time again tells stories of the opposite. God causes things to happen in our lives that bring us to complete desperation in Him so that He reecives the glory...the glory that He solely deserves. If I work really hard on a project, then when it is completed I am proud and satisfied with my dedication. I receive the glory because I worked hard. What I forget is that God gave me the opportunity, focus, drive, talents, etc that I needed to complete the project in the first place. Unfortunately, often times with things are going good, we forget about thanking God completely. In the book, David mentions the story of Jericho. He displays this picture of Joshua preparing for battle. He is thinking about all the strategies and tactics for war as he should be being the leader of the army. But God has a different plan. This battle was not about Joshua being a good leader or a strong warrior. This story is about God revealing His power and strength. So he tells Joshua to march around the walls and on the last day, march around playing trumpets and have the people shout. That must have sounded ridiculous. But this is the plan that God designed that would show his faithfulness the best. I say all of this to draw a comparison to how we think things should be done vs how God inteds them to be...I promise my question will come soon... hang tight. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Colossians 1:13-14 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Psalm 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us Now to the question part of this rant....I obviously struggle with insecurity because of the infidelity in my marriage. It goes back to that same head-to-heart struggle that I have described before. I remind myself of who I am in Christ and that I am a daughter of the God who created me exactly as I am and loves me unconditionally. But just as easily in the back of my mind I have the picture of being replaced...of someone else holding his hand and laughing at his jokes. Everyone says trust is not just given, it is earned. I know there are consequences for actions but here is where I'm getting a little confused. In the verses that I listed above, none of them say "If you confess your sins, He will forgive you but He will have to wait and see over time if you really are going to change." And they also dont say "For he rescued us from the dominion of darkness and put us on probation to make us jump through a ton of hoops before being really reconnected and forgiven and given a clean slate." Part of me is very convicted about this. I sin EVERY DAY and I know I will sin EVERY DAY for the rest of my life but yet I want God to trust me to carry His will out. I want to be used by Him and for Him to trust me to be a good and faithful servant. So how does that connect with my human emotions? God gave me a very big heart and feels everything. I love and hurt very easily because I love with my everything. I love with my everything because that is how I feel that God has called His children to be. So I guess my question is two-fold and all boils down to this: When God forgives us, he doesn't put conditions on his forgiveness. He forgives and says you are wiped clean and your sin is as far as the East is from the West. If we are called to be like Jesus, doesn't that mean we are called to forgive without conditions? And how the HECK do I do that when all of those insecurities and thoughts keep popping up in my mind?