Heart to Head Disconnect

Sometimes I have a heart to head disconnect.....for example.

My heart says my house is a wreck.
My head says that I am learning a schedule balancing working, being a good wife, cleaning, laundry, taking care of the puppy, and taking care of my new little angel, Ryot.

My heart says that I'm a bad mom when I can't get Ryot to go to sleep in her crib.
My head says that both of us are learning new things. I'm learning how to be a mom and she is learning what life is like outside of the womb. And that it's going to be a process throughout my whole life of learning new things.

My heart says I'm stupid for admitting my worries and stresses out loud or on facebook. That I'm weak for voicing my frustrations.
My head says that I am brave for asking for advice and expressing those feelings. That it is unhealthy to keep all those feelings bent up inside and that if people want to judge me for how I'm feeling then they really don't need to be in my life in the first place.

My heart says that I'm self conscious and embarrassed about my body and my weight.
My head says that I just had a baby AND gall bladder surgery and that I have to take care of myself and the baby and heal before I even worry about those things.

I KNOW in my head all of the right and rational things but I have this disconnect somewhere in my heart. I have this piece of me that says "You're a bad wife. Look at that basket of laundry that hasn't been put away." "You're a terrible mom. You can't get your own daughter to sleep in her crib." "Your so weak and messed up. You are the only one who is having any of these frustrations or problems." "You are fat and ugly. None of your clothes fit you and they never will." But then I have this other piece that tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And that is the piece I have to listen to....or I will go INSANE!

So as I sit here my laundry is not done, Ryot is wide awake, I just let out some of my worries and frustrations, and I'm eating chocolate chip cookies...BUT I have a smile on my face and I am the happiest woman alive. And that is what matters.