Lightbulb Moment

I have read 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 a hundred times....ok I dont know if I can actually say one hundred times, but a lot anyways....Well, it doesn't matter how much I read the Bible or have it taught to me, God reveals different things to me every time. So in my sunday school class my teacher, Jason, was talking about how we are called to love the poor and listen, encourage and reach out to those around us. So we start reading this passage, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or RESENTFUL" BRAKE! This is where I came to a screeching halt. It smacked me in the face. I have to forgive Brian. I have to forgive him. I have to forgive him. over and over and over it rang in my head. I think it is sNow when my world crashed a month ago, I knew that I would have to forgive him eventually. I kept hearing people say, "It's going to take time, but you'll move on" and "Only time will heal this wound". Well today, God told me that that time was up. I even tried arguing with him. That didn't go over so well...

No, God, Jason is talking about patience. We aren't learning about resentment today.
No, God, I'm focusing on patience right now. We are supposed to be talking about patience.
God, Brian doesn't deserve forgiveness. He tore my world apart.

BUT...I didn't deserve forgiveness. I don't deserve God's love, but it is given to me daily. God just kept saying, You have to forgive him. So immediately my brain kicks into overdrive.

But what does that mean, God? How is that going to work?
You don't have to know how it is going to work. I am in control.

But how does that work with our future? And visitations? and communication?
You are my child and I have great plans for you. I am in control.

But I dont want anything to do with him.I can't do this. I'm scared.
You're right, you cant do this. But I can do it through you. I have provided for you and forgiven you. You have to show my love to Him.

But, but, but...at this point I know Gods truth. I know that he has great plans for me. I know that I am a child of God and my purpose on this earth is to glorify Him. My life is not about my marriage. My life is not about my child. My life is about glorifying God.

So the only thing I can say is.....Ok, God.

I dont know all the answers. I dont know how it is all going to work out. But the great thing about it is, I dont have to know. God is in control. And that takes SOO much pressure off of me so that I can just listen to what God has for me and obey. I can sit here and be bitter and be sad because that is easier but that is just a waste of time. I have been called to share God's love. It makes my stomach turn thinking about having to interact with Brian and talk to him. Honestly, having to share my daughter with him scares the living daylights out of me and makes me sick! But I have to do it. And I have to rejoice in sharing God's love with Brian because it is what I have been called to do. I have to be an example of Christ's love to Brian.

I guess you could call it a lightbulb moment. He spoke and now I have to be obedient and follow Him.

Ok, God. What now?